“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”

“It was one thing to make a mistake; it was another thing to keep making it. I knew what happened when you let yourself get close to someone, when you started to believe they loved you: you'd be disappointed. Depend on someone, and you might as well admit you're going to be crushed, because when you really needed them, they wouldn't be there. Either that, or you'd confide in them and you added to their problems."

“That was the day my whole world went black. Air looked black. Sun looked black. I laid up in bed and stared at the black walls of my house….Took three months before I even looked out the window, see the world still there. I was surprised to see the world didn’t stop.” 

Goodbye
Should be sayin' that to you by now, shouldn't I?
Layin' down the law that I live by,
Though maybe next time

I've got a thick tongue,
Brimming with the words that go unsung
Simmer then the burn for a someone,
A wrong one

And I tell myself to let the story end,
My heart will rest in someone else's hand
My 'why not me?' philosophy began,
And I say...

I've stopped trying to create happiness, and instead have put my energy into practicing love. This has changed my life in a profound way.

Life has been moving at a slower pace than usual,

and if feels like the typical calm before the storm.

I know a lot of things are ahead,

looming on the horizon,

right before me. 

I'm woke up in the middle of the night,

frantic, panicked.

I think about the last five years,

and what's brought me too this point.

Its absolutely overwhelming but yet perfectly strategic.

Every course mapped out carefully,

and a never ending bucket list that continues to transform.

And most of it is not saying the things that need to be said.

Trying to bottle and filter the appropriate things.

And keeping close what needs to be kept silent.

I've been thinking a lot about trust.

It's the a powerful force,

binding each other together.

As necessary as love and breathing.

It can be built so strong,

like a fortress...

metaphorical bricks stacked together.

And it is so easily shattered.

How can something that is so strong

be destroyed so easily?

That I may never understand.

Believe strongly in second chances

But practice first being open minded.

Closing your door to opportunities will only create a narrow perspective.

It will limit possibilities.

Being open and fair with your heart and mind

and this will build unity and tolerance.

Celebrate differences and compare similarities.

Build strong fortresses,

but don't waste time rebuilding.

Know that character shines brighter than the sun.

Don't be purposefully ignorant about character judgement.

Practice listening to your gut,

give attention to instinct.

Because if you choose to ignore the obvious signs,

you are choosing to create a falsehood.

And why would you want to fill yourself with a fantasy.

I think it's important to distinguish between fantasy and dreaming.

Dreamers focus on the possible,

they aim a little higher,

and struggle to reach just outside the comfort zone,

to become bigger,

to experience,

to transform.

Fantasy is more so trying to alter your reality.

Its fictional,

inconceivable.

Live in the dreamers world.

Set goals and obtain life points.

Create a life that is meaningful.

Be a person who is actively trying to improve.

Resist the fantasy of dissolving reality

and accepting falsehoods as truth.

Because in the end you will always be destroyed when you build your fortress out of falsehood.

The trust will shatter in an instant.

I was told always let your yes be yes and your no a no.

Don't make promises you can't keep,

don't make promises you don't intend to keep.

Because ultimately you are showcasing integrity.

A proud name tag labeling your character.

Do you want your integrity to be filled with half truths and false promises?

Or do you want to grow as someone honorable,

dependable,

reliable,

trust worthy...

I've made mistakes in the past,

building a fortress made of falsehood.

Through harsh reality I learned the difference between dreaming and fantasy.

I want an admirable integrity.

I want my promises to hold merit,

I want my words to remain as structurally sound truths.

I do not want to waste time with those who contain themselves.

Who speak empty words of things that will never come to pass.

I don't want to be warped by other's fantasies,

and I will not watch walls crumble into dust.

Because I know the importance of trust.

And character becomes apparent so quickly.

But I don't fault you completely because it's never one sided.

It's always three sided.

But you can't spend time dwelling on the past.

You must persevere forward into the unknown.

And keep your fantasy at minimum,

so you can maximize dreams.

So you can obtain the greatness you desire,

so you can embark on the adventures that lie ahead,

and you can build relationships with those that you deserve.

You'll find if you stop trying to create happiness,

and start practicing love...

you will transform your life greatly.

And those that live in the "what ifs" and "when I" s... will drift father in the rear view.

Don't you know...

you will only change your situation if you take active steps to do so.

I don't live with regrets,

because experience creates transformation.

Those hard things your suffer through make way to the triumphs.

But I live with scars and battle wounds,

of learning life's hard lessons.

This is what it means be an active participant in life.

This is what it means to create a better version of self.

So please know this is the end of road for falsehoods and fantasies.

I will live in the here and now,

operating in the present and actively showcasing an integrity that I am proud of.

Time is so valuable,

much too valuable for falsehood.

So understand I mean what I say,

and I expect the same from others.

I will continue to grow,

i will make mistakes,

but I will only recover stronger.

And love is always more powerful than any opposition.

It is the concrete for a strong fortress of trust.

And it all matters.