"Turn up the lights in here baby. Extra bright, I want y'all to see this... Turn up the lights in here, baby... You know what I need, want you to see everything...want you to see all of the lights..."

"You know what? It's the ultimate betrayal. You've broken my heart."

I'm always wondering what the right thing to do is, and there is never a right answer. Often confused, over analytical, and generally lost in how I deal with it. I can only hope that any solution rears it's head as the right answer in an endless sea of possibilities, and I can move on or move forward. Because this is not working for me. Something's got to give...

...and tomorrow, I know,
Will be rainy at best.
And the forecast, I know,
Is that I'll be depressed.

But I'll wait outside
Hoping that I'll catch sight of the sun.

Because on and off,
The clouds have fought
Their control over the sky

And lately the weather
Has been so Bi-polar
And Consequently so have I.

-Relient K

"There's been something missing for me. Something that is hard to define I've been desperately just trying to create this thing and looking for it but I've been flaying and I realize now that you and I we're never going to find it..."

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be one...

JOHN LENNON

I'll never be the same
If we ever meet again
Won't let you get away
If we ever meet again
This free fall, oh got me so, oh
kiss me all night,
don't ever let me go
Ill never be the same
if we ever meet again

"It's like... we were pals then... we'd do things together... we'd look at the knight armor at the Met. The scary fish at the Natural History Museum. I was always afraid of the squid and whale fighting. I can only look at it 

with my hands in front of my face."

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

MAROON 5

"I try to find something to love in everybody. Even if it's a small thing. Something about the way someone smiles. There's always something, there has to be. I try to make myself generous. I do things I don't want to do. I... I think about what not to criticize. And the strangest things come back to me..."

"I wouldn't want them to feel lonely or outcast ever in any way. And no matter where they were in the world, I'd want them to always feel incredibly confident about who they were and proud." (J. Beals)

For some reason tonight I feel compelled to actually write and blog a little bit about myself. It's been a while and I'm sure I'm way past due to post something other then a quote, picture, or song lyric...but I tend to get carried away when I do this...So we will see if this post actually gets published. Well officially (for anyone who might not already know) I made it to NYC. Officially living my dream here...flying totally solo, in a brand new place, the best city ever, and making it on my own. After a stressful 3 weeks I find myself settling in nicely to this "new life," as I will call it. What a grand adventure I am on...despite all the trials I have encountered thus far-not a single day goes by where I don't think about how incredibly grateful I am to be here and how much of a blessing it truly is. On the other hand, I can tell that I've barely begun to scratch the surface of how much this experience is going to change me. Really, I'm going to end this year as a totally different person then when I began. Perhaps this is a life turning point and inevitable...2 years out of college now-just entering the real world after living at home with my parents for an entire year...yea-maybe it's time I became my own person. I feel like this experience is my debut into the real world and I'm quite proud of the things I've learned so far and excited for the new things I will get to learn. The biggest challenge for me right now is that I can't plan, for-see, imagine, worry, idealize what life looks like anymore...everything from the job to the place to the events in my days are totally new...and therefore I'm forced into living completely in the present and in the moment of what is happening to me and around me. This is the blessing of this experience-the pure enjoyment of living. As someone who is used to having everything under control and living with much predictability its pushed me out of my comfort zone. But I can't help but enjoy it...instead of analyzing I am observing, instead of worrying I am creating. It's a marvel that everything I do in my day I'm 100% responsible for and at the end of the day I have this new satisfaction where I am just so proud of myself for making it. Now I realize this can swing in the opposite direction...I am also responsible for the mistakes, lack of productivity, bad choices, etc...but hey-everything is a learning process right now and I'm trying also to be nicer to myself. Because right now...right here...it's just me and only me. I have myself to look after and take care of and no one else to deal with. It's nice at times, lonely at others...but what a satisfying check-mark to put on my life to-do list...a few checks actually-living alone, living in NYC, exploring the East Coast. My head is reeling with plans to explore this region of my country. I've always want to see New England, DC, Boston, etc...This weekend will be my first encounter with the Hamptons (Sag Harbor) and mark the farthest East I've ever traveled in the US. Anyways, the point of it all...is that it really just feels different. I can't pinpoint what is different...but I have this weird sense of calm that I can't say I've ever experienced before. I feel like right now...this...is what I've always wanted to be doing and it's made that antsy, dissatisfied, slightly depressed, dreamer side of me disappear. I feel at ease and more importantly I feel free. It's a beautiful thing. Again, first time for everything... I just can't believe that it took 23 years to feel like this. All the hard work and enduring has paid off. The only thing I'm missing is someone to share it with, although that may ruin the magic of being independent. We will see what happens in the days to come. But for now, I'm living in the moment and happier then I've ever been before. 

Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.JOHN WOODEN

"Do I still Love you? Absolutely. There is not a doubt in my mind. Through all my mind, my ego... I was always faithful in my Love for you. That I made you doubt it, that is the great mistake of a Life full of mistakes. The truth doesn't set us free..."

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

"So in the end, was it worth it? Jesus Christ. How irreparably changed my life has become. It's always the last day of summer and I've been left out in the cold with no door to get back in. I'll grant you I've had more than my share of poignant moments. Life passes most people by while they're making grand plans for it. Throughout my lifetime, I've left pieces of my heart here and there. And now, there's almost not enough to stay alive. But I force a smile, knowing 

that my ambition far exceeded my talent."

Grinning from ear to ear. I can't help it. This is perfection.

"The war tore a hole in the sky, the sun came down, burnt everything, everyone, I wandered, I didn't really know what I should do or where I was going. I was just moving from place to place,trying to stay alive.And then one day I heard this voice.I don't know how to explain it, it's like it was coming from inside me. But I could hear it clear as day. Clear as I can hear you talking to me now."