"I've been picking up the pieces of the mess you made People like you always want back the love they pushed aside But people like me are gone forever when you say goodbye..."

I think I want you more than want. And no I need you more than need. I want to hold you more than hold. When you stood in front of me. I think you know me more than know. And you see me more than see. I could die now more than die. Every time you look at me.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieve it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night. 

"I have always known I wanted to be an actress, but my New York experience made me realize that my desire had nothing to do with becoming famous or making money, I was interested in exploring the human soul, its complexity, I wanted to work to understand something about life and myself. Being an actress means being in another person's shoes and therefore understanding what the person whose role you play feels; but also connecting with other human beings, as a mark of profound professional intimacy, that often touches the soul."

My head, my head is full of things that I should've done
My heart, my heart is heavy, and it sinks like a stone

She said, "Is this the life you've been dreaming of
Spending half the day away from the things you love?
It's not too late to do something new."

She said, "It's hard enough trying to live your life.
But not following your dreams made you dead inside.
If you don't love what you do."

“Do you ever feel that way?"
"Lonely?"
I search for the words. "Restless. As if you haven't really met yourself yet. As is you'd passed yourself once in the fog, and your heart leapt - 'Ah! There I Am! I've been missing that piece!' But it happens too fast, and then that part of you disappears into the fog again. And you spend the rest of your days looking for it."

People always try to explain and rationalize everything.

We do this in order to relate and connect with various moments in time,

but I wonder if that's us doing a disservice to ourselves.

I wonder about how life would transform if we decided to live bravely,

with an open mind and an accepting heart.

Throwing ourselves into each and ever opportunity that crosses our path.

Not worrying about tomorrow or yesterday.

But simply holding the right now.

It's hard for us to "let things go."

We are so attached to our things, possessions, control.

It becomes an issue of humility and generosity to give things up.

We congratulate ourselves for giving instead of receiving.

We want to create our own destiny and build our future.

We want to be happily surprised in arenas where we create and control an inevitable outcome.

We hope to gain experience, we make wish lists,

but then we never take action because its outside of the comfort zone.

It does feel safe,

and as much as we say we are gamblers,

we simply don't want to expose ourselves to risk.

I've found that opportunity is not something we create,

but it's a fleeting moment in time where we make a decision to journey into the unknown.

I've found bravery isn't a feeling we can master,

but rather it's a way of living we can practice.

You will never be absent from fear,

there are will always be parts of life and living that are unknown,

where things lie deep out of reach,

uncontrollable.

And what is most sensible thing to fear but the unknown.

If the unknown is  a deep dark bottomless pit,

then opportunity is the entrance.

It lies just on the surface between what we can see and control

and what we cannot predict.

Don't let it pass by quickly, recognize that fear makes bravery possible,

being brave is not the absence of fear,

but instead it's creating experiences in the midst of the things we are afraid of.

It's hard to explain to you.

But I say this in preparation for what is to come.

And I've reached the point where backwards actually feels like the past,

and every moment is a step in the future.

Transformation, change, the unknown, bravery, patience, love.

It's all happening again,

I feel like i'm standing on the surface of the known,

surrounded by opportunity,

peering down into the deep dark bottomless pit.

And I cringe to admit this,

but yes, I feel older, worn my past experiences of what was.

And although I saturate myself in reminders of my city,

it has settled as an epic moment in the history of who I am,

and it feels as comfortable as seeing an older friend.

I never thought I would be at that point,

but I'm okay with that.

I'm keeping in mind what I was told once,

That leaving my city was not the end of an adventure,

but rather the beginning of many.

And I'm on a count,

the clock ticks away and I'm savoring each moment this time.

I'm appreciating beauty and experience,

not in the quiet moments, but the loud ones.

I''m celebrating love instead of questioning it,

I'm saying two yes's for every no.

I"m being patient and strategic,

but I'm also being spontaneous.

I'm allowing my dreams to grow bigger than I can imagine,

and throwing them into the bottomless pit of the unknown.

Its okay to ask questions that don't have answers,

it's okay to let yourself live spontaneously,

it's okay to search in new places for connection.

Don't discount any moment,

don't get discourage.

This is you transforming into a better version.

Life may be short, or life may be long.

In the end it doesn't matter because we don't choose this for ourselves.

Remember how hard it is to "let things go..."

Well try,

because if you loosen the reigns of all the things you are trying to control,

then your hands will be free to explore,

experience,

and just be present.

That way you can maximize the here and now.

And you can be ready to snatch up the opportunities as they fly past.

There are things in life you don't want to be true that are,

spending your time and energy fighting to change that is useless,

Remember that being misunderstood is okay.

It does not prevent us from connectedness,

so stop trying to explain away the in explainable and just live.

And lastly a little bit about love.

At the core of human connectedness we have this thing call love.

And even though it has an endless variety,

never reappearing in the same way..

it also creates this universal connection among every person.

And it's okay to celebrate alongside others,

but don't discount the value it has for you personally.

Its the reason to experience each moment fairly,

its the reason we strive to explore and adventure,

it the reason we thirst for connections, and desire to be understood,

its the reason we appreciate beauty,

it's the greatest part of the legacy.

I've stopped trying to create happiness,

and instead have put my energy into practicing love.

This has changed my life in a profound way.

But its okay,

just do you best,

and don't forget it all matters.