“They danced down the street like dingledodies and I shambled after as usual as I’ve been doing all my life after people that interest me, because the only people that interest me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing.. but burn, burn, burn like roman candles across the night.”

"And for just a moment I had reached the point of ecstasy that I always wanted to reach, which was the complete step across chronological time into timeless shadows, and wonderment in the bleakness of the mortal realm, and the sensation of death kicking at my heels to move on, with a phantom dogging its own heels..."
Jack Kerouac

“There’s much more. There’s all that goes beyond – all … that is Elsewhere – and all that goes back, and back, and back. I received all of those, when I was selected. And here in this room, all alone, I re-experience them again and again. It is how wisdom comes. And how we shape our future.”

And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape

'Cause I'm not fine at all

The habit of looking to the future and thinking that the whole meaning of the present lies in what it will bring forth is a pernicious one. There can be no value in the whole unless there is value in the parts.

BERTRAND RUSSELL, Conquest of Happiness

I wonder always the constant duality of life.

Why is everything always composed of such opposing forces.

Working hardest against the progress of the other.

The greatest fear of it all 

is trading an possibility of an opportunity for love, 

real true honest selfless love...

for the possibility of an opportunity for adventure,

real true honest passionate adventure.

Fearful of one outcome
and equally fearful of the other outcome.

What is a beatnik, 

where is freedom, 

the place of fabulous yellow roman candles.

Something that can't possibly be understood by masses.

This desire that lies embedded deep in the soul, 

layered by experience and heartache.

Sometimes the easiest thing to do is a simple taste of instant gratification,

riddled with guilt and regret.

I refused to fall into the normalcy.

I refuse to bend to the pressures and expectations.

Love and Freedom are equal weight of the scales,

and opposing forces in a raging war.

I know the things that have passed and those events have built me.

The things ahead on the horizon, those lurking in the future,

only dictate strengthening of version of self that is.

I never understood love,

and maybe that's how it was always supposed to be.

To feel alone and to be alone are two different things.

Each choice has equal importance, but lead to different paths,

different adventures.

One understood and one unrelatable.

To be misunderstood is to know what it is to be alone.

I wonder how it all plays out in the end,

written like the heroine in the classic story.

Written like a god in an ancient myth.

Removed from the exactness of reality,

 fantasized as an sailor sailing off into the sunset in an ocean breeze.

The possibilities that are endlessly laid out,

 the excitement of the newness of it all,

the fear of the finality of the choice,

the fear of the sureness that comes with age and time.

I never assume a thing, 

because I've learned that people are full of surprises.

Good and bad ones, but never as predictable as one can hope.

Relatable on so many levels, 

at the core characteristics of being human,

and walled by there own insecurity and flaws.

Beauty in nature, and the innocence in new horizons,

this is pure and honest and motivating.

Nature does not demand to be understood and it does not need or want.

Endless sunsets, open ocean, quiet skies...

instead demand to be respect and never pass judgement.

I don't know how it was supposed to be,

I only know how it is,

how it was.

I cannot change the past,

but I can shape the future.

I can carry with me the burdens and the hopefulness,

I can remain brave and hopeful for a future filled with changing horizons,

lit with the fabulous yellow roman candles,

burning bright bright bright.

And just let the opposing forces battle on,

surrounded by the warfare, avoiding danger,

trying to keep myself from being a casualty of indecision.

Approaching transformation of self as a shield

 for the weapons of time, money, age, opportunity.

Making the most of every moment, every second,

and respecting that life operates without permissions.

And know that misunderstanding is better then assuming.

And recognize that being alone and feeling alone are two separate feelings.

And that there are choices that constantly dictate the natural motion.

And remain hopeful.

And know that it all matters.

And take nothing foregranted because above all else,

nothing is truly deserved...

It all becomes karma, serendipity, happenstance,

and you don't always earn those moments,

and you don't always understand the whys and hows.

But it's still okay.

Celebrate the people but understand the limitations of it all,

know that it will just add to the creation of a better understanding.

Prioritize, scrutinize, plan carefully, wait patiently...

it all matters.

And don't give up on love and don't give up on adventure.

These are the dualities of life and the driving forces.

They will lead to freedom.