“Love the world and yourself in it, move through it as though it offers no resistance, as though the world is your natural element.”
“I think that my job is to observe people and the world, and not to judge them. I always hope to position myself away from so-called conclusions. I would like to leave everything wide open to all the possibilities in the world.”
“Becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it.”
I stood out on the road
and I watched as you were leaving.
The leaves were dancing oranges and reds
and they circled all around me like confetti on fire.
They were nothing when compared to the burning in my head.
and I watched as you were leaving.
The leaves were dancing oranges and reds
and they circled all around me like confetti on fire.
They were nothing when compared to the burning in my head.
But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human, yeah
There's something so perfect and beautiful about falling back into old routines.
Even just in that instant, feeling invincible again.
Keeping secrets from the world and tending to yourself and practicing the real version.
Its the purest feeling, and it makes me feel such a sense of familiar comfort to be uncomfortable.
To be missed and to be vacant and all at the same time to be 100% present.
Ironic how it used to be...to disappear into darkness to find that sense of familiarity,
and now to disappear again to connect with feeling lost.
You can never have it all the ways you want it.
Becoming a prisoner to the here and now,
leaving the past behind and the future an unknown.
And it's hard to remember the way it felt,
to be living in this way of complete freedom and carelessness.
It was a perfect sense of instability, spontaneous moments colliding over and over.
To change and evolve at a rapid pace, to create an beautiful environment of transformation.
My only wish, is that I would know then that it wouldn't always be this way.
But it was never unappreciated,
never taken for-granted.
Every sound and smell and building and person capture,
absorbed through the senses and molded into beautiful memories.
I don't know if ever a day will pass when a part of me does not drift off into that place.
So proud of what made me who I am.
So different then when I began,
and so far away from how it all started.
I count myself blessed to have endured an experience that will last a lifetime.
So much of it remains with me as a secret from the rest of the world.
Owning the timeline, creating and recreating it as my memory lets me.
But now its another unimaginable scenario in a different time.
Cutting away the daggers that were poking holes in my existence.
Removing enablers...
No time for lies or half truths,
disloyalty.
My heart and my soul and my mind remain in tact.
Filtering the here and now to continue evolving into that better version of self.
But you're not to blame.
Because all along I knew you weren't who you said you were.
I knew you were making decisions that were destructive.
I knew you were leaning too hard on me,
making it something it was not.
Even though all along, it could have been different...
it's too late now.
Time has passed and I don't have regrets,
but I know it can never be the same, and I won't let it.
Because in the end, it becomes a waste of time.
Explanations, excuses, lack of accountability...
this is no way to live.
So even though you may exist in the past,
my future will be void of you.
And all the times we had together and the memories,
I thank you for hope you gave,
shoulders to lean on,
words, notes, letters...
but it doesn't lighten my load, and the weight it too much to carry.
A journey is already mapped out and it's one I must be on alone.
There is no place for what you are.
Because this story is a bigger story,
it's one that lives on long after this time and place.
And the adventures never stop,
and self discovery remains a priority.
The smell of a soon to be summer night,
a crispness in the air...
bright stars, bright lights, the sounds of traffic, the quietness of the night...
those are the most wonderful things.
They allow me to live in a place there I am not,
but rather a place where I have been.
To remind you of how it was always supposed to be...
Carry hope for a new horizon and a sense of exploration.
Carry patience because sometimes the best things happen naturally in their own time, at their own pace.
Carry bravery for experiencing the unknown,
and carry bravery for those events that push you to evolve.
Carry appreciation for beauty...
the beauty in people and places,
the beauty in the quietest moments in the loudest of places.
The beauty that is everywhere all the time,
the beauty that gets overlooked.
Carry love...to give and to receive.
to only accept the love you KNOW you deserve.
And always always ALWAYS, keep evolving into a better version of self.
You are never done with this because a life of newness creates constant learning and changing.
And finally know that it all matters.