"And now, in this time and place, I realize simply that long ago is just a phrase... it sits on a dusty self, just out of reach and taunting me as I go about things. Second chances are past and all that's left is the nitty gritty present of my existence. And I add tiny sticks to keep the fire of hope alive. Because great adventures live on through anything." 8.19.2013

"Creativity itself doesn't care at all about results - the only thing it craves is the process. Learn to love the process and let whatever happens next happen, without fussing too much about it. Work like a monk, or a mule, or some other representative metaphor for diligence. Love the work. Destiny will do what it wants with you, regardless." 

-Elizabeth Gilbert

The sun is filling up the room
And I can hear you dreaming
Do you feel the way I do right now?
I wish we would just give up
Cause the best part is falling
Call it anything but love

And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say, "I love you," when you're not listening

Christina. Perri.

“I've apparently been the victim of growing up, which apparently happens to all of us at one point or another. It's been going on for quite some time now, without me knowing it. I've found that growing up can mean a lot of things. For me, it doesn't mean I should become somebody completely new and stop loving the things I used to love. It means I've just added more things to my list."

-Taylor Swift

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow.

I came along,
I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do,
And it was called "Yellow".

So then I took my turn,
Oh what a thing to have done,
And it was all yellow.

So therefore I dedicate myself, to my art, my sleep, my dreams, my labors, my suffrances, my loneliness, my unique madness, my endless absorption and hunger because I cannot dedicate myself to any fellow being.

Jack.Kerouac

It's hardest to understand truths when everything seems to be perfect.

When the past fits neatly into a box,

packaged up and packed away nicely.

And the present feels like a peaceful reality,

and the future stretches ahead patiently before you.

You forget the path that you wandered down that brought you to an inevitable outcome,

because its all exactly how you imagined it to be.

In a way none of it surprises me,

and all the same I'm completely taken off guard.

And i'm doused in love and hopefulness.

It feels as though this was everything before and everything ahead of me always,

and blessing seem too numerous to count.

Constantly gracious and grateful for every day and every moment,

opportunity dancing before me,

and everything is just within my grasp.

What a change from the flailing impatience of the past.

The disorienting unknowns that made up each day...

but here I am nonetheless,

and it is hardest to remember the truths.

This all started years ago,

and I worried about bravery,

and I worried about patience,

and I worried I would never understand love.

Transform anonymously,

tiny adjustments to perspective,

and a hearty helping of triumphs and challenges.

But here I am.

With no resistance in a perfect idea of how life should be.

And the only thing stretching before me is the West,

and the ocean,

and complete freedom.

Unspeakably fortunate for this part,

the here and now.

So thankful for the choices in the past that brought me exactly to where I am.

I never thought it would really be like this,

and it's fully liberating to be in this much control,

and yet maintaining a lifestyle of whimsical dream chasing.

I'm hopeful because it's easy,

I'm grateful because the blessings are numerous,

I'm brave because I'm surrounded by an army,

I appreciate beauty.

I practice love.

When I look back at it,

I don't wonder...

I know for absolute certain this was the point of it all.

To find this harmonious balance,

to grasp this wanderlust and build a life towering with adventures,

and new beginnings,

and unexplored places.

To learn and to love the people in it,

and to live each day making everything count,

because really it all matters.

Someday I'll understand the journey,

or maybe I wont...

But I'll know it was all supposed to fall into place in this moment in time,

just the way it has.

And tonight I thought about Escapism.

All the parts previous,

and I wonder what I was running from,

and I think about how home always builds itself int he most surprising places,

and how much I carry with me,

and all the adventures and the streets that taught me about life.

The people along the way,

and how beautiful and perfect it can be to laugh

and laugh.

Always when you think it might not be this way again,

it recreates itself and the list of things to be grateful for lengthens.

I think about the greats that traveled down this road before me,

and I'm closer to understanding it all.

I wonder if it was like this for them too,

and when they saw the gold sunrise on an open road,

if they felt the sense of peace that I have.

And the good company they maintained,

and the stories they told,

and the new experiences they had along the way.

What a perfect life of a wanderer.

Never taking anything foregranted,

because everything changes so quickly.

And how some things will never change,

and they will remain with me,

carried close to my heart.

A harsh reminder of reality,

and how the easy choices are not always the most fruitful ones.

And it's the hard decisions that create beautiful transformations.

I wouldn't have done it differently,

and I realize this now.

But always there's a time when my mind wanders back.

And I know the "what could have been" doesn't matter anymore.

Because what's done is done and its put me here.

I hope that you understand what I mean.

I hope you truly realize what i'm saying about it all.

It may never be the same for you,

because each person creates a unique experience.

I will never know how it would have played out,

but I had to be where I'm at.

Because even in perfect there is truth.

And that is the most powerful things to understand.

Easy when you're battling demons,

and up against impossible situations.

Harder when everything is in it's right place.

You must continue to go the direction you are going,

and I will continue along my own way.

Maybe down the road the paths will cross again,

but for now I hope that your truths remain relevant.

I hope you can  see through all the parts in the past,

and dig around for your own memories to hold close.

I will choose to remember you the way it was,

and allow myself room to grow on my own.

It has to be this way,

even if you don't understand it.

Because it all matters so greatly,

and everything builds on itself and happens for the right reasons.

Its ironic to surrounded with so much love,

and to be so void of it.

But there is perfection in imperfection,

and I have no complaints.

I'm carrying on down the path west,

with the hopefulness, and bravery, and patience that I learned in the East.

I will appreciate every speck of beauty,

and keep the past in the past.

Because those things that have disappeared will reappear if that is what is meant to be.

Gratitude.

Adventure.

Transformation.

It all matters,

So maintain the peacefulness in your present,

and find solace in knowing that you're exactly where you need to be.