"Hello from the other side I must've called a thousand times...To tell you I'm sorry, for everything that I've done-But when I call you never seem to be home..."

Hello, how are you?
It's so typical of me to talk about myself, I'm sorry
I hope that you're well
Did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened?

It's no secret
That the both of us are running out of time

To tell you I'm sorry, for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore.

"The only way to do great work is to love what you do...

Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle." -Steve Jobs

It's not easy to know
I'm not anything like I used to be
Although it's true
I was never attention's sweet center
I still remember that girl

She's imperfect but she tries
She is good but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won't ask for help
She is messy but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up
And baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone but she used to be mine

I wonder if our brain has a certain kind of purgatory,

built too trap memories,

forcing you to analyze and reanalyze what things mean,

over and over again.

A lot of things have happened,

and an extremely accelerated version of life has been a reality for the last six years.

The most intense type of journey,

with new places.

There have only been a few constants that remained in the ever changing landscapes.

Common themes that have influenced various decision.

Bravery, patience, an unquenchable thirst for newness...

Most carry an strong significance,

most carry symbolism of transformation.

Certain things that fell into place,

others that help to build harder decisions.

People who have appeared and reappeared,

and people who have disappeared.

I think about the meanings of different relationships,

and the lessons learned from growing together,

and the importance of placing a naive trust in something so new.

I never understood why it began,

but really I never understood why it continued.

Memories stuck in the purgatory that is my own mind.

It is a dull feeling to have lost it.

It feels like a large piece of life is missing...

and some days pass without any reflection,

and then I wonder how you find your way into my sleep,

and appear in dreams like a ghost.

The power of imagination is an unbreakable force.

The things we create in our mind can easily slip into reality.

But be careful about these things,

because maybe it was never supposed to be that way.

Have you ever wanted something so badly,

and then all of a sudden...you have it?

You call upon the universe,

and project your subconscious so deeply,

that things start to bend to your will?

That's the unbreakable force I'm referring too.

And I wonder if such whimsical dreaming is impossible to decorate with a simple explanation.

So you just mull it over and over,

and wonder if it would have been different if you never appeared.

Wondering where you disappeared,

wondering if you made it out of that town where nothing ever happens.

I'm sorry it unfolded this way.

Thousands of scenarios,

and we have found the one that grows us in opposite directions.

Or maybe I wished it into reality.

Don't forget that strength that you had,

the endless encouragement and optimism,

from the very beginning.

I always thought I was following behind you,

but maybe you were waiting for me to figure it out first.

Some paths cross back and fourth,

making figure 8's all over life's landscape.

While other paths run parallel,

perfectly in unison,

side by side,

but never ever coming in contact with each other.

Hitting each moment at the same time,

but living separately,

each it's own experience,

each it's own journey.

It's unfair to ask you to remember it the way I remember it,

but every now and then I wish you could see it from my perspective,

and I from yours...

Anyways,

let me tell you all about how it's been for me.

The drive was epic,

completely different than I expected,

less cactus and open road,

more mountains and red sand.

My expectations about the west were altered,

but it was incredible to be places I had never been.

Upon arrival, I headed for the ocean.

It's a magnetic force and I constantly feel it drawing me in.

Sunset, sand, the red ball of fire dipping into the ocean.

Palm trees everywhere.

And then, at first, it was like living a dream.

Some parts are familiar,

and there is a feeling of safety and security that wasn't in the East,

but yet that sense that while its been similar,

it's never been like this before.

Adjusting to landscapes and letting it sink in,

with all the permanence that comes with journeying across the country on a one way trip.

And then the city...

the beautiful city.

Which shows hints of the grey Fall that I'm so accustomed too.

But yielding an unexpected beauty.

A whole other beast then the grittiness of NYC.

In NYC people lived in the sky,

here they live in castles on a hill.

And you drive through the ups and downs of the city streets,

and every now and then you are completely surprised by the spectacular view laid before you.

This is a good way to describe life now,

living in a city that is constantly surprising me.

And lots of empty space now.

Which shows me really how much was poured into getting here.

How huge the desire to be West,

to be ocean side,

encompassed everything all the time.

I don't think it will be like before.

Some obvious similarities,

but it's like the East was simply practice for the real thing.

Don't get me wrong,

I do not take any of that experience foregranted.

NYC will always be the city that made me,

but the West has taken full claim and ownership over me.

I hope I can integrate gracefully in a new culture.

Maybe my abrasive Chicago accent will soften up a bit.

And while I'm here...

and while I can...

and while I exist on this earth,

I will see as many sunsets as I can.

It's the one thing the West holds over the East.

Ocean sunsets.

The purest most honest reflection of beauty in nature that is possible.

And they are amazing.

Completely surpasses anything I could ever imagine,

which is how I know that this time it's real.

I'm where I'm supposed to be,

I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

Maybe I've found comfort in the knowledge that the compass has finally brought me home.

I can walk with more confidence,

begin to plant some roots.

Experience smaller adventures,

build new consistencies.

Will you let the past lie in the past?

Don't underestimate the fact it could be the same for you.

Take solace in knowing I have walked through a long dark tunnel,

and found my way to the other side.

Remember nothing is truly easy,

but enjoy the moments that make everything worth it.

Persevere when you are faced with the impossible.

I can promise you it will all pay off in the end.

Because life is too beautiful not to live it with all the strength you can muster.

The journey is the most important part of discovering the person you want to be.

And everything you do matters.