Chapter 2: NYC- The Return: "...joy for the times that are discouraging. hope for a better clarity. perspective to remember what has past. bravery to learn lessons even through fear, and an undying passion for beauty in everything..."

"The trick is the same as before,

Maintain patience for a life to evolve as it's meant too.

Carry an enthusiasm for relationships, an open eye for new encounters,

Keep courage to try new things, 

faith that people are inherently good,

endurance for the parts that seam unbearable..."

To live will be an awfully big adventure. J.M. Barrie

Keep an open mind and an adventurous heart and let life teach you great lessons. To city the that brought me to my knees: you've created a better version of self, inspired hope, and encouraged an endless wanderer.

Oh, I beg you, can I follow?

Oh, I ask you, Why not always?

Be the ocean, where I unravel

Be my only, be the water where I'm wading

You're my river running high, run deep, run wild

I, I follow, I follow you

Deep sea baby, I follow you

I, I follow, I follow you

Dark doom honey, I follow you

He's a message, I'm the runner

He's the rebel, I'm the daughter waiting for you

You're my river running high, run deep, run wild

"In my mind things were so different... It just goes to show life has its own agenda and if you let it...it will make you strong. Beautiful things grow in the face of disappointment. An open heart is just as important as an open mind.I live with no regret. Just patience and understanding for myself as I learn hard lessons and grow to be a better version of myself."

Chapter 2: NYC-The Return

That moment when you're driving down the FDR towards Brooklyn,

on the Willliamsburg Bridge with Manhattan twinkling behind you,

and that feeling that you're finally entering the place that you call home,

and probably always will...

And just for a quick second your body feels tingly and floating,

because everything is the most overwhelming in the best way.

So you can't help but tearing up a little because you know you're in the middle of something so incredible,

and the feeling is pure gratitude

and humility for the great city.

Or that moment you're walking up a crowded 5th Avenue sidewalk,

and people...surrounded, commotion, noises, smells...

but all you can hear is the song that's playing-

archiving the moment...capturing it in ways that words and pictures cannot.

Emphasizing the beauty and enhancing the feelings.

And even though its a sea of strangers,

you've never felt so welcomed, or so at home,

ever in your life.

And that moment when you are standing in the clouds,

looking forward and backwards at the most beautiful city in the world.

And from this perspective, it doesn't look that big.

Just people and places stacked on top of each other.

Isolation and community compacted into a tiny island.

And there are just headlights and taillights illuminating crowded corridors.

And you don't know if you've ever known anything as perfect.

And whether above or below, or next too...

you know you're in it.

And it didn't forget  you,

but rather was waiting there for you as it's always been before.

And even though everything has changed,

really nothing has changed.

And you know you can be the true version of self,

because this place is your happiness,

a finish line at the end of a journey.

And it's accepting of who you were, who you are, and who you will become. 

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Its always so hard to put words down on a page,

to try to explain a feeling and a moment, when so much is always happening.

Part of the struggle is just to process the action-reaction of life,

long chains of cause and effect,

stretching beyond any imagination.

Things always seem so clear and they never mean what I think they do.

Newness is birthed from devastation and disappointment.

Opportunity is created from desperation and despair.

Really that's the thing about transformation though.

We are constantly evolving into better or worse versions of self,

tattooed by the choices we make,

marked by the relationships that we create or break.

The one thing I've always loved about change is the predictable unpredictability.

You never truly have full control on the realities of life,

just on the person you're choosing to be.

And sometimes life creates its own plan,

and karma comes back around,

and you find yourself in a place you never thought you could get too.

But its so natural, and conversation flows easily,

and when trying to digest it all afterwards,

you realize that your life is permanently changed.

I thought there was a different purpose to you,

even though deep down I knew we were't on the same page,

it was all so natural and organic,

I didn't realize that the result would be this way.

And I can never discount the time we spent together,

being the way we were,

and I'm grateful.

But in the end, you must release yourself from the things that keep you from what you want.

More importantly, from people who keep you from trying to figure it out.

Life is an adventure and its overcoming the obstacles that are in the way,

whatever those may look like.

The smile on your face reminds me that there is an innocence,

a beauty,

a perfection in imperfection.

What's the point of it all without taking risks?

Be that better version of self,

even if its only a little at a time.

Self-preservation and self-transformation are the driving forces behind purpose.

Live with undying passion, blind innocent beautiful passion...

because you have to challenge yourself to love harder and love bigger then before,

remember it's just about overcoming the obstacles,

so you can be surprised by what lies on the other side.

I do not have regrets.

I do not think it was a waste of time.

I do not long for the past.

I do not discount disappointments.

I do not let loneliness overpower curiosity.

I do not need to learn lessons twice.

I do not wish I was more understood, but rather the right amount of misunderstood.,

I do not forget to dance quietly,

smile loudly,

hope passionately.

I do not forget about the importance of appreciating beauty.

I do not settle for this version of self,

because i know another better one is waiting behind the next obstacle.

I do not let you have more of me then I give to myself,

because I do not forget to love myself,

I do not forget to be brave when I'm scared that life has stopped moving fluidly.

I do not forget patience for change.

I do not forget that it all matters.