"Life does not get easier or harder, rather each one of us grows weary or energetic at times. We struggle to adapt and fight to keep control. Position yourself to move forward and appreciate the moments along the way."

“There is an ecstasy that marks the summit of life, and beyond which life cannot rise. And such is the paradox of living, this ecstasy comes when one is most alive, and it comes as a complete forgetfulness that one is alive.  Jack. London.

“I leave, and the leaving is so exhilarating I know I can never go back. But then what? Do I just keep leaving places, and leaving them, and leaving them, tramping a perpetual journey?” J.G.

“The town was paper, but the memories were not. All the things I’d done here, all the love and pity and compassion and violence and spite, kept welling up inside me.” J.G.

He said let's get out of this town
Drive out of the city
Away from the crowds
I thought heaven can't help me now
Nothing lasts forever
But this is gonna take me down
He's so tall, and handsome as hell
He's so bad but he does it so well

T.S.

A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely unhappen. ~Edward de Bono

Memories are strange sometimes.

Its interesting how we fight to keep some moments alive,

and desperately try to make others forgotten.

A breadcrumb trail left to show how we have passed the time,

and how we have grown and evolved.

Its so easy to hoard memories that make us feel safe,

and wrap themselves tightly into our soul.

Those memories that become a core part of our identity,

and we learn to navigate with them as compasses into the future.

I caution against recreating them and re-writing a past of falsehood.

The hardest struggle is to know when to let them fade into the background,

and to force yourself to live in the present.

Like throwing messages in a bottle out to sea and hoping that they return one day...

I used to think that history was so important.

Keep knowledge of past events,

past mistakes...

don't let history recreate itself.

Remember where you came and how far you brought yourself.

It's hard to let go of such valuable treasures of yesterday.

But they can keep your prisoners of time,

and disable any forward progress.
Its vital we are honest with ourselves,

and we use moments in the past to propel ourselves forward,

and not to keep us trapped in the dark.

Its funny the way your head and your heart are at odds.

Logically you follow a pattern,

a plan,

a list of pros and cons...

But sometimes it's the heart that is louder.

Head vs heart.

How do you unify the two to gain the momentum that is is necessary for change?

I've lived for the last five years without regret.

With a wise openness to experience and adventure.

I've made the breadcrumb trail of memories,

scattered about in a sensible way,

decorating the wake of my own living.

Waiting for the pieces of the puzzle to create a bigger picture.

Now it all becomes clear and I can see what the events of before have created.

What a masterpiece of life's perfection.

All the anguish associated with dramatic change and set forth a chain of events,

and it has brought me exactly where I've been trying to get to.

But sometimes the memories come back in loud waves,

filling the perfection.

And I find that it puts me at odds with myself.

But a true journey of self-discovery is not without sacrifice.

I wear the battle scars as proud reminders to be where I am,

and appreciate it all...the past the present and what lies in the future.

Never forgetting to live as a person who is patient, self-evolving, 

and appreciative of the beautiful world I'm surrounded by.

Maybe memories are a reminder to never leave things unsaid.

Express yourself because no one can read your mind,

and in order to journey through self-discovery you have to force yourself to be heard at times,

and let others come to their own conclusions.

It's important to try to be understood,

so you don't create a life of isolation.

Value your own thoughts and know that they are valid,

even if they are not shared.

I should tell you how my head and heart have finally agreed,

but the circumstance has changed and its become irrelevant.

But i'm glad to have this burst of inspiration.

I wish in a way that time and distance didn't make the possible impossible.

I'm so grateful for the small bit of time we shared,

and that you saw me in a way that no one else has.

I'm forever grateful for that, and the opportunity to be swept off my feet.

For fireworks, and July, and long walks and discussions about life and possibility.

Because hopefulness and optimism are the best weapons to carry with you.

And you gave that too me,

along with a hearty dose of inspiration and affirmation of the choices that have been made.

I bet you had no idea about any of it,

but life is serendipitous like that.

And love is a powerful force and ever changing.

So in order to respectfully preserve a past filled with challenge and triumph,

I will not re-create memories into a falsehood.

I will not let them shift into a security blanket,

and I will not let them keep me a prisoner of my past.

I will remember the way it was when it all started,

and I will remember how it marks the start of the life changing adventure,

but I will keep my future void of the past,

because forward motion is the only option.

Such a little amount of time to accomplish so many things,

a lifetime is really an instant in the grand scheme of it all.

And what I once wanted matters a great deal,

but the time has passed and I don't believe it will be reconciled again.

Because it all matters,

you have to realize that what you do an how you conduct yourself cannot be changed.

Sometimes opportunities arise only once,

and since you let it pass by,

it's become another breadcrumb in my wake.

Actions speak louder than words,

and they always have.

Words, though powerful, are just affirmations of who we are and how we are,

without the actions to support them they are empty and meaningless.

I have learned to trust the most in realness of actions.

And I have learned to lean less on the emptiness of words.

So let's charge forward,

and begin to enjoy the rewards of knowing the whole picture,

and understanding what has brought you to this point,

and living life in a way you so desperately wanted to master.

And navigating it as confident and hopeful as ever.

I know little abut the greatness of life and the universe,

but I know so well the importance of the here and now.

And the purposefulness of self-actualization,

and the gratitude for perseverance through the rough patches.

I cannot wish for a change in the past,

because it would just create ripples in the future .

Instead, I will remember where I started and where I came from,

but I'll release myself from the past so I can move easily in the future,

and more importantly have a better appreciation for the present.

Because even with a clear picture,

love is still important,

and there is still so much beauty to appreciate,

and though it might not seem like it all the time,

it really does matter.