"Life does not get easier or harder, rather each one of us grows weary or energetic at times. We struggle to adapt and fight to keep control. Position yourself to move forward and appreciate the moments along the way."

“There is an ecstasy that marks the summit of life, and beyond which life cannot rise. And such is the paradox of living, this ecstasy comes when one is most alive, and it comes as a complete forgetfulness that one is alive.  Jack. London.

“I leave, and the leaving is so exhilarating I know I can never go back. But then what? Do I just keep leaving places, and leaving them, and leaving them, tramping a perpetual journey?” J.G.

“The town was paper, but the memories were not. All the things I’d done here, all the love and pity and compassion and violence and spite, kept welling up inside me.” J.G.

He said let's get out of this town
Drive out of the city
Away from the crowds
I thought heaven can't help me now
Nothing lasts forever
But this is gonna take me down
He's so tall, and handsome as hell
He's so bad but he does it so well

T.S.

A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely unhappen. ~Edward de Bono

Memories are strange sometimes.

Its interesting how we fight to keep some moments alive,

and desperately try to make others forgotten.

A breadcrumb trail left to show how we have passed the time,

and how we have grown and evolved.

Its so easy to hoard memories that make us feel safe,

and wrap themselves tightly into our soul.

Those memories that become a core part of our identity,

and we learn to navigate with them as compasses into the future.

I caution against recreating them and re-writing a past of falsehood.

The hardest struggle is to know when to let them fade into the background,

and to force yourself to live in the present.

Like throwing messages in a bottle out to sea and hoping that they return one day...

I used to think that history was so important.

Keep knowledge of past events,

past mistakes...

don't let history recreate itself.

Remember where you came and how far you brought yourself.

It's hard to let go of such valuable treasures of yesterday.

But they can keep your prisoners of time,

and disable any forward progress.
Its vital we are honest with ourselves,

and we use moments in the past to propel ourselves forward,

and not to keep us trapped in the dark.

Its funny the way your head and your heart are at odds.

Logically you follow a pattern,

a plan,

a list of pros and cons...

But sometimes it's the heart that is louder.

Head vs heart.

How do you unify the two to gain the momentum that is is necessary for change?

I've lived for the last five years without regret.

With a wise openness to experience and adventure.

I've made the breadcrumb trail of memories,

scattered about in a sensible way,

decorating the wake of my own living.

Waiting for the pieces of the puzzle to create a bigger picture.

Now it all becomes clear and I can see what the events of before have created.

What a masterpiece of life's perfection.

All the anguish associated with dramatic change and set forth a chain of events,

and it has brought me exactly where I've been trying to get to.

But sometimes the memories come back in loud waves,

filling the perfection.

And I find that it puts me at odds with myself.

But a true journey of self-discovery is not without sacrifice.

I wear the battle scars as proud reminders to be where I am,

and appreciate it all...the past the present and what lies in the future.

Never forgetting to live as a person who is patient, self-evolving, 

and appreciative of the beautiful world I'm surrounded by.

Maybe memories are a reminder to never leave things unsaid.

Express yourself because no one can read your mind,

and in order to journey through self-discovery you have to force yourself to be heard at times,

and let others come to their own conclusions.

It's important to try to be understood,

so you don't create a life of isolation.

Value your own thoughts and know that they are valid,

even if they are not shared.

I should tell you how my head and heart have finally agreed,

but the circumstance has changed and its become irrelevant.

But i'm glad to have this burst of inspiration.

I wish in a way that time and distance didn't make the possible impossible.

I'm so grateful for the small bit of time we shared,

and that you saw me in a way that no one else has.

I'm forever grateful for that, and the opportunity to be swept off my feet.

For fireworks, and July, and long walks and discussions about life and possibility.

Because hopefulness and optimism are the best weapons to carry with you.

And you gave that too me,

along with a hearty dose of inspiration and affirmation of the choices that have been made.

I bet you had no idea about any of it,

but life is serendipitous like that.

And love is a powerful force and ever changing.

So in order to respectfully preserve a past filled with challenge and triumph,

I will not re-create memories into a falsehood.

I will not let them shift into a security blanket,

and I will not let them keep me a prisoner of my past.

I will remember the way it was when it all started,

and I will remember how it marks the start of the life changing adventure,

but I will keep my future void of the past,

because forward motion is the only option.

Such a little amount of time to accomplish so many things,

a lifetime is really an instant in the grand scheme of it all.

And what I once wanted matters a great deal,

but the time has passed and I don't believe it will be reconciled again.

Because it all matters,

you have to realize that what you do an how you conduct yourself cannot be changed.

Sometimes opportunities arise only once,

and since you let it pass by,

it's become another breadcrumb in my wake.

Actions speak louder than words,

and they always have.

Words, though powerful, are just affirmations of who we are and how we are,

without the actions to support them they are empty and meaningless.

I have learned to trust the most in realness of actions.

And I have learned to lean less on the emptiness of words.

So let's charge forward,

and begin to enjoy the rewards of knowing the whole picture,

and understanding what has brought you to this point,

and living life in a way you so desperately wanted to master.

And navigating it as confident and hopeful as ever.

I know little abut the greatness of life and the universe,

but I know so well the importance of the here and now.

And the purposefulness of self-actualization,

and the gratitude for perseverance through the rough patches.

I cannot wish for a change in the past,

because it would just create ripples in the future .

Instead, I will remember where I started and where I came from,

but I'll release myself from the past so I can move easily in the future,

and more importantly have a better appreciation for the present.

Because even with a clear picture,

love is still important,

and there is still so much beauty to appreciate,

and though it might not seem like it all the time,

it really does matter.

"Call me Ishmael. Some years ago — never mind how long precisely — having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world."

The changes in our life must come from the impossibility to live otherwise than according to the demands of our conscience not from our mental resolution to try a new form of life. - Leo Tolstoy

“He was unheeded, happy, and near to the wild heart of life. He was alone and young and wilful and wildhearted, alone amid a waste of wildair and brackish waters and the seaharvest of shells and tangle and veiled grey sunlight.” 

― Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

In the morning it comes, heaven sent a hurricane
Not a trace of the sun but I don't even run from rain
Beating out of my chest, my heart is holding on to you
From the moment I knew
From the moment I knew

You are the air in my breath filling up my love soaked lungs
Such a beautiful mess intertwined and overrun
Nothing better than this, oh, and then the storm can come
You feel just like the sun
Just like the sun

"So I punched a hole in the roof. Let the flood carry away all my pictures of you. The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing.” -Taylor Swift

“Cities were always like people, showing their varying personalities to the traveler. Depending on the city and on the traveler, there might begin a mutual love, or dislike, friendship, or enmity. Where one city will rise a certain individual to glory, it will destroy another who is not suited to its personality. Only through travel can we know where we belong or not, where we are loved and where we are rejected.” 
― Roman Payne, Cities & Countries

It's interesting to see how it all looks,

as more and more pieces begin to fall into place.

The moment feels like reaching the top of a roller-coaster,

teetering on the edge just before your stomach leaps into your chest.

Its a pure rush of adrenaline and is over so quickly.

Change sets about undeniable forward motion.

I'm excited for what lies right ahead of me,

within my grasp finally.

The west is the best and my home is the road.

Adventures pave the roads untraveled.

Self-discovery and growth inevitable outcomes to the future.

I can't wait to have the ocean a permanent part of my landscape.

A dream I have hoped for and called upon finally becoming a reality.

But everything has a specific time and place,

and it's all happening as it should.

Using the tools of patience, bravery, hopefulness, and perpetual self-transformation,

I'm creating the life I want the most.

Living fiercely with no regrets,

soaking up all the gifts the universe provides,

endless grateful to the people who have given me opportunities.

I never thought it would be this easy,

and life would have such a fluid motion,

but maybe it's the calm before the storm,

or perhaps it's the calm after it.

The waters have been choppy and change was a natural part of every day...

with consistency came satisfaction and an appreciation for all the little things.

Quiet moments of reflection on the past and present.

Never taking a single thing foregranted in the process.

Because it's all about learning as you go about it.

Having the understanding that nothing happens exactly the way you want,

being ready to change direction in an instant.

Knowing that unexpected surprises can bring good and bad,

but either way it's a chance for character building.

Separately, but of equal importance,

it's a good practice to never leave things unsaid.

The easiest way of self-expression is by speaking up,

and people will never be able to read your thoughts,

and human connectedness is essential to life.

Celebrate relationships that challenge you,

because those are the ones that grow you,

and those people are people that will stand behind you at your weakness,

because they care enough to help you see what's often right in front of our face.

Value those that are here and now,

and know they will reappear in your future if it's meant to be that way.

Love.

I may never really understand love in all it's forms,

but I understand it as it pertains to me.

Love has always been synonymous to sacrifice.

Which others might find a bit odd,

but know that I don't mean it the way it sounds.

When love truly manifests itself,

it will be worth the sacrifice of self.

The path will be widened to walk alongside another.

A pureness not peppered with resentment,

eager compromises.

It will all make sense the way it should.

I don't worry about not finding or having love,

because it's not something that is created from hard work,

or a treasure you find,

or a formula you follow.

Rather love exists all on it's own.

Its something to recognize, appreciate, admire,

but it stands on its own.

I cannot see the future as it lies ahead,

but I do not fear it.

I hope in some way, there is a slight possibility of you.

For now we walk in separate directions,

and you remain a quiet voice of inspiration.

Infrequent but powerful,

reminding me about the importance of love.

A distant afterthought locked away deep in my subconscious.

My heart is my own,

and I have been a keeper of it for such a short time,

I'm still learning how to transform into the most honest version of who I'm meant to be.

But maybe,

once this skill is fined tuned,

and I'm confident that I've traveled through the path I'm meant to journey,

we will meet again,

in a familiar place in a familiar time.

Fireworks and full moons overhead,

and I will allow another to guard the most important thing I have.

There's no one I have met more worthy of this task then you.

But I'm playing by the rules,

and being the most fair I can be.

The timing is just not quite right for the right now.

And I've learned to have patience and hopefulness that the pieces will fall into place as they are meant too.

They always have before.

I don't doubt they will continue to do so,

if I walk the truest journey,

and I continue to practice being a better version of myself.

But I don't think I"ll soon forget about how the winters became the summers,

quiet snowfall replaced with the twinkle of lightening bugs in the night sky.

I lived in the moment with you,

and enjoyed every second,

making the present dominate all thoughts of past and future.

Just as you told me I should.

So realize this,

perfect moments are not so rare,

keep yourself open to all possibilities.

Appreciate yourself in its entirety: mind, body, spirit.

Exercise your heart and build connections with others.

Keep pursuing your dreams,

because when you feel the most lost it might just mean everything is starting to fit together.

This may sound a bit corny,

but you really do create your reality.

Choose to live a life that brings you joy,

does not harm others,

and reach higher for an understanding that leads to self-actualization.

It's such a crazy wild beautiful journey,

and you may only have each opportunity once.

Don't waste a minute of it,

because life and time happens no matter what.

It all matters.

And finally.

Don't forget to love.

"Like a small boat On the ocean Sending big waves Into motion Like how a single word Can make a heart open..."

All of the lights land on you

The rest of the world fades from view
And all of the love I see
Please please say you feel it too
And all of the noise I hear inside
Restless and loud, unspoken and wild
And all that you need to say
To make it all go away
It's that you feel the same way too

And I know
The scariest part is letting go
'Cause love is a ghost you can't control
I promise you the truth can't hurt us now
So let the words slip out of your mouth

And all of the steps that led me to you

And all of the hell I had you walk through

But I wouldn't trade a day for the chance to say

My love, I'm in love with you

I know that we're both afraid
We both made the same mistakes

An open heart is an open wound to you

And in the wind there's a heavy choice

Love has a quiet voice
Still you mind, now I'm yours to choose

And I know

The scariest part is letting go

Let my love be the light that guides you home

And I know

The scariest part is letting go

'Cause love is a ghost you can't control

I promise you the truth can't hurt us now

So let the words slip out of your mouth

The journey is a constantly evolving adventure,

and it's never the same way as your progress along the windy path.

And I am not the same.

When it all began a long time ago,

what was uncertainty, fear, blind optimism, and a naiive courageousness

has fallen away.

Instead, what is now, looks a little more worn,

a quiet strength

and an older soul.

Of course days months and years has passed...

and with the passing of time is the passing of experience.

The new becomes a familiar,

the fear is replaced by comfort,

"displaced" sounds more like "home".

And life adjusts it's purpose,

an experienced traveler moving along through this amazing journey.

She said, "you always land on your feet."

But I'm not sure I've landed yet.

And for a brief moment I feel something that is less frequent nowadays.

The sounds of a bustling city, the noises of the concrete jungle...

a flash of homesickness.

Because before was the beginning,

starting out on the journey of self-discovery...

eager, and ambitious-holding tightly to absolutes.

I would ask my past self what it was like to live in a world that was made of black and white.

And tell her that my future self will be found in a world of brilliant grays.

But it's all as it should be,

and everything in sequences creates the perfect path to the present.

And confidence of the future that is paved ahead.

No, I am not the same as I was,

and it will not be the same as it was.

Treasure the brief flashes of the past,

the smell of a crowded city in the summer...

the most beautiful melting pot of humans,

the twinkling lights that replaced the stars,

The Atlantic.

On your way out of the middle,

make sure you appreciate every moment,

remember that it won't always be this way,

and each event is preparation to carry along with you on the journey.

Celebrate family and friends and strengthen relationships.

Practice finding beauty in the familiar,

then stop to appreciate it.

Because maybe we get only one shot at life,

mine as well enjoy all of it.

Know that struggles and challenges help create a better version of self.

Transformation is so important,

never settle,

feed curiosities,

allow yourself to dream without limits.

There is so much perfection everywhere.

I cannot fathom how much beauty there is...

when I look and reflect back on the sunsets and the landscapes of my past,

I can help but remain in awe.

Use these moments of inspiration to create something new,

and give back to others what you have received,

Because selflessness leads to self-actualization.

And its important to live in world where people bring goodness.

I know I say this often,

but as I grow older I realize it only becomes more relevant.

Take nothing for-granted,

because life really does change in an instant,

Appreciate the people in your life and tell them so,

appreciate your health and your well-being.

You never know when something may alter this.

And you must live without regret.

It seems like things are lining up and falling into place.

An opportunity for a magnificent trek approaches.

Another reminder...

do not be afraid of success.

Don't get over confident either,

but realize that maybe more pieces of the puzzle are coming together,

and you have a better grasp on the bigger picture now.

Continue to make goals and add to your bucket list,

allow yourself to take risks,

but don't be stupid.

Realize that there will be things that happen,

some in your control,

some out of your control,

unexpected or unpredictable...

Use them to create a smarter future,

and add to the wealth of knowledge you acquire by simply living.

And go easy on yourself.

Count your blessings and accomplishments.

Don;t live in the past,

but don't forget to acknowledge that the past has created the person you are now.

Its impossible to know how far you have come,

if you fail to know where you started.

You are not better than anyone,

we are all equals,

and similar at the core.

Respect the others around you...

be slow to pass judgement and quick to lend a helping hand.

You recognize the people in your past that have shown unexpected kindness,

pay it forward.

The ocean is calling and I'm teetering on the edge of change.

I foresee a changing landscape and many new roads to travel.

The great Pacific.

The West.

Many many more sunsets.

There's a quiet eagerness building,

and while I cannot wait to see what the future brings,

I will stop to appreciate the here and now,

and the present.

And I will send my gratitude to the girl who only saw black and whites,

and salute the bravery and hopefulness in my past,

when everything started.

And practice love,

and open-mindedness, and kindness. 

Because really it all matters.

And these are the things that are the most important.