I wasn't scared; I was just somebody else, some stranger, and my whole life was a haunted life, the life of a ghost. I was halfway across America, at the dividing line between the East of my youth and the West of my future.

“I realize now that I wanted to disappear. To get so lost that nobody ever found me. To go so far away that I'd never be able to make my way home again. But I have no idea why.” 

                          

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          “Do you ever feel that way?"

"Lonely?"
I search for the words. "Restless. As if you haven't really met yourself yet. As is you'd passed yourself once in the fog, and your heart leapt - 'Ah! There I Am! I've been missing that piece!' But it happens too fast, and then that part of you disappears into the fog again. And you spend the rest of your days looking for it."

Its that magic hour again...and it's been so long since it's been this way...

do you ever find yourself so lost?

Down a road you didn't plan for, didn't choose...but rather found yourself on-

wandering the windy twists and turns and wondering how the hell you got this far along?

Where perception is everything, and it's exactly as you imagined and pretended it should go.

But now you have no clue where to go next or what to do.

Instead you are left with the choices you made and an emptiness that makes the reality turn to memories.

The times and places and people in your life that were pointing you to a destination,

but now you've forgotten where that was.

The familiar oddness...

The one that wonders why perceptions are so skewed.

To have everything and to have everything be not enough,

becomes this anthem of confusion.

Once upon a time there was a destination in sight,

and now that the city lights have faded and it's all so distant.

The waiting and the patience...the impatience replaces bravery.

I knew once upon a time is every time that isn't now.

The where and when of the greatness past.

Tell the people that they mean to you the way they do.

That you're just lost and you'll be back soon,

but finding your way is the only option to bring about the happiness deserved.

Cause in reality, even when it feels like nothing matters,

it all matters.

Transformation of past experiences to life lessons.

Damaging, honesty, hopeful brokenness.

What once was matters,

my once upon a time matter.

The most important part of it all is to have the love,

that happiness comes first,

then love hard,

appreciate beauty,

speak out truth.

Mostly, stand for the things you believe in...

cause those still matter, as unobtainable as it may seem.

Adventure, experience, forward motion,

that all matters.

But don't love blindly, because the only blind love that matters is love you show yourself.

Love you give away must be closely examined through investigative eyes.

Love first the things you know have always given back to you,

in ways you could have never helped yourself.

Love second the beauty that's in everything around you,

appreciate the simple things.

Love thirdly the kind of love that cannot be explained,

because the unexplained loves are the great ones.

The kind that fuels the file of discovery and adventure...

that makes you believe that everything has a specific part to the grander scheme of self.

I remember a past self in a different life and a different city.

I remember finding a person there that I had known all along but never came to love.

I remember loving deeper and more truly then anything,

and I remember how much it mattered.

Why are you so inevitable to me?