"Like a small boat On the ocean Sending big waves Into motion Like how a single word Can make a heart open..."

All of the lights land on you

The rest of the world fades from view
And all of the love I see
Please please say you feel it too
And all of the noise I hear inside
Restless and loud, unspoken and wild
And all that you need to say
To make it all go away
It's that you feel the same way too

And I know
The scariest part is letting go
'Cause love is a ghost you can't control
I promise you the truth can't hurt us now
So let the words slip out of your mouth

And all of the steps that led me to you

And all of the hell I had you walk through

But I wouldn't trade a day for the chance to say

My love, I'm in love with you

I know that we're both afraid
We both made the same mistakes

An open heart is an open wound to you

And in the wind there's a heavy choice

Love has a quiet voice
Still you mind, now I'm yours to choose

And I know

The scariest part is letting go

Let my love be the light that guides you home

And I know

The scariest part is letting go

'Cause love is a ghost you can't control

I promise you the truth can't hurt us now

So let the words slip out of your mouth

The journey is a constantly evolving adventure,

and it's never the same way as your progress along the windy path.

And I am not the same.

When it all began a long time ago,

what was uncertainty, fear, blind optimism, and a naiive courageousness

has fallen away.

Instead, what is now, looks a little more worn,

a quiet strength

and an older soul.

Of course days months and years has passed...

and with the passing of time is the passing of experience.

The new becomes a familiar,

the fear is replaced by comfort,

"displaced" sounds more like "home".

And life adjusts it's purpose,

an experienced traveler moving along through this amazing journey.

She said, "you always land on your feet."

But I'm not sure I've landed yet.

And for a brief moment I feel something that is less frequent nowadays.

The sounds of a bustling city, the noises of the concrete jungle...

a flash of homesickness.

Because before was the beginning,

starting out on the journey of self-discovery...

eager, and ambitious-holding tightly to absolutes.

I would ask my past self what it was like to live in a world that was made of black and white.

And tell her that my future self will be found in a world of brilliant grays.

But it's all as it should be,

and everything in sequences creates the perfect path to the present.

And confidence of the future that is paved ahead.

No, I am not the same as I was,

and it will not be the same as it was.

Treasure the brief flashes of the past,

the smell of a crowded city in the summer...

the most beautiful melting pot of humans,

the twinkling lights that replaced the stars,

The Atlantic.

On your way out of the middle,

make sure you appreciate every moment,

remember that it won't always be this way,

and each event is preparation to carry along with you on the journey.

Celebrate family and friends and strengthen relationships.

Practice finding beauty in the familiar,

then stop to appreciate it.

Because maybe we get only one shot at life,

mine as well enjoy all of it.

Know that struggles and challenges help create a better version of self.

Transformation is so important,

never settle,

feed curiosities,

allow yourself to dream without limits.

There is so much perfection everywhere.

I cannot fathom how much beauty there is...

when I look and reflect back on the sunsets and the landscapes of my past,

I can help but remain in awe.

Use these moments of inspiration to create something new,

and give back to others what you have received,

Because selflessness leads to self-actualization.

And its important to live in world where people bring goodness.

I know I say this often,

but as I grow older I realize it only becomes more relevant.

Take nothing for-granted,

because life really does change in an instant,

Appreciate the people in your life and tell them so,

appreciate your health and your well-being.

You never know when something may alter this.

And you must live without regret.

It seems like things are lining up and falling into place.

An opportunity for a magnificent trek approaches.

Another reminder...

do not be afraid of success.

Don't get over confident either,

but realize that maybe more pieces of the puzzle are coming together,

and you have a better grasp on the bigger picture now.

Continue to make goals and add to your bucket list,

allow yourself to take risks,

but don't be stupid.

Realize that there will be things that happen,

some in your control,

some out of your control,

unexpected or unpredictable...

Use them to create a smarter future,

and add to the wealth of knowledge you acquire by simply living.

And go easy on yourself.

Count your blessings and accomplishments.

Don;t live in the past,

but don't forget to acknowledge that the past has created the person you are now.

Its impossible to know how far you have come,

if you fail to know where you started.

You are not better than anyone,

we are all equals,

and similar at the core.

Respect the others around you...

be slow to pass judgement and quick to lend a helping hand.

You recognize the people in your past that have shown unexpected kindness,

pay it forward.

The ocean is calling and I'm teetering on the edge of change.

I foresee a changing landscape and many new roads to travel.

The great Pacific.

The West.

Many many more sunsets.

There's a quiet eagerness building,

and while I cannot wait to see what the future brings,

I will stop to appreciate the here and now,

and the present.

And I will send my gratitude to the girl who only saw black and whites,

and salute the bravery and hopefulness in my past,

when everything started.

And practice love,

and open-mindedness, and kindness. 

Because really it all matters.

And these are the things that are the most important.

Chapter 2: NYC- The Return: "...joy for the times that are discouraging. hope for a better clarity. perspective to remember what has past. bravery to learn lessons even through fear, and an undying passion for beauty in everything..."

"The trick is the same as before,

Maintain patience for a life to evolve as it's meant too.

Carry an enthusiasm for relationships, an open eye for new encounters,

Keep courage to try new things, 

faith that people are inherently good,

endurance for the parts that seam unbearable..."

To live will be an awfully big adventure. J.M. Barrie

Keep an open mind and an adventurous heart and let life teach you great lessons. To city the that brought me to my knees: you've created a better version of self, inspired hope, and encouraged an endless wanderer.

Oh, I beg you, can I follow?

Oh, I ask you, Why not always?

Be the ocean, where I unravel

Be my only, be the water where I'm wading

You're my river running high, run deep, run wild

I, I follow, I follow you

Deep sea baby, I follow you

I, I follow, I follow you

Dark doom honey, I follow you

He's a message, I'm the runner

He's the rebel, I'm the daughter waiting for you

You're my river running high, run deep, run wild

"In my mind things were so different... It just goes to show life has its own agenda and if you let it...it will make you strong. Beautiful things grow in the face of disappointment. An open heart is just as important as an open mind.I live with no regret. Just patience and understanding for myself as I learn hard lessons and grow to be a better version of myself."

Chapter 2: NYC-The Return

That moment when you're driving down the FDR towards Brooklyn,

on the Willliamsburg Bridge with Manhattan twinkling behind you,

and that feeling that you're finally entering the place that you call home,

and probably always will...

And just for a quick second your body feels tingly and floating,

because everything is the most overwhelming in the best way.

So you can't help but tearing up a little because you know you're in the middle of something so incredible,

and the feeling is pure gratitude

and humility for the great city.

Or that moment you're walking up a crowded 5th Avenue sidewalk,

and people...surrounded, commotion, noises, smells...

but all you can hear is the song that's playing-

archiving the moment...capturing it in ways that words and pictures cannot.

Emphasizing the beauty and enhancing the feelings.

And even though its a sea of strangers,

you've never felt so welcomed, or so at home,

ever in your life.

And that moment when you are standing in the clouds,

looking forward and backwards at the most beautiful city in the world.

And from this perspective, it doesn't look that big.

Just people and places stacked on top of each other.

Isolation and community compacted into a tiny island.

And there are just headlights and taillights illuminating crowded corridors.

And you don't know if you've ever known anything as perfect.

And whether above or below, or next too...

you know you're in it.

And it didn't forget  you,

but rather was waiting there for you as it's always been before.

And even though everything has changed,

really nothing has changed.

And you know you can be the true version of self,

because this place is your happiness,

a finish line at the end of a journey.

And it's accepting of who you were, who you are, and who you will become. 

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Its always so hard to put words down on a page,

to try to explain a feeling and a moment, when so much is always happening.

Part of the struggle is just to process the action-reaction of life,

long chains of cause and effect,

stretching beyond any imagination.

Things always seem so clear and they never mean what I think they do.

Newness is birthed from devastation and disappointment.

Opportunity is created from desperation and despair.

Really that's the thing about transformation though.

We are constantly evolving into better or worse versions of self,

tattooed by the choices we make,

marked by the relationships that we create or break.

The one thing I've always loved about change is the predictable unpredictability.

You never truly have full control on the realities of life,

just on the person you're choosing to be.

And sometimes life creates its own plan,

and karma comes back around,

and you find yourself in a place you never thought you could get too.

But its so natural, and conversation flows easily,

and when trying to digest it all afterwards,

you realize that your life is permanently changed.

I thought there was a different purpose to you,

even though deep down I knew we were't on the same page,

it was all so natural and organic,

I didn't realize that the result would be this way.

And I can never discount the time we spent together,

being the way we were,

and I'm grateful.

But in the end, you must release yourself from the things that keep you from what you want.

More importantly, from people who keep you from trying to figure it out.

Life is an adventure and its overcoming the obstacles that are in the way,

whatever those may look like.

The smile on your face reminds me that there is an innocence,

a beauty,

a perfection in imperfection.

What's the point of it all without taking risks?

Be that better version of self,

even if its only a little at a time.

Self-preservation and self-transformation are the driving forces behind purpose.

Live with undying passion, blind innocent beautiful passion...

because you have to challenge yourself to love harder and love bigger then before,

remember it's just about overcoming the obstacles,

so you can be surprised by what lies on the other side.

I do not have regrets.

I do not think it was a waste of time.

I do not long for the past.

I do not discount disappointments.

I do not let loneliness overpower curiosity.

I do not need to learn lessons twice.

I do not wish I was more understood, but rather the right amount of misunderstood.,

I do not forget to dance quietly,

smile loudly,

hope passionately.

I do not forget about the importance of appreciating beauty.

I do not settle for this version of self,

because i know another better one is waiting behind the next obstacle.

I do not let you have more of me then I give to myself,

because I do not forget to love myself,

I do not forget to be brave when I'm scared that life has stopped moving fluidly.

I do not forget patience for change.

I do not forget that it all matters.

  

“I don't remember what they said, only the fury of their words, how the air turned raw and full of welts. Later it would remind me of birds trapped inside a closed room, flinging themselves against the windows and the walls, against each other.”

If you wake in a different place, at a different time, could you wake up as a different person?"

“First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, and then you win.” 

"We chase misprinted lies We face the path of time And yet I fight And yet I fight This battle all alone No one to cry to No place to call home"

Let this be your voice, 

let me be your voice,

let every underdog who has ever had to fight for a cause alone...

let them be your voice.

And know that it's worth fighting for,

if only because it's something you believe in,

and you refuse to compromise integrity,'

and you refuse to compromise a lesser version of yourself.

I WISH THIS SONG HAD LYRICS, BUT YOU COULDN'T EVEN HANDLE IT...

I've fought battles before.

I've been fighting them all my life really...

Hard ones,

and people may say I'm not winning them.

I lay down and wave the flag of surrender. 

But I know which ones to fight. 

I know which battles count.

This is the trick, figure out the battles you want to win...

then win them.

Fight hard, outlast, believe in your cause, be strong.

I know what battles to fight,

and I believe this is when a true activist emerges.

Recognize the causes that are important,

stands true to their beliefs about what matters.

Fucking dominate the opposition.

Don't look back, don't apologize, 

but know...

the truth in what you are fighting for.

Sometimes, the unfortunate ones are forced into these battles alone.

And it's long and hard,

and the fight takes 100% of everything that is you.

And you become broken down into millions of peices,

but thats the most important time stay strong.

Don't lose heart,

because you will emerge rebuilt, as a better version of self.

And if those battles you have to fight,

because everyone at some point will be faced with opposition,

if those battles are against hard things...

the majority, your own self, people close to you, strong ideals...

if you find something worth fighting for...

and you also find you're standing alone against all the odds,

be brave. 

Once the battle is over...

don't let anyone steal your victory,

don't let anyone own your battle wounds.

Do not let anyone tell you anything that will minimilize the experience.

Because if you are so unfortunate to fight alone,

then every bit of that victory is yours.

It's your experience,

it's your heart and soul that was poured into the fight.

And stay strong,

wear your scars as a trophy...

that you fought to be a better version of yourself.

And it's okay...

when they don't understand...

when they challenge you...

when they tell you you've changed...

it doesn't matter,

because when it comes down to it,

you have changed.

There is no explanation needed,

it's a transformation.

You were left to deal with it on your own.

So you did.

And you're perfect the way you are.

I think you're perfect.

And I'm truely sorry for not showing this before.

But these are my scars, and I wear them proudly.

This is just the center, the core, of all the layers which makes up me.

And I'm proud of them.

So don't try to own it.

And if you try to take that away from me,

believe I will not hesitate to fight in my own battle again.

"Heart beats fast Colors and promises How to be brave How can I love when I'm afraid to fall But watching you stand alone All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow."

Find one thing you really really want, set a goal to get it...so big you think it's unobtainable. Then do it. Go one step past what you thought was impossible to achieve. Make your dreams your reality...and then ride the high of knowing you conquered something so big, own it. Then set your next goal and strive to achieve success as you did before. 

This Time Last Year

Never an experience that so thoroughly fucked me up, and simultaneously fixed me.

Everything I love about who I am and everything I hate,

I learned it all here.

No regrets...

There is beauty in every adventure.

NEVER forget the STRENGTH.

NEVER stop living for the adventure.

NEVER become complacent.

NEVER stop pushing to your full potential.

NEVER underestimate yourself.

NEVER stop being grateful for every opportunity.

LIVE as urgently and passionately as you possibly can.

LIVE for the thrills and the encounters.

LIVE for the search to be the best version of you that is possible.

LIVE for the beauty of whatever your surroundings are.

Things happen in the blink of an eye.

Situations change, people grow apart.

Try not to fight time, each day will pass beyond your control.

I cannot express to you the importance of passion and hopefulness.

Be brave at every opportunity,

it will open doors you didn't even realize were there.

It will change you.

You will evolve, don't fight it, become your own adversary.

Love.

Never forget that love is the essence of life, and living.

Life is such a beautiful thing.

Always remember that.

Remember that everything matters,

live with a purpose,

even if you aren't certain what yours is...

and don't forget to love.