“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”

“Do you hear the people sing

Lost in the valley of the night?

It is the music of a people

Who are climbing to the light.

For the wretched of the earth

There is a flame that never dies.

Even the darkest night will end

And the sun will rise."

Les Mis

I've never understood love, 

maybe I never will but I'm going to try. Because if love produces those perfect moments in life, I want more. And be careful, because with forgiveness comes acceptance. Never settle for any less then you deserve, because that's cheating yourself of being loved the way you are supposed to be loved...

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

Les Mis

“Too many times we stand aside and let the waters slip away, till what we put off till tomorrow has now become today. So don't you sit upon the shoreline and say you're satisfied. Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance the tide.”

I don't know... 

if you know who you are...

until you lose who you are...

-ts

So many things happen so quickly,

even when it feels like time is simply crawling past.

You look back and you realized that everything is different then it was the last time.

I've spoken about this,

time...

such a surprise how it's always surprising me,

when really it's the most constant of anything and all things.

But nonetheless,

I forget that time and perspective are different.

Perspective does not change time,

but time creates perspective.

Such an endless looping of events ...

brought by time and circumstance,

faced with brand new perspective.

I think there is something beautiful about suffering,

don't misunderstand what I mean when i say this.

Suffering is the product of transformation,

transformation is the process of creation,

creation of a better version of self.

The farther from the adventure,

the deeper into the mundane,

and you almost erase   a past of adventure, and bravery, and challenge.

Don't forget what you did,

how you believed,

how you pushed harder then you ever have,

how you accomplished things you never thought.

Let that be your foreshadowing into a bright future.

Because you're a fool if you believe it comes easy.

Remember what you said?

Everything, everything, everything that is worth anything...

is a product of trials and suffering.

The ultimate character building experience.

You are supposed to maintain a patience and an optimism.

Don't let life rob you of the things that you cherish,'

the things that you earned in your travels,

the medals you wear.

Nothing can take away where I have been,

even when the memories begin to slip away, as you know they are going...

let you're character and the version of self be the illustrations of what was once.

Please don't be discouraged.

Sometimes, when it's hard to see through to the other side,

just remember how it was,

remember you create your own destiny,

you decide you're own choices,

but be hopeful.

Know that what happened once may happen again.

Appreciate perfect moments. 

Remember to live a life that makes you appreciate the beauty.

Never stop seeing the beauty...

in the sounds of the songs,

the look in his eyes,

the smell of the air,

the brilliance of nature.

Beauty is still present in despair.

And love hard.

You said you open yourself to possibilities...

I don't understand love,

but i'm trying.

You say you love me,

but I cannot understand that.

All the love in my life has been harsh and come with conditions.

So prove me wrong,

and I will show you the way I live.

The struggles of transformation

and all the endless beauty.

Once upon a time a few mistakes ago I was in your sights, you got me alone You found me, you found me, you found me I guess you didn't care, and I guess I liked that...

I think, I think when it's all over, it just comes back in flashes you know... It's like a kaleidoscope of memories that comes back. But he never does...

I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen.

It's not really anything he said or anything he did.

It was the feeling that came along with it...

And crazy thing is I don't know if I'm ever gonna feel that way again,

but I don't know if I should.

I knew his world moved too fast and burned too bright.

But i just thought how can the devil be pulling you so close to someone 

who looks just like an angel when he smiles at you...

Maybe he knew that,

when he saw me.

I guess I just lost my balance. 

I think that the worst part of it all wasn't losing him,

it was losing me.

I don't know... 

if you know who you are...

until you lose who you are...

The faster the fall,

the harder the heartbreak...

I'm knew you were trouble, 

but I cannot step away.

Falling falling falling.

Harder.

Faster.

"They hung a star over 5th Avenue, Like a beacon that's calling you home.... With our gifts we come looking for comfort, May we find in each other we're not so alone..."

“I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until I'm tired. I watch the wind play with the trash that's been under the snow all winter. Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by absence?”

One day, we'll take a trip on a boat like that. 

Would you like that?

We'll be dressing for cocktails and walk into the grand salon. 

No one's talking about war. 

They're just dancing to Cole Porter...

Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you

You know what I want...

More of those perfect moments in life,

Where you feel like time stands still,

and everything in the entire universe has come together 

to bring this one second about...

Its when you feel like everything makes sense

 and nothing else could possibly be more important then

 being right where you are 

doing right what you're doing. 

Well maybe its selfish I think that way,

Or maybe not...

Because I've had those moments...

 Where life just comes into focus crystal clear

 and everything matters

 and it gets sealed into your memory 

like a proud battle wound ...

And I capture those moments by

 the smell in the air,

 the sound of a voice, 

a quiet song playing in the background,

 the way the lights brightened the room.

And then

 all it takes is one tiny prodding of the senses

 and I'm back in it...

Everything else that matters doesn't, 

I'm right in the middle of invincibility and possibility. 

So why wouldn't I want more perfect moments...

Something to hold onto when my world starts to slip away...

Something that makes me matter when I feel invisible...

Possibility replaces impossibility.

And about that song...

I cannot emphasize enough,

How grateful I am for that song.

The one that grabs me and brings me back... 

Sucks me through a portal,

My time machine...

Jumping backwards

into the has beens 

and where afters...

I promise I won't forget.

Even when I'm working my hardest

 to conjure every tiny moment,

 I'll fight until my memory has gone completely extinct. 

And when I look back and piece it all together 

its even more beautiful.

And my gratitude remains

 and my humility is exposed.

And I know that it all matters... 

It still matters. 

Sometimes when things are happening you don't knowthe purpose,

But that's when you have to decide to have 

the faith to believe its setting you up for that perfect moment 

 you have the patience to let everything fall into place. 

Because let me tell you... 

It's the memory that makes it the sweetest

It becomes lifes quiet gift back,

 in the form of the warmest most perfect feeling.

I think others might call this love, 

but im not sure.

I've never understood love, 

and maybe I never will 

but I'm going to try.

Because if love produces those perfect moments in life,

I want more. 

I will fall and fall and fall continually...

For just even one more moment.

Then every year,

When the sky turns cold and the ground frosts over...

On the first snow fall in December 

under the Christmas lights

 surrounded by the smell of pine...

I can find another moment like the one I hold so close to my heart.

Where the tingles start at my toes and climb all the up my body...

And every single other person 

and every single thing

 completely fades away

 and its just me here with you.

And in that moment I find the most truthful and beautiful form of perfection...

It's the look in your eyes

 and the things you don't say...

It's everything that I feel and don't feel.

And I want you to know...

The ground is frosting over each morning, and soon snow will be here...

And like each year around this time,

I'll remember you and that moment.

I will count my blessings. 

I will demand myself to stretch further and live harder...

I will open my mind and my heart to the possibility...

I will love and believe in love,

Even though I don't understand it...

Because really... 

You should never take anything for granted in life...

I'm not. 

It all matters,

And you may not get another perfect moment...

Life goes its own course and you are simply a sailor at dawn...

So appreciate it all,

Hold the memories you have close...

And please don't forget to love.

"What are you afraid of? You've got a chance to change everything. Take it. This is about more than just surfing. This is about choices you make in life. This is about finding that one thing that sets you free. You need to believe in yourself or none of this matters."

“It's important in life to conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse.” 

I said oh my, what a marvellous tune

It was the best night, 

never would forget how we moved

The whole place was dressed to the nines, 

and we were dancing, dancing

Like we're made of starlight...

Starlight

"So, tomorrow, I'm leaving. And I'm not going to let that happen again with anyone else. I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to be who I really am. And i'm going to figure out what that is. But right now I'm here with you. And I want to know where you are, what you need, and what you want to do." 

perks. of. being. a. wallflower.

“I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unnerving ease. It begins in your mind, always ... so you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don't, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you.”

Life of Pi

BROOKLYN BRIDGE: New York City I love you, and it breaks my heart to know you're suffering

"To call each thing by its right name....

By its right name.
What if I were smiling and running into your arms?
Would you see then,

what I see now?"

      

“We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dream. Wandering by lone sea breakers, and sitting by desolate streams. World losers and world forsakers, for whom the pale moon gleams. Yet we are movers and the shakers of the world forever it seems.”

Forward: 

One year ago today, I moved out of the great city I called home for nine months...

and that drive to Boston in my white nissan versa rental was terrifying, heartbreaking, exciting, relieving...

I felt every emotion possible as I left the city in my rear-view.

And now, 365 days later, not a day goes by that I don't quietly (or not so quietly) reflect on that journey.

Thank you city of silver lights and sky high dreams for teaching me about myself,

continuing to teach me about myself,

and for representing so strongly the person I hope I'm becoming.

Love is so complex,

how it ebbs and flows like the tide on the sea.

I've never really understood love,

and maybe I never will,

but right now I'm too the point where it makes more sense.

Love and fear...

bouncing back and forth between the two like a tennis match.

Every time I get my footing secured,

I just end up jumping head first into the next scary situation.

And each time I emerge,

I see this new version of myself,

the better version...the truer version.

Sometimes it can surprise you,

the ways you change...

the things you think are steadfast,

with one jarring event

your whole world slides out from under you...

and everything you've known to always be true...forever true...

is completely different.

As quick at the winds and the rain and water recedes,

you're stuck cleaning up the massacre of the un-welcomed storm

that has destroyed your universe bit by bit.

It's been one month, a little less...

and yet I still challenged in the same ways I was challenged before.

Angry at the world for demanding a patience I've fought to sustain,

helpless at the hopelessness of every situation,

surprised with each hand I'm dealt.

Yet this bright bright bright burning fire,

this fire of hope and possibility and

invincibility...

it's captured my soul...

and so I love the adventure of the life I live,

and I love the unpredictability that keeps me accountable to myself,

and I fear the adventures that are ahead,

and I fear the unpredictability that keeps me accountable to myself.

And I'm stuck in this back and forth...

battered by an angry store of love and fear.

So let me tell you this...

because I don't understand love,

doesn't mean you never will.

Surround yourself with love,

arm yourself with love...

and fight the fears that torment.

Be brave, 

stay true to the person you want to be...

take risks...

in life.,

in love,

in everything.

Because when you fear the adventure it's okay.

It becomes an opportunity for you to learn and grow and evolve...

so you can love harder and live braver.

Stop letting the demons into your head,

they are poisoning the person you used to be,

and creating a person you never wanted to become.

Know that what you do and the things you say are real,

and they matter.

And be careful, because with forgiveness comes acceptance.

Never settle for any less then you deserve,

because that's cheating yourself of being loved the way you are supposed to be loved.

Let life be scary,

it will keep you accountable.

Know that nothing last forever,

nothing stays the same always...

APPRECIATE EVERY MOMENT!

I cannot stress this enough.

Life happens in a flash,

and you will never be fully prepared for everything.

So remain hopeful in the evolution of it all.

Appreciate the beautiful moments,

I'm not perfect,

and I don't pretend to be perfect.

But i realize the urgency of living.

The necessity of fear,

the dire need to love and to be loved.

I can only hope as the future looms ahead,

I will remain planted on my path,

I will let the Wanderlust soak into my blood.

I will embrace the person I am today,

I will strive for the person I hope to be tomorrow.

And I will enjoy the beautiful-ness of it all.

And I will try to love you with everything I can.

And I will always find the hope in the situation,

and use it as my guiding light on any adventure that is ahead.

"They say it's what you make I say it's up to fate It's woven in my soul I need to let you go Your eyes, they shine so bright I want to save their light I can't escape this now Unless you show me how..."

And when I looked at you, staring intently into my eyes, it was everything familiar flooding back into every piece of me. The dreams of when I was a child, the memories of hopefulness. A blessing of calm soaking into my soul. And all that had mattered so deeply once, melted away. You breathed life into a meaningless void. There is no peace I've ever felt like when you're around me, there is no joy that's ever been so truly celebrated like the joy you bring. And I can only hope and pray that somewhere...somewhere down the line...our paths will cross again.

And I when you told me it would always be this way, forever and ever, I didn't believe you-because I knew the truth...that no two people could ever continue on this way...in perfect happiness, together until the ends of time, like two stars twinkling in the night sky. 

Some days I can't even trust myself
It's killing me to see you this way

'Cause though the truth may vary
This ship will carry
Our bodies safe to shore

of monsters and men.

"Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend - or a meaningful day."

I remember everything like it just happened yesterday,

the streets we drove,  the moments that mattered, the songs we sang,

what we laughed about, cried about, stressed about,

what made us celebrate and jump for joy.

The scary stuff we did,

the way we lived like we were invincible in our naiive youthfulness.

But then I wake up and realize that so much time has passed,

and here I am yet again,

rushing a million miles an hour towards some unknown destination.

But it's confusing to see the similarities in the differences,

and the differences in the similarities.

If you were me, 

if you were in this situation, 

then you'd know exactly what I mean when i say that.

I keep diving headfirst into  the waves that keep pushing me backwards.

But yet, each time it's a little different...

each time a tiny bit of clarity is gained.

And i have hope in the gigantic void that is life.

And i feel refreshed, and i savor the chance for another chance.

Will i be the girl who's dreams always come true?

and once that happens realize I was stuck in the wrong dream?

I can't help but know there is an epic-ness about the upcoming.

There has always been a platform being built,

i'm just waiting until it's big enough to climb on top of,

and I want to stand there and announce to the world,

I fucking made it.

I'm here.

Living with no regrets,

knowledge of consequence and reaction to action.

I'm aware.

Living bravely, taking chances, being bold.

Keeping faith in the dark times,

surviving emptiness.

Patience, patience, patience,

allowing life to unfold as it's meant too,

taking cues when they are given,

moving forward, faster, slower, faster...

I get how this works, 

I'm a weathered veteran.

My spirit is unbroken and my eyes are set ahead,

making each moment count.

Life is so short, shorter then we think,

when time seems endless, and stretches ahead of us,

there is a sunset for every sunrise.

Please don't take it for granted. 

I don't understand love, and I don't think I ever will-

but love anyways.

Because there is no life, no living, true living,

without love.

I think we are all connected in some weird way,

what is this invisible bond?

Love.

Hope.

Beauty.

Passion.

Everything that matters,

it all matters.

But I know this, in the familiarity of unfamiliarity,

press forward and keep moving.

Some day the  invisible lines will appear in a clear path,

then everything will make sense.

Wait for that moment, and don't lose faith.

Accept the gradual changes in life,

adapt to the sudden changes in life.

Your time will come.

It always does, for everyone...

All I can say  about it  is this:

transforming anonymously is the quietest beauty,

patience is a well practiced skill, 

work at it every day,

it will not just happen.

Give love when it does't make sense,

give love when you don't feel deserving,

give love when it feels like you have nothing else to give.

Indulge in beauty,

soak it in, immerse yourself in it,

celebrate it at every chance.

Never that the passion of new adventures die,

fight with every ounce of strength to never be ordinary,

never be average, 

never settle.

And remain faithful to the idea that it will one day make sense,

and 

that

it. all. matters.

"Well I came home.Like a stone.And I fell heavy into your arms.These days of dust.Which we've known.Will blow away with this new sun.But I'll kneel down wait for now.And I'll kneel down.Know my ground.And I will wait I will wait for you."

Mumford and Sons.