"I don't wanna be left behind, Distance was a friend of mine. Catching breath in a web of lies...I've spent most of my life-Riding waves, playing acrobat Shadowboxing the other half Learning how to react.

"I've never forgotten him. Dare I say I miss him? I do. I miss him. I still see him in my dreams. They are nightmares mostly, but nightmares tinged with love. Such is the strangeness of the human heart."

"For my part, I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move."

To remember the grace and power of finding beauty in an unknown, a sideways glance on a quiet side street, strolling alone. The appreciation of the moments that stood out, making the ones that didn't matter anyways. I love you I love you I love you. Please let me never forget. How did it become that the scary unknown because the security blanket I long for in its absence. Sing me to sleep, the sounds of my lost city. The adventure that found me, the way I met it head on... young, energetic, honest, and unafraid.

"Not under the layers of suppressed individualism do i find scared uncertainty, but rather a bold idealistic young spirit that knows exactly what to do. Deepest satisfaction in the survival and preservation of an essence. It's beauty in a raw form and honesty." 

3.5.11

"Happy. Just in my swim shorts, barefooted, wild-haired, in the red fire dark, singing, swigging wine, spitting, jumping, running—that's the way to live. All alone and free in the soft sands of the beach by the sigh of the sea out there, with the Ma-Wink fallopian virgin warm stars reflecting on the outer channel fluid belly waters."

Looking backwards on it,

even the moments I understood the most don't make perfect sense.

But to know the freedom of breathing in an adventure,

stimulating every sense and infiltrating every pore of my soul.

I'm not talking about the experience anymore,

that is done and over with.

I'm not talking about transformation either.

I'm talking about the instances in time.

Tiny moments that are locked into a forever and ever.

I'm talking about how it first came about,

before it grew into a congruent event in my history.

I'm talking about the  fearlessness, the bravery, the hopefulness.

What was is what was because  of ignorance and naivety,

because sometimes it's  only in pure blind faith where great things happen.

Remembering each path that was taken,

so many beginnings, so many possibilities with one simple ending.

You think that you have this great control over life,

and even when you surrender to the moment and circumstance,

you still think you have a grasp on it all.

In reality, a distant observer might notice,

and you might come to see that it was never really yours.

It is a wild un-tameable force that consumes you,

destroys you completely and rebuilds into something that you could never have guessed.

So often you think you're scheming to create this perfect ideal,

you make moves one way or another,

picking actions with predictable reactions,

but really none of that  matters.

Which...this may confuse you but understand what I mean when I say

this is why it all matters.

At least this is what I think about it.

Like Jack understood...

I want to be with the mad ones in a mad world,

burning burning burning .

Because i will never understand it any other way.

Made for a  different understanding on a different level of it all.

I'm mad, just like the rest of the mad ones,

dying to live, living to die, and trying to let it all not matter,

in a time where it all does.

But I will not forget  the instances that created the experiences.

The moments that when lined up illuminated a transformation uncontrolled,unpredictable.

But I want the honesty that its center in raw emotion.

I don't want to be swept away into the lostness of tradition society.

I'm breaking free and running away with the mad ones,

because this is the way to live.

burning. burning. burning.

And lastly, love.

I understand love like I understand the stars in the night sky.

I understand that love is like a unknown space, stretching endlessly above us.

Everyone believes in it's existence,

yet no one can fully explain it all.

Because it's boundless, stretching into an infinite unknown,

stars, planets, galaxies, the entire universe really.

Yet though I do not  fully understand it,

I never doubt that it's there at all times.

And Love.

Do not be fooled into thinking that love is a  remedy for loneliness.

Because one can certainly be lonely even within love.

And loneliness will gather in all the darkened corners...  

So first guard yourself,

you will be your own companion and therefore,

never alone.

Then love.

Because I don't understand love,

and I don't think I ever will,

but I will never doubt it's existence,

understate it's importance,

and fail to acknowledge the greatness that stretches into the infinite unknown.