"In the sea of lovers without ships And lovers without sign You’re the only way out of this sea Lovers losing time And lovers losing hope Will you let me follow you Wherever you go Bring me home."

"A certain type of silence has filled my voice
I scream beneath the water and make no noise
All my prayers go quiet and never heard
And I am lost again"

The afternoon has settled long and heavy on my shoulders
The winter's light feels different on my skin
It doesn't seem to strike as far below the surface so
I have to conclude that shadow won't let it in

The leaves are all still changing, the weather here is mild and vacant
A winter's blooming on Los Angeles
The artificial cold is more than I was hoping for
But not enough to consume the darkened state I'm in

What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

"No, man. Alaska, Alaska. I'm gonna be all the way out there, all the way fucking out there. Just on my own. You know, no fucking watch, no map, no axe, no nothing. No nothing. Just be out there. Just be out there in it. You know, big mountains, rivers, sky, game. Just be out there in it, you know? In the wild."

“I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until I'm tired. I watch the wind play with the trash that's been under the snow all winter. Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by absence?”

Slowly becoming undone, self-victimization of all the leaving that's happened,

living lifetimes of walking away.

Why is everything always intensified by absence.

Because it becomes impossible to preserve the perfect memories.

Perfection is only realized by limitations of what can truly be.

Try to understand why it's this way,

shuffling them through to add something never experienced before.

Letting go,

letting go,

leaving.

Words crossed with actions that contradict.

And the painstaking, sinking feeling, of starting over again.

Scarred by past experience, and burdened by knowledge,

of how life works and flows.

To escape to the freedom of the ocean,

adventuring through open waters and leaving it all behind.

Dreams of a life at sea.

Where the horizon is your only limitation,

and days are crafted from sunsets and sundowns.

I told you I never wanted to be this for you.

And yet it becomes and inescapable thought and obsession.

To be left waiting and wondering.

Questioning and hoping.

I want to tell you to leave,

because this will be a clearer path,

one of the known.

What is to be feared more?

Leaving or staying.

To keep your chin up during a time where everything is just shoving you down.

To find the bright side and the hope,

in pointless situations,

pointless tasks.

How did it all become this way?

How to maintain the beauty, patience, bravery, and love of someone who is transforming?

Working to find the better version.

I know you think you see something here,

but really I want to tell you to leave.

Just go away and move forward on your path,

please let me walk mine.

Disappear from my mind, before you are embedded in my heart.

How to maintain in the mundane?

If you don't leave I want you know this about me.

I want to you to know the demons I battle,

I want you to know that each day is a fight to make the next one better.

Please realize that boredom translates into despair.

Did you know that I can love harder and remain more loyal than you can every return.

Please know you may never be good enough, and this is just the truth.

Because it was destined to be this way from the start.

Since the beginning my path, though unclear, lead this way.

I have been introduced to a new way of living and I won't deny myself adventure.

Footloose,

spontaneous,

passionate freedom.

So don't torment with your touch and your words.

It would be better for you to just leave.

Because I can't make you go, and i'm powerless to make you stay.

What choice is left?

But they say the beauty is in the fall,

and I think it makes me out of my mind.

Know this-

I looked for beauty in the smallest moments, where it's often missed.

I hope daily to be somewhere else, on a great adventure.

I could spend a lifetime exploring and adventuring,

and a lifetime would not be enough.

I try to evolve by practicing bravery and patience.

Even though I'm my own worst enemy, I'm also my biggest advocate.

Experience is everything.

Never forget it all matters.

Enduring life in this way will only create a stronger version,

try to find optimism,

try to keep learning.

I promise it wont always be this way,

I promise it's bigger than what it is now.

Why is love intensified by absence?