Human beings are creatures that are very similar to each other, made from the personal nature of human experience. Each one of us is fully engaged in playing the game of life: fighting the challenges and reaping the rewards. Few things are ever certain, even fewer things come easy. (***notice there are no quotations in this entry because it is entirely original)

Fear. I wish everyone could see it the way I do. Fear is a mask we wear, a blanket we cover ourselves with, and a weapon we guard.

It’s an omnipotent, undeniable, motivator that creeps its way into every facet of life. It forces intensity of feeling, it creates transformation and self-realization. Fear is not a friend, although it can be helpful and comforting. I have been afraid before. Startled, terrified, uneasy, 

panicked, experienced the pins and needles, felt the pit of my stomach dropping. I have gone to bed with fear night after night, lying next to it, holding it. I have allowed fear to become a reality. I have welcomed fear into my life.

But not tonight.

No, tonight I feel no fear.

Tonight is simply a journey of self discovery,

tonight I will feel true freedom.

 It's approximately 3:00AM. The hour between 3:00-4:00AM is both my favorite hour and my least favorite hour of all the 24 hours that cycles over and over again. It's my favorite because i'm doing one of two things: either sleeping peacefully and deep in happy dreams or i'm lying awake thinking, thinking, thinking...Both are satisfactory and relaxing-self-reassuring that is. It's a time to reward myself without pressure to do anything or be anywhere. I can simply lay in a peaceful state. It's my favorite because during those times my brain drifts off and begins to dream about things that seem possible and exciting and amazing. Things that inspire, things that accomplish, things that excite...and i plan until i'm certain in my convictions and my new goals. But those thoughts drift away with the sun. But just for this one hour, i'm deleriously tired enough to think that i'm undestructable to the world, to my life. And i hold onto that as tight as i can as i drift off into sleeping bliss. I do my best thinking during this one hour where late night changes into early morning.

It's also the worst hour of the 24 cycle. It's hard to make it to 3:00am without feeling the exhaustion death begin to eat away at my soul. And sometimes it's unsettling. The majority of people are asleep. Early to bed or late to bed, early to rise, late to rise...all types of people are asleep because it's an inbetween. And that's lonely. it's the rare people, night people, who utilize the importance of this hour. They accomplish things, socially-academically-physically...because like me, they know that it's a rare time when things begin to change into a new day-both the end and the beginning.

Recently I was told that I should make myself more available to the possibility of love. Fascinating, as if my entire existence isn't already being dragged forward inch by inch into the unknown, all in the name of love. There is no greater feeling then to have love, know love, be loved, give love...Love is the building block to everything. I have both had love and lost love. I know heartbreak and heartache. I know loyalty and compromise and dedication. I know so well this driving force that possesses every individual. I breath love as air, constantly...but yet-in a way-I understood what he meant,I believed him. Love is an entirely undefinable feeling, unique to each person. It's as unpredictable as the weather, and As dependable as the stars...showing evidence of its presence long after it's gone.

Truthfully the only thing in life that I've ever wanted is the thing I've fought most to keep, and the  knowing I could never live without.

Be intense. Live honestly. Never stop dreaming.

"You have people come into your life shockingly and surprisingly. You have losses that you never thought you'd experience. You have rejection and you have learn how to deal with that and how to get up the next day and go on with it."

“And tomorrow’s just a mystery, oh, yeah, but that’s okay. I’m alone, on my own and I’m starting off. I’ll be strong, I’ll be wrong, oh, but life goes on. Oh, I’m just a girl trying to find a place in this world.”

"To me, Fearless is not the absense of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, Fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death." 

"Real life is a funny thing you know.
In real life saying the right thing, at the right moment is beyond crucial.
So crucial in fact, that most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.
But lately what I’ve began to fear more than that, is letting the moment pass with saying anything.
I think you deserved to look back on your life without this chorus of resounding voices saying, I could of but it’s too late now.
So there’s a time for silent, and there a time for waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you so clearly know what you need to say.
You’ll know it.
I don’t think you should wait.
I think you should speak now."

"Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good, because the only words you'll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone." 

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."

"The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you. Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."

So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
And I'll feel you forget me like I use to feel you breathe
And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
Hope it's nice where you are

And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you, you wish you had stayed
We can plan for a change in weather and time
I never planned on you changing your mind

So, I'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes
All that I know is I don't know
How to be something you miss

-Taylor Swift

All along the eastern shore
Put your circuits in the sea
This is what the world is for
Making electricity
You can feel it in your mind
Oh you can do it all the time
Plug it in and change the world
-MGMT

As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives. 

-Henry David Thoreau

"We get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more. perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless"

Somewhere along the way I lost my confidence.

Forgot my self-worth.

But the great search to find it again...

this is life.

To live boldly and take chances.

Facing inevitable changes... 

understanding limits, living immortally .

Being brave.

Demanding success.

Achieving goals.

Nothing is easy, it's  always between-what could have been and what was....

But live with honesty, and sensibility .

Embrace the opportunities.

Love.