"I want to tell you, again, I love you. Our love has been the thread through the labyrinth, the net under the high-wire walker, the only real thing in this strange life of mine that I could ever trust. Tonight I feel that my love for you has more density in this world than I do, myself: as though it could linger on after me and surround you, keep you, hold you.”

“Nothing behind me, everything ahead of me, as is ever so on the road.” -Jack Kerouac

If my heart wasn't such a jungle

Maybe you wouldn't feel so all alone

If your heart wasn't such an ocean

I wouldn't sink like a stone

brett.dennen.

“Little things. The thought of losing them makes them unbearably dear ... I only think of the sweetness. Simple things. The quarter moon, the taste of an orange. The smell of the pages of a new book.” 

“A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.”

“One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.”

It's about reaching those crossroads in life,

taking  new steps on paths not traveled and wondering...

if you should have chosen the other direction,

Here I am again, 

standing at the fork in the road, wondering if the way I choose  will lead me back to a familiar place.

It's about finding the peacefulness in the not knowing,

Really, i know now I understand the things I didn't before:

time.

the centripetal  force of life.

perspective.

age.

responsibility.

Looking through the familiar lens of a well traveled traveler.

I am more of me and less of me,

constantly flowing like the tide,

receding and  overtaking.

The trick is knowing when to take the steps,

how quickly,

how cautiously.

It all matters.

And honestly, I'm exhausted,

caught between the desire for the safety of a comfortable familiarity,

and the fire for the adventure.

But I know this, 

The time again has come to pick a direction,

back my boxes,

and head back into the unknown.

Just as I couldn't imagine before, what lay ahead-

the challenges, the demons, 

I couldn't have predicted the astonishing and life changing results of embarking on a real adventure,

exploring life as  the truest , more pure version, of self.

Whatever lies ahead in these coming weeks,

it's just a continuation of the journey  I began a year ago...

and I can't wait to see what happens.

The trick is the same as before,

Maintain patience for a life to evolve as it's meant too.

 Carry an enthusiasm for relationships, an open eye for new encounters,

 Keep courage to try new things, 

faith that people are inherently good,

endurance for the parts that seam unbearable,

joy for the times that are discouraging.

hope for a better clarity.

perspective to remember what has past.

bravery to learn lessons even through fear,

and an undying passion for beauty in everything.

Remember to take chances and appreciate every moment.

Above everything else, 

love deeply.

I'm adaptable and transformable. I learned that not knowing is okay. I learned that love is hard. I learned the beauty in the fight, and I learned the beauty of letting things go. I listened to good music. I filled the empty spaces. I maintained a relationship. I looked for beauty. I found it. I opened all the doors and windows, I let someone else take the wheel. I'm becoming me, the real version.

“Deep in the meadow, hidden far away 
A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray 
Forget your woes and let your troubles lay 
And when it's morning again, they'll wash away 
Here it's safe, here it's warm 
Here the daisies guard you from every harm 
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true 
Here is the place where I love you.”

the. hunger. games.

Coney Island Beach Brooklyn, New York City, NY

"Dear book, this is another day in my life. A life is like a book. A book is like a box. A box has six sides. Inside and outside, so, how do you get to what's inside? How do you get what's inside, out? Once upon a time, there lived a very pretty girl, who lived in a beautiful box, and everybody loved her." _GIA

Atlantic Coastal Beach, Belfast ME

"Believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a very powerful thing."

Avocado Ranch, Carpinteria CA

“You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one.” 

Lake Michigan, Chicago, IL

“Since I grew tired of the chase

And search, I learned to find;

And since the wind blows in my face,

I sail with every wind.”

Castle Island Park, Boston, MA

Nothing too profound, except I received some unexpected inspiration today from a welcoming source,

and I wanted to respond...

Lots of things have been happening lately, and the  majority have been excellent,

all affirmations that I'm becoming more and more of the person I want to be, 

and am working so hard to become.

Thinking about the infinite connections that exist around us.

There is an unlimited source of interactions we are surrounded with,

nature, events, people, places...

Your choices are connected , each one propelling your life into the next.

Your actions are connected, determining your next steps in life...

where you're going, what you're doing.

The sky is connected to the earth, 

the sea is connected to the land,

the sunrise is connected to the sunset.

While you are tramping through the forest of life,

thinking you're battling your own battles, and creating your own destiny,

it never occurs how each footstep is connected to the last.

It's beautiful to me really.

I'd like to draw an invisible line to show all the connections in my life to people, places, events, decisions...

count the lines leading away and following the paths right back to the source.

I can draw them on a map, all my connections to places, and I can see how many tracks are in my rear view mirror.

Sometimes I amaze myself.

Ready to embark on the next adventure, in a new place, with new people...

who knows what's ahead...

I've found the common themes in my life, illustrated here in this blog...

adventure.

beauty.

passion.

love.

There is not other way to live in life, but to search for those things,

grasping on as tight as possible.

finding the balance between being complacent and being unsatisfied.

Appreciating the here and now, never forgetting the past, keep hoping for the future.

Anyways,

back to my inspiration, another connection, made  through the infinite connections in cyberspace,

a blogger with a passion for the beauty in life,

and I'm always inspired by what she has to say

She made me think about a few things...

One time I was asked to describe my "passion for people"

My answer was this:

People fascinate me, because at the basic core everyone is the same.

We  all need life's basics, and function similarly.

We all feel, everyone loves and hurts, 

we search for what makes us happy,

we dedicate parts of ourselves to make others happy.

We give and take back,

we try to make decisions the best we can,

hoping for good outcomes.

This creates a web of connectivity 

that makes every single individual relate-able to the next stranger.

However, every person evolves through their own experiences.

The tragedy and joy in their life,

the people they meet and the places they go.

The choices they make the advice they receive.

We are constantly shifting through the process of self-transformation.

Which makes each of us irreplicable individuals.

So thus creates this juxtaposition of  

being surrounded by beings who we cannot only relate too in our similarities but learn from in our differences..

So this is why I live for the adventure, 

the adventure of the encounters and the unexpected experiences.

I live for the beauty.

The beauty in people, the beauty in nature, the beauty in the evolution of life,

in a smile, in a word, in a picture, in a song.

I live for the passion,

doing what I love as the person I want to be.

Finally-love.

My compass.

Because no matter religion, race, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status,

love is a core characteristic.

It's the ultimate connection, to everything and everyone.

It dominates all ...

having it, losing it, receiving it, sharing it.

The core characteristic shared among every person,

The essence of life.

“It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.”

From the Movie "Manhattan" (1979)

Chapter One: He adored New York City. To him it was a metaphor for the decay of contemporary culture. The same lack of individual integrity that caused so many people to take the easy way out was rapidly turning the town of his dreams in - no, it's gonna be too preachy, I mean, you know, let's face it, I wanna sell some books here. 

Chapter One: He adored New York City. Although to him it was a metaphor for the decay of contemporary culture. How hard it was to exist in a society desensitized by drugs, loud music, television, crime, garbage - too angry. I don't want to be angry. 
Chapter One. He was as tough and romantic as the city he loved. Behind his black-rimmed glasses was the coiled sexual power of a jungle cat. 

Oh, I love this. New York was his town, and it 

always would be. 

Think you left me broken down
Think that i'd come running back
Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong. 

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone.

What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone. 

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, Myself and I 
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller 
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone.

"Expect trouble as a part of life and when it comes, hold your head high, look it sqarely in the eye, and say, 'I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me.'" 

IN REMEMBRANCE OF ONE YEAR AGO. IN REMEMBRANCE OF ADVENTURES PAST. IN ANTICIPATION FOR ADVENTURES TO COME.

This is my story this is my song
if you aint got the heart, don’t attempt to try this at home
it’s just a poem from a man once living wrong
now I’m in the zone, tell the World I’m coming home
been a long time coming, been a long time coming
this song feel like the greatest of all time coming

Have you ever done something, you look back, and it all seems blurry..

But then you think a little harder about it, and it's crystal clear.

A bookmark in your brain of memories of a journey, of an experience.

The time I've never understood, the way it slows and speeds,

it's all perception.

I disappoint myself, I impress myself, but it's all the same.

but in the end it only matters how you felt through it all,

what you learned, the person you become,

the strength you accrued.

It's the way you treat people, the smiles you received, the streets you walked through.

I will never forget this day, for the rest of my life.

And it will live as a reminder of what I could do, what I can do, and what I did.

No one can take this experience.

No one can understand this experience like I do.

Because it's mine, I own it all, the mistakes and the triumphs. 

It all matters.

And it helps, it clears the haze and I can feel the sting of a sharp bite of reality.

And I am proud and encouraged, and hopeful, and desperate all the same.

I love the adventure, I would trade nothing for it.

When it all seems hopeless and the anxiety intensifies,

remember the full moon, and the dark streets, and the people you met, and the places you went.

But really, remember how you felt when you realize what you were capable of.

Stand back and put it in perspective.

Appreciate yourself.

Celebrate.

Move forward.

Never forget the passion.

Love life, for the good times and the bad, and also...

remember, eventually it might all make sense one day.

and ,

of course...

it all matters.

Happy Valentines Day 2012,

I' can't wait for the next great adventure.

“Slowly I raise my eyes and take in the water spreading out in every direction. I can only form one clear thought. This is no place for a girl on fire.”

My figures fail to tell me
How far the Village lies --
Whose peasants are the Angels --
Whose Cantons dot the skies --
My Classics veil their faces --
My faith that Dark adores --
Which from its solemn abbeys
Such ressurection pours.

-Emily Dickinson

All those days watching in the windows
All those years outside looking in
All that time never even knowing 
Just how blind I've been
Now I'm here blinking in the starlight
Now I'm here suddenly I see 
Standing here it's all so clear
I'm where I'm meant to be

And at last I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you

"From this day on... when I look back on the past... I will smile... and say to myself... I never thought I could do it... but I did... I over came all the people who tried to bring me down."

Sick of trying to defend myself, 

sick of trying to force you to understand something I don't need to explain.

Out to explore and experience, and nothing else matters.

Struggling through the struggle

and waiting for the light to appear.

The plan that is in progress will come to fruition when the time is right.

So let me be,

let me be me.

And I want freedom.

And I'm done  trying to defend.

Can't wait to become more of myself.

Break down the walls, head into the wild.

I'm not here for you, I'm here for me.

I'm here to be a better me. 

"Don't breathe, no I never meant to let it get away from me Now, I've too much to hold, everybody has to get their hands on gold, And I want uncharted."

FOR THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WHO I COULD NEVER LIVE WITHOUT...

“We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.” 

"You loved me 'cause I'm fragile. When I thought that I was strong but you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone."

"We act like we know it all. You know -- and I've got it all together ... But we don't know what is going on half the time. We're scared to death ...(of) not finding it ... our place ... I mean, I've had moments --- and I knew that there was no other place that I should be -- but those are moments and then they go..."

“Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too--even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling.”

“All the pathos and irony of leaving one’s youth behind is thus implicit in every joyous moment of travel: one knows that the first joy can never be recovered, and the wise traveler learns not to repeat successes but tries new places all the time.” 

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

You may not understand what I'm talking about, but it makes sense to me.

In those moments where you step back, and see it in its entirety,

the pieces that fit together, and where they belong in the puzzle.

Some people put together the outline, starting with the corners...the framework.

Those lucky ones who realize the bigger picture and fill in the rest,..

Well I started with the center and I'm working on the rest 

and, just now...

 starting to see the bigger picture.

I love the night, but lately have been gathering a better appreciation for the morning.

The possibility of a day and the sunrise.

Desperate for it to make sense, forcing patience...

don't forget to trust...without trust we have fear.

Fear can be so debilitating.

Looking back at experiences where I had fear,

I didn't trust in  the adventure.

In order to maximize experience you have to have trust ,

that things are going to be okay...

trust in the ferocity of life,

the relationships you have built.

but most importantly,

in yourself.

Trust leads to so much freedom.

That's what I want really, the freedom,

to be.

to do.

to explore.

to love.

to live.

Never underestimate the power or unconditional love.

Keep the people who support you close,

distance yourself from those who break you down.

trust that those in your past who remain in your present will appear in your future.

Those people are so valuable and irreplaceable.

count your blessing, believe them, they might know you better then you know yourself.

don't allow the adventure and allure of freedom keep you from strengthening those bonds.

chances are...when you look back on it all,

you'll remember the sunsets and sunrises,

the beauty of nature,

the roads you've traveled,

the cities you've lived in,

but mostly the way the people in your life made you feel.

focus on the good and forget the bad.

believe them.

they might know you better then you know yourself.