"At some point in life the world's beauty becomes enough. You don't need to photograph, paint or even remember it. It is enough. No record of it needs to be kept and you don't need someone to share it with or tell it to. When that happens — that letting go — you let go because you can."

A TRIBUTE POST TO REFLECT IN A NEAR MIRROR IMAGE MY THOUGHTS TWO YEARS AGO AT THIS TIME AND WHERE I'M AT NOW...

Reflections Part II

Coney Island 2011

Mt Shasta, California 2011

Niagara Falls 2012

SoCal Carpinteria CA 2013

thankful for where i've been,grateful for where i am now,

excited for where i'll be...

"Time means nothing now. It slips away as easily as grains of sand on a wind-swept beach. But those grains only trade places. On my bike, I change the same way—new locations in the passage of time. The pedaling is incidental—like breathing. The hills and mountains come and go—my legs powering over them in a kind of winsome trance. Grappling with headwinds only brings determination; while riding a tail wind brings ecstasy. There is a transformation into a state of bliss, much like a seagull gliding on the updrafts. I see them standing on beaches or soaring over the waves. Just flying. Just living. Just being. Me too."

THE SPIRIT OF ADVENTURE:  Frosty Wooldridge, Golden, Colorado

"He stood breathing, and the more he breathed the land in, the more he was filled up with all the details of the land. He was not empty. There was more than enough here to fill him. There would always be more than enough."

"We must free ourselves of the hope that the sea will ever rest. We must learn to sail in high winds."

Cause darling, it was good never looking down.
And right there where we stood was holy ground.Tonight I’m gonna dance for all that we’ve been through

I get lost in the beauty
Of everything I see
The world ain’t half as bad
As they paint it to be
If all the sons,
All the daughters
Stopped to take it in
Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin
It might start now, yeah
Well maybe I’m just dreaming out loud
Until then...
Come home

Reflections: Part II

One of the goals of this blog, for me personally, was to be able to chronicle the endless streams of thoughts that have flown through my head in the whirlwind of all the changes and experiences I've undergone in the last couple years. But surprisingly (or may not so much) I have realized when looking back at past time and dates from previous years often times the thoughts that were in my head about life and learning and wondering and experiencing are being experienced in a mirrored way on the same date a year or two later...

So this post can be a tribute to April 13, 2011... and even now, Im still thinking about New York as though I was living it. I wondered then about my life and the people in it and where I was going and how I was going to get there... I realized that it's the same two years later. Learning to master lessons, achieve goals, and continue to evolve into a better version of self.

The First Topic: There has been someone on my mind lately a lot. And like before, I really want to share. Because I think this person deserves to be immortalized on the internet as we so casually do now-a-days....and I often think about her. 

When I moved to NYC, there was a long stretch of time where I went 13 months in a row getting on a plane in some manner. Once I got bit by the travel bug, I couldn't shake it and it didn't help I also had to travel a lot for work. I was living in my apartment in Brooklyn, a neighborhood called Clinton Hill and this was my first trip back to Chicago after I had moved (for pleasure not business). Often times going from my apartment to the airport I would resort to using my favorite Brooklyn Car service (aka: the most recent number for a "brooklyn" taxi as I had dialed on my phone) and this time, to my surprise, when the car service pulled up to get me there was a woman driver. The significance was that Miriam (my driver) would be the first and ONLY female cab driver I encountered in Brooklyn, Manhattan, or at any point really. And sidenote: I had just lost my last driver Jeff (older white man who would talk about his days driving passengers and his son who was in a band). He drove a blue mini van and was nice but like to talk A LOT, which I didn't love early in the morning. But generally, I try to find one driver I like and stick with them because then I can call them personally instead of having to go through the company dispatcher....Back to the point...When i saw Miriam I was very excited/intrigued at the possibility of a new consistent driver.

Miriam and I made small talk on our way to the airport. She told me about her son and asked me about tutoring for him and I told her I was heading to Chicago to visit my family.... this drive was the beginning of something beautiful. And that small talk was just the first of many of our conversations.... I took her number and told her I would call her to bring me home when I returned to NYC. I think about how lucky I was to have randomly had her pick me up-because throughout the rest of my time in NYC, a city where I felt so alone so often, Miriam became my guardian angel. 

Shes in so many memories of my experiences in NYC...Popping up in all the right times: taking me home on late nights, picking me up on early early mornings (I had quite the strange schedule that was not always in sync with the quaint G-train that ran through Brooklyn)  It's funny how random memories stick in your brain-I can almost remember every single drive I took with Miriam (and there were quite a few). She would take me into Manhattan for work on Friday and bring me home on some Monday mornings... She would show up at my apartment those mornings I had to be at Starbucks at 4:00am, and bring me home when I shut down the store late at night. She would drive me to the airport the many more times I went, she would pick me up when I landed again. If I was stranded in Manhattan late at night and didn't want to make the hour trek home to my apartment alone through the subway she would be there. And if she couldn't get me-she would send someone to make sure I got home okay. I really don't know how I would have made it without Miriam-she was consistent, reliable, and the one shred of familiarity and security I had.

She was a safety net... there was one time I got really really sick and she offered to drive to bring me medicine. When i moved out and didn't know what to do with my furniture (and had no assistance to move it) she sent her sons to come help me move my couch out and take it away. Once she drove me into Manhattan for a taco bell craving (ridiculous I know). I would bring her coffee and food when I left Starbucks and she would pay me back in stories. I loved listening to them all... story after story of her years as a true New Yorker- surviving the perils of driving clients around... and in order to keep some of her privacy in tact I won't share them in detail. Also because they are her stories and in a way... our secrets. This is not the point...but she was a true hustler, survivor...I learned a lot from Miriam-cause her outlook on life was awesome. And I had, and still have, such a strong respect for her. She was a family woman, a career woman, a realist with an optimistic outlook on people, she was tough and brave, and she was a hard worker. She really could do it all.

When I moved from NYC I headed up to Boston. The plan was to rent a car and drive what little things I had the three hours north up into New England territory...And of course, who did I call but Miriam to take me to pick up the rental place. Now-I could have easily taken public transportation, and this was in the middle of a Monday, but it just seemed appropriate to call her-. She was my friend and my cheerleader and I wanted to make sure she would be the last person I saw before I left, the last conversation I had, and I knew she would wish me well. I remember her telling me she would drive me up there herself (but that would have costed WAY more then renting a car), but she told me if I ever needed anything in Boston to call her and she would be there, and if I ever came back to NYC to visit I could stay in her new house she recently purchased with her brother. We kept in contact here and there for a few months after I left. And eventually fell out of contact and I'm not sure her number is even working. But even though we have lost touch I will never forget about her. I think about her often and how grateful I am to have had her watching out for me.

She had a charm in her car...I'm not one for "luck" and neither was she really...but i hung there nonetheless, spiking my curiosity, It was an all seeing eye in a heart. I would always see it hanging in her car and I asked her about it at one point. She said after she got a gun pointed at her one Christmas Eve while driving, she put it in her car to protect her and keep her safe- Apparently, since then nothing bad has happened. When she dropped me off at the car rental place and wished me well she took that charm from her car and gave it to me to take with me. She told me it would keep me safe. I kept it hanging in the rental all the way to Boston, and then hanging in my room, and it has found its place into all three cars I have ownned. I consider it my lucky charm (nothing bad has happened to me in my car since-no accidents, never being stranded, keeping me safe). But moreso I keep it as a reminder and tribute to my guardian angel Miriam who took such good care of me during a time where I felt alone. And from time to time she will pop into my head and I'll think of her and hope she is doing well... and think about how I will never forget the random kindness I experience from a complete stranger who decided to watch over me.

The SECOND and FINAL Topic:

I'd like to say first: wow! I did not expect to write a novel there, but i had a lot to say...

Recent updates on life in general... taking a page from the book of normalcy. 
Trying to practice the art of consistency with out falling into the traps of complacency. 

Working the steady corporate job I have always wanted-working on climbing the ladder. 

Learning the importance of having a savings and gaining a bit more financial responsibility then I've had in the past. 

I'm working on maintaining a positive outlook with the day to day grind...not traveling or having the intensity of newness. 

Being experiencing a hyper awareness of how to maximize the relationships I have currently.
It's a gift for sure, to be able to have such closeness with my friends, and frequent interactions with important people to me. 
Which comes from not living in a different time zone...

But I do need to challenge myself to maintain the attitude of meeting new people as well as keeping attentive to myself.

Not getting swept up in the influences of my peers but maintaining the basics of knowing who I am and what I believe in.

It's about working daily on becoming a better, stronger, more confident version of self.

Having the patience to deal with high volumes of interaction with other people and respecting the differences they bring.

Going from being alone in a city where I knew no one and working a job with no co-workers to now: living with three of my friends, constantly surrounded by other friends and co-workers and being a hop skip jump from my family...has brought a gigantic shift and quite the change. Which is just now starting to feel natural in comparison.

I'm also learning to find beauty in familiarity, in a place where it's less evident. 

I need to take more pictures, I need to keep writing. Because those things keep me grounded and remind me of what is important. There is zero part of me that wants to undo the work I did in the year and a half I lived in NYC/Boston.

When I think back to August 2010, when I jumped out of a plane, and everything changed for me...I think in a lot of ways so much time has passed, because so much newness has happened and I've gained a ton of life points...

But in a way I think no time has passed, because the things I've decided then were important are still important to me now, still things I work on daily.

Patience: life happens at its own pace and as much as you can't go back and change the past, you can't hurry your future. Be patient and that will bring the right things at the right time, and keep life manageable...just the perfect amount of underwhelming and overwhelming.

Journey: the true trick to avoided the complacency in simplicity is remembering you are a creature of adventure. You have a passion for the changing horizon like Jack and Austin and all the greats that have gone before... And as long as you keep the fire alive...you will find meaning in it. Waking up daily will be exciting and not disappointing, and your mind will stay open and your spirit will stay young.

Bravery: pushing yourself to new limits...whether that be in familiarity or newness. Stepping out of the comfort zone...into unexplored territory. Not being afraid to be different. Being brave enough to voice your opinion. Being brave enough to have an opinion. Being brave enough to try things that you're afraid of...being brave enough to recognize fear and challenge it. Never run away from the things that scare you, but rather gain an understanding...but in the feeling of being afraid you often become vulnerable and learn the most about yourself.

Hopefulness: that the things to come are better then the things past, that people are inherently good, hopefulness in the future, but having hope in present situations too. Be hopeful to avoid the disappointments life throws at you.

Beauty: the beauty in nature, the beauty in people, the beauty in situations, and silence. It is an essential characteristic of your person to be able to find beauty in all situations but literal and figurative. It is the only way to gaze through the perspective lens at the world and lfie.

Finally...

Love. I didn't understand love back then, and I don't know, and maybe I never will. But its trying to understand...and doing your best to love yourself first and foremost so you can be an able vessel to love others. It is the MOST important characteristic of life. Its everywhere and unavoidable.

Keep working on those lessons, keep trying to be a better version of self.

Cause remember, it does all matter.