"We go toward the softest places to land, and sometimes they are few and far between. I was lucky to find some sort of path that stretched out in front of me, like yellow lines on a freeway, and even luckier to have the feeling that it was going to take me somewhere special..." -Sara Bareilles

****All quotes and Lyrics are Sara Bareilles, because her music and words have changed my life****

"...time does what it always does: softened hard edges." 

“You are overwhelmed and haven’t learned to be your own friend through this yet. You will. Your fear of jumping without a net is so valid, and the trick that you haven’t learned yet is that that’s life, always and everywhere. There are no nets. Life is a big, long free fall, and the sooner you can embrace what is beautiful about that, the sooner you will start to enjoy the ride.” 

"Soon, you will start really writing your own music, and you will see such depth in yourself that you didn't know what there. It will fill you up. You will tell the story of feeling invisible to love, and it will comfort other people who feel the same way, and it will make you feel connected to something bigger than yourself."

"There is something really magical about loving someone, especially in the beginning, when they hijack your whole being and rewrite the synapses of your brain until they are conducting all traffic. It's like everything is seen through the prism of that person, and it somehow makes everything sing."

"Looking back on those early days now, I realize I had no perspective on where my music was headed, but as time passed, the picture revealed itself slowly, slowly, slowly."

Let me unveil to you the honest truth of dream chasing.

And I say this not to throw shade on the the past celebratory musings as of late,

but to give you a painfully honest perspective of someone who lives this way.

And it's been weighing heavily on my mind,

so I must express these thoughts.

There is such an amazing beauty in not settling.

This looks different for different people,

Some people are cursed with the knowing from the very beginning.

They struggle through the challenge of how to "get there."

Climbing high to a dream that sits at an impossible altitude.

Through sheer determination and hard work and a splash of luck they find themselves at the top.

Others are cursed with not knowing,

but the fire and passion to engage in the search.

Instead of knowing what direction to head,

they only know what direction NOT to go...

and this leaves them running down all kinds of paths searching for the place that feels right,

the place that feels like home.

I used to be completely convinced 100% that this was a choice.

People can choose to settle,

people can choose to explore and adventure...

Now I have the tendency to believe this is not a choice.

This is something that is built deep into the workings of who we are as people.

The very basic design of our human makeup,

the things that make us who we are.

I wish this was a choice,

and I could say that I choose this way.

But really it becomes about survival.

Keeping the soul alive,

feeding the spiritual need to engage in the journey,

because everything that is the essence of everything dies a suffocating death.

And something deeply personal,

I have been sad lately.

And when I dug into the core of my feelings,

I realized the sadness was not sprung from missing the familiar,

missing the people and places that built a home,

but rather the sadness has a different source.

It comes from the realization that I do not have those achingly homesick feelings,

and the sadness comes from knowing I am not missing.

Which is only further evidence that it was always meant to be this way.

And there was always a separation,

invisible walls built up to keep me out,

and divide.

And the confirmation that this feels so right,

is also the confirmation that it had to be this way.

Don't discount my gratitude for my situation.

I have run down every path laid before me and finally reached a place called home.

And this is a great accomplishment.

But perhaps a tiny part lived inside that thought maybe things were never meant to be this way.

That maybe I would loop back around and see myself as someone who needed a journey,

but would safely end up back among friends.

Instead,

here I am...

living in a foreign paradise,

without a single tinge of remorse, regret, or sorrow.

Only sorrow for what is not felt.

I think it's also important to remember that life is going have continual ups and downs.

And even though it feels like a conclusion,

life is not done,

and the story is not over.

Even when you can look behind you and see clear progress and a sensible progression,

really life can never truly be predictable.

If you continue to live with an openness that allows your story to unfold as it should,

you'll see that crazy things lie ahead.

Some predictable,

others that will knock you off your feet.

And when you feel tired,

which you will feel...

that exhaustion from trying and trying to be a better version,

and to align yourself correctly,

and to keep pushing yourself forward,

father from your comfort zone,

creating new comfort zones...

when you feel tired remember-

that nothing in life comes easy.

And it shouldn't.

Because there are lessons in the challenges.

Opportunities for growth.

Life is pointless without self-improvement.

The minute you stop trying,

you stop feeding the need to develop into a better human being,

and to leave behind a respectable footprint on this early,

and a legacy,

is the moment that life becomes stagnant.

Where complacency becomes reality,

and you settle. 

And I promise you this...

I will never, NEVER settle.

I would rather be done with this round of living before I settled.

It's a fight I won't surrender.

So remember that momentum is important,

but keep searching for the meanings of things.

Don't accept the first answer that falls into your laps,

but search out purpose.

Look back at the great struggles of the people you respect and admire most.

They had a fire that never burned out,

they continued to work and evolve,

even when they were exhausted,

even when it seemed like the odds were stacked against them,

even when nothing about moving forward made sense.

They rose to victory from a pile of disappointments.

This is what it takes to be great.

This is what it takes to grow.

This is what is takes to achieve.

And this is the definition of chasing your dreams.

I wish I could promise to you that you will find yourself at the end someday.

Where everything makes perfect sense,

and everything feels just the way it should be.

But know it probably won't be that way.

You will have to keep chasing,

keep progressing,

and you might find yourself on the other side of the wall a lot.

And as you grow in understanding  you might be sad,

and that's okay,

because I promise you the alternative would bring a deeper sadness then you could handle.

And you probably won't be "great" but follow the examples that are set for you.

It's necessary to celebrate victory,

but don't stop trying.

Because it's the trying that makes you who you are,

and it's your truest self.

Even though life and living has never been this good before,

take this opportunity to level up and dream bigger then you ever have.

Set goals with a little more confidence that you will achieve them.

You're life is meant to be lived like this,

and even though you fight to be understood,

you have to accept that it may just be this way for you,

and its okay if people can't understand that.

It's those that reach a little further outside the box that achieve unexpected results.

It all matters,

and please don't forget to love. 

I've been down, I've been out 
I did it all on my own 
Seems growing up 
Didn't take long 
I feel strange, I feel good 
I feel better with you 
You've changed, you should 
Cause I think I did too 

Made my mistakes 
I did a few things right 
But it will take what it will take 
Baby, that's life 
You cannot change what you do not own 
Everybody knows 
But if you live deep and love strong 
You get pretty damn close 

It moves fast and it scares me 
I close my eyes, oh but I still see 

I'm fading in and out 
What are you supposed to do save me know 
From all of this danger you don't know how 
And I'll find my way out 
When I'm in the red 

"...And do not forget the law of rhythm—that is at the back of everything. Count on rhythm; it never has failed yet, and it never will. Watch for the high tides of yourself and flow up with them; when the inevitable low tides come, either rest or meditate. You cannot escape rhythm. You transcend it by working with it. You can even turn and grow young, for time also has its tides; and there are many ripples in the long sea-swell of life."

"I always swore I would never live in New York," Sara Bareilles says with a laugh from her New York apartment. "I always felt so overwhelmed here. It's ironic -- the thing you think you don't need is the thing you actually need most."

So how do you do it,
With just words and just music,
Capture the feeling that my earth is somebody's ceiling
Can I deliver in sound
The weight of the ground
Of a cemetery
In the center of Queens

"What is that feeling when you’re driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? – it’s the too-huge world vaulting us, and it’s good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies."

This is my winter song to you

The storm is coming soon

It rolls in from the sea

My voice, a beacon in the night

My words will be your light

To carry you to me

Is love alive?

-S.B.

Let the bough break, let it come down crashing

Let the sun fade out to a dark sky

I can't say I'd even notice it was absent

'Cause I could live by the light in your eyes

I'll unfold before you

Would have strung together

The very first words of a lifelong love letter

Tell the world that we finally got it all right

I choose you

I will become yours and you will become mine

I choose you

There was a time when I would have believed them

If they told me that you could not come true

Just love's illusion-But then you found me

And everything changed-

And I believe in something again

My whole heart Will be yours forever

This is a beautiful start

To a lifelong love letter

Lately it's been a lot of nothing but really everything,

dealing the day ins and day outs of mundane stability,

but learning to navigate myself around the different parts of the familiar,

letting it all just setting in my soul, filling me up to capacity.

I learn accountability to myself, too keep the nows and always as interesting as possible,

exhausting further energies to realize the beauty in the little things.

It's surprising how much is not missed,

and even more surprising how fast thoughts disappear.

I wonder who would believe me if i told them I think about my city every day,

everything sparks me to drift away so quickly into a daydream of the "what was...

and I know it was easier there to practice being a better version of myself.

The silences are so much louder now,

and i'm faced with less chances to prove that I'm transforming anonymously.

But no regrets, because the things I appreciate now are the things I lacked so much then.

The busy predictability of life, and friendship, and accessibility are scattering about my days,

and I know exactly who I need to be in relation to my circumstance.

I have succeeded and excelled at all the things I thought would be so difficult to master.

The things that are hard are all the things I knew would come.

Its a quite satisfaction in simply surviving the everyday mundane life.

I know who I can count on, I know who I can turn to...

I know who I get excited to see, and I know who to avoid,

every face that circles is a face that I've seen before.

It's about making the most of everything you hate, to appreciate the things you didn't know you would ever be.

Maybe someday...soon or in the future I'll be in that place again where everything is a fight to survive,

where everything matters...and you are battling the uncertainties and unpredictability of the life you knew you were supposed to live.

Where things count and things transform and things amaze,

and beauty if everywhere.

But until them...really it comes down to this:

we accept the love we think we deserve.

It's about choosing an attitude that reflects who you are as a person.

It's about representing yourself honestly,

it's about being comfortable in an uncomfortable life.

You never wanted to be me,

and I always want to be a better version of me.

Destiny. Fate. Serendipity.

It all comes into play as the universe shifts.

Its' about saying the big things that you leave unsaid because they are so scary.

Words trump action.

You hold in the things you want to keep sacred,

let out the things you have too...

When really-it becomes what's unsaid that matters.

I hope you know that I've never loved harder,

fought as intensely...to preserve a great love...

a love that last through the ages and explodes as perfection.

The long lasting, time stopping, heart breaking love.

It's important to me that you know that I prioritize this,

because it all matters. 

Without love you'll never understand the beauty in the little things...

and to me, if you can't find the beauty then it all becomes pointless.

So I choose love.