"Skies grow darker, currents swept you out again And you were just gone and gone, gone and gone In silent screams, and wildest dreams I never dreamed of this This love is good This love is bad This love is a life back from the dead These hands had to let it go free And this love came back to me..."

"I think you have to know who you are and what you want in order to take on New York and all its blaring truth..."

"I hope you know that you've given me the courage to change. I hope you know that who you are is who you choose to be. And that whispers behind your back don't define you. You are the only one who gets to decide what you'll be remembered for.

From the girl who said she would never cut her hair, or move to New York, or find happiness in a world where she is not in love..."

T. Swift.

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning

That's when I could finally breathe

And that morning, gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean

I think I am finally clean

Said, I think I am finally clean

10 months sober, I must admit

Just because you're clean don't mean you miss it

10 months older I won't give in

Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it

The drought was the very worst

When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst

The greatest lie we ever tell ourselves is that life will happen the way we plan it too.

Things are never that way,

no matter how hard we plan,

how perfect we set it up,

how sure we are it will end up the way we think it will.

And timing is funny,

the way it all unfolds..,

faster than we think, but slower then we hope.

Life is supposed to be a series of events that progress in the exact manner we expect,

but it continues to surprise always.

And you're never quite prepared for it all,

and all the planning and preparing in the whole world won't change that.

And just to be hilariously ironic,

when we are at our surest that it's going to happen one way,

it changes directions so quickly you are left with your feet kicked out from underneath you.

Sometimes these surprises are not good.

In fact it can be the most devastating,

like a lightening strike,

damaging, angry, painful.

But this is true life,

because even the most painful of all surprises create a transformation.

Forces an honesty,

shapes a change.

And you struggle to right yourself again,

to find your way through the hard times,

emerging a changed individual.

Don't discount those surprises, because they too are important.

And remember that everything happens for a reason.

Not everything requires an explanation.

Studying the past and living in regret will only waste the time you have for living.

I was always told to be in the moment I'm in,

too stop looking ahead.

But now that I've learned to live in the immediate,

to be present in the present,

I find it's most misunderstood.

The worrying about the future is just as productive as trying to change the past.

Not to say its not important to set goals and to provide yourself the best change possible.

Don't ever be a victim of your own life,

rather take charge of it.

Ownership and responsibility of who you are,

and the ripples you are creating in the gigantic seas of lie.

But believe me when I say we create our own destiny.

You can wall yourself up and build a fortress,

to try to protect from those bad surprises,

but this is not living.

And either way, you cannot avoid pain and heartache.

It's a part of growing.

That's the funny thing about life,

we want to grow and evolve and change,

but we forget about the pain that's involved in that process.

We forget that it's impossible without it.

But its also important to rise above it,

fuel the creativity,

renew hope,

learn bravery,

grow stronger.

Events in our past might define who inherently are,

but we are not victims of our own circumstances.

Rather we are champions in the arena of our own destiny.

And its important to remember about the good surprises too.

Just as breath taking and awestruck as anything.

Great epiphanies in the quietest moments.

The most tiny and most beautiful and most perfect instances.

Those can shape us too.

They can fuel creativity,

renew hope,

teach bravery,

and provide strength.

And I don't understand love,

and I don't think I will...

but maybe I don't have too.

Love is undefinable, immeasurable.

Its one of those good surprises and it's just like life.

It never happens the way we plan,

the way we expect,

the way we set ourselves up.

Because love is not an emotion we learn,

it's not an emotion we teach.

But rather love is it's own category.

It creeps us on us quietly,

it can shatter every perception we've ever had,

it can alter a single moment,

bookmarking it as a turning point.

It causes us to be both selfless and selfish.

It strips us down to nothing, and rebuilds everything back again.

I"d try to explain it better,

but really it's different for everyone.

You can't call on love, you can't force it,

but if you just live with an open heart and and open mind-

then it will find you.

Because it's so central to life and living.

It's the core of everything,

and it's everywhere.

I think about it a lot,

and worrying about love is just as pointless as trying to change the past,

or trying to predict the future.

Because it's on it's own clock and has its own agenda.
It cannot be controlled.

And it's scary as hell.

I don't mean just love in the classical romantic sense.

But I mean love in all meanings.

And it looks a little different each time,

in each scenario.

It's an uncontrollable passion for experience.

It's the brightly light night sky over a quiet town,

it's the way the sun sets and rises over the ocean,

its the look of a mother to a child,

its driving through the night to meet a friend and mend a broken heart.

Its the smell of a crisp winter night,

it's the sound of laughter, it's the sound of tears,

a gentle touch and a kind word.

this is love,

at least the love I can explain to you now.

And i say it's scary but let me explain...

it's scary the same way life is scary,

because it's surprising.

Along the way you have the good surprises and you have the bad ones.

You are allowing yourself to be vulnerable, exposed,

you relinquish control.

And no matter how much you think you are set up for it,

it never happens the way you think you are.

And you're never quite prepared for it all,

and all the planning and preparing in the whole world won't change that.

And just to be hilariously ironic,

just when we are at our surest that it's going to happen one way,

it changes directions so quickly you are left with your feet kicked out from underneath you.

That's the fall.

An adrenaline junkie and a gambler,

makes for the perfect candidate for surprises,
and the perfect candidate for love.

For breath taking awe struck moments,

where your feet are kicked out from underneath you.

For quick glimpses of perfect beauty in unexpected places at unexpected moments.

But also for pain, heartache, and inevitable change.

Don't be too afraid of the unknown,

don't be too focused on the past.

Live in the here and now and expect the unexpected,

and let it be okay to be misunderstood.

Open yourself to life and living,

allow yourself to fall.

Because in the end it all matters,

and things happen when you least expect,

and the beauty is in the fall,

and life is too damn perfect to miss out on any single moment.