"We go toward the softest places to land, and sometimes they are few and far between. I was lucky to find some sort of path that stretched out in front of me, like yellow lines on a freeway, and even luckier to have the feeling that it was going to take me somewhere special..." -Sara Bareilles

****All quotes and Lyrics are Sara Bareilles, because her music and words have changed my life****

"...time does what it always does: softened hard edges." 

“You are overwhelmed and haven’t learned to be your own friend through this yet. You will. Your fear of jumping without a net is so valid, and the trick that you haven’t learned yet is that that’s life, always and everywhere. There are no nets. Life is a big, long free fall, and the sooner you can embrace what is beautiful about that, the sooner you will start to enjoy the ride.” 

"Soon, you will start really writing your own music, and you will see such depth in yourself that you didn't know what there. It will fill you up. You will tell the story of feeling invisible to love, and it will comfort other people who feel the same way, and it will make you feel connected to something bigger than yourself."

"There is something really magical about loving someone, especially in the beginning, when they hijack your whole being and rewrite the synapses of your brain until they are conducting all traffic. It's like everything is seen through the prism of that person, and it somehow makes everything sing."

"Looking back on those early days now, I realize I had no perspective on where my music was headed, but as time passed, the picture revealed itself slowly, slowly, slowly."

Let me unveil to you the honest truth of dream chasing.

And I say this not to throw shade on the the past celebratory musings as of late,

but to give you a painfully honest perspective of someone who lives this way.

And it's been weighing heavily on my mind,

so I must express these thoughts.

There is such an amazing beauty in not settling.

This looks different for different people,

Some people are cursed with the knowing from the very beginning.

They struggle through the challenge of how to "get there."

Climbing high to a dream that sits at an impossible altitude.

Through sheer determination and hard work and a splash of luck they find themselves at the top.

Others are cursed with not knowing,

but the fire and passion to engage in the search.

Instead of knowing what direction to head,

they only know what direction NOT to go...

and this leaves them running down all kinds of paths searching for the place that feels right,

the place that feels like home.

I used to be completely convinced 100% that this was a choice.

People can choose to settle,

people can choose to explore and adventure...

Now I have the tendency to believe this is not a choice.

This is something that is built deep into the workings of who we are as people.

The very basic design of our human makeup,

the things that make us who we are.

I wish this was a choice,

and I could say that I choose this way.

But really it becomes about survival.

Keeping the soul alive,

feeding the spiritual need to engage in the journey,

because everything that is the essence of everything dies a suffocating death.

And something deeply personal,

I have been sad lately.

And when I dug into the core of my feelings,

I realized the sadness was not sprung from missing the familiar,

missing the people and places that built a home,

but rather the sadness has a different source.

It comes from the realization that I do not have those achingly homesick feelings,

and the sadness comes from knowing I am not missing.

Which is only further evidence that it was always meant to be this way.

And there was always a separation,

invisible walls built up to keep me out,

and divide.

And the confirmation that this feels so right,

is also the confirmation that it had to be this way.

Don't discount my gratitude for my situation.

I have run down every path laid before me and finally reached a place called home.

And this is a great accomplishment.

But perhaps a tiny part lived inside that thought maybe things were never meant to be this way.

That maybe I would loop back around and see myself as someone who needed a journey,

but would safely end up back among friends.

Instead,

here I am...

living in a foreign paradise,

without a single tinge of remorse, regret, or sorrow.

Only sorrow for what is not felt.

I think it's also important to remember that life is going have continual ups and downs.

And even though it feels like a conclusion,

life is not done,

and the story is not over.

Even when you can look behind you and see clear progress and a sensible progression,

really life can never truly be predictable.

If you continue to live with an openness that allows your story to unfold as it should,

you'll see that crazy things lie ahead.

Some predictable,

others that will knock you off your feet.

And when you feel tired,

which you will feel...

that exhaustion from trying and trying to be a better version,

and to align yourself correctly,

and to keep pushing yourself forward,

father from your comfort zone,

creating new comfort zones...

when you feel tired remember-

that nothing in life comes easy.

And it shouldn't.

Because there are lessons in the challenges.

Opportunities for growth.

Life is pointless without self-improvement.

The minute you stop trying,

you stop feeding the need to develop into a better human being,

and to leave behind a respectable footprint on this early,

and a legacy,

is the moment that life becomes stagnant.

Where complacency becomes reality,

and you settle. 

And I promise you this...

I will never, NEVER settle.

I would rather be done with this round of living before I settled.

It's a fight I won't surrender.

So remember that momentum is important,

but keep searching for the meanings of things.

Don't accept the first answer that falls into your laps,

but search out purpose.

Look back at the great struggles of the people you respect and admire most.

They had a fire that never burned out,

they continued to work and evolve,

even when they were exhausted,

even when it seemed like the odds were stacked against them,

even when nothing about moving forward made sense.

They rose to victory from a pile of disappointments.

This is what it takes to be great.

This is what it takes to grow.

This is what is takes to achieve.

And this is the definition of chasing your dreams.

I wish I could promise to you that you will find yourself at the end someday.

Where everything makes perfect sense,

and everything feels just the way it should be.

But know it probably won't be that way.

You will have to keep chasing,

keep progressing,

and you might find yourself on the other side of the wall a lot.

And as you grow in understanding  you might be sad,

and that's okay,

because I promise you the alternative would bring a deeper sadness then you could handle.

And you probably won't be "great" but follow the examples that are set for you.

It's necessary to celebrate victory,

but don't stop trying.

Because it's the trying that makes you who you are,

and it's your truest self.

Even though life and living has never been this good before,

take this opportunity to level up and dream bigger then you ever have.

Set goals with a little more confidence that you will achieve them.

You're life is meant to be lived like this,

and even though you fight to be understood,

you have to accept that it may just be this way for you,

and its okay if people can't understand that.

It's those that reach a little further outside the box that achieve unexpected results.

It all matters,

and please don't forget to love. 

I've been down, I've been out 
I did it all on my own 
Seems growing up 
Didn't take long 
I feel strange, I feel good 
I feel better with you 
You've changed, you should 
Cause I think I did too 

Made my mistakes 
I did a few things right 
But it will take what it will take 
Baby, that's life 
You cannot change what you do not own 
Everybody knows 
But if you live deep and love strong 
You get pretty damn close 

It moves fast and it scares me 
I close my eyes, oh but I still see 

I'm fading in and out 
What are you supposed to do save me know 
From all of this danger you don't know how 
And I'll find my way out 
When I'm in the red