"If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.”

"We've always defined ourselves by the ability to overcome the impossible. And we count these moments. These moments when we dare to aim higher, to break barriers, to reach for the stars, to make the unknown known. We count these moments as our proudest achievements. But we lost all that...

 ...Or perhaps we've just forgotten that we are still pioneers. And we've barely begun. And that our greatest accomplishments cannot be behind us, because our destiny lies above us."

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess

'Til all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that will light those ears
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

Not Till we are completely lost or turned around...do we begin to find ourselves.

Henry David Thoreau

Fear is a funny thing,

I practiced hard to maintain a fearless way of living.

Bold, brave, adventurous...

And as you get old it evolves.

You no longer want someone to check for monsters under bed.

Rather fear has changed into a feeling similar to falling.

This endless stomach drop adrenaline rush,

and you can't slow,

just spiraling into an endless abyss of unknown.

I thought as you get older make you fear less,

and well that may be true,

I think you fear differently.

Your general understanding of life and how it works,

what you can handle and what you can't.

As you gain life perspective, experience tragedy,

preparing for the unexpected...

When you're young you try to pretend you aren't afraid.

You hid them, for fear of being mocked and teased.

You play a game of avoidance and denial.

As you grow older you try to fight them,

conquer them,

understand them,

change them.

And then you reach a point, as you continue on in life,

where you stop ignoring fear, stop fighting fear..

and you start embracing it.

You learn about yourself in new ways,

discovering unrealized fears.

You sort your priorities and gain a solid understanding of who you are and how you fit in the world.

And then when you fall out of that understanding,

it creates the fear I'm talking about.

Where you begin a spiraling free-fall,

grasping at whatever you can reach on the way down.

I don't wish to be afraid,

and i don't dwell on fear.

But I am thankful sometimes,

to know that it's not always the way I understand it to be,

there is a variable called the unknown that is constantly appearing.

I still practice bravery.

But don't spend time on worrying about what people think.

I"m not afraid of perception,

I"m not afraid of not being able to "conquer" fear.

Rather I"m welcoming it,

and learning how to use fear to create life lessons.

I"m learning to relinquish control,

same as before, but differently.

Because time has changed me.

Experiences has changed me.

People have changed me.

Perspective has changed me.

You cannot predict the future any more than you can change the past.

Just move forward, and create new horizons.

Soak in new experiences and travel to new places.

Because I truly believe that the world is an amazing place,

filled with knowledge, culture, uniqueness...

and there are so many stories to be heard,

and so many lessons to be learned,

and so many faces to meet,

and so many sunrises to see.

This makes the fearfulness healthy instead of debilitating.

You'll never get every answer you want for all your questions,

but you will find some,

and the more answers you get the more you can let it go.

You'll never find answers if you stop looking for them.

And gaze into the past and gain inspiration.

The smell in the air, the sounds of traffic,

an old song, a picture, a feeling...

All that are tools you have to propel yourself into the future.

Ammunition against despair, discouragement, disappointment...

Reminders of the streets you conquered, and the way it all felt.

And don't you remember that you were so afraid.

And you were stuck in an endless free fall,

and it was exactly where you needed to be.

And don't stop with the past,

but let that motivate you to search for new adventures,

to fill your future with newness, change, and new horizons.

Because you'll never find what you want if you stop looking.

Try not to be so angry about the things you can't control.

People make choices that you may never understand.

And as much as you want to find the human connectedness in it all,

it was never what you thought it was.

Perceptions altered by space and time and distance.

You put into life what you want back,

and truly what goes around will come back around.

And even though you don't understand it,

it may have opened the door for something different.

Don't refuse another or deny difference chances.

Just move on into the future,

leave your past in the past.

Let go of anger,

don't let decisions made by other people affect your spirit and passion.

Don't waste time on meaningless relationships.

So much of life happens all the time.

And even when it moves at its slowest,

things are happening.

So move through it boldly.

Pioneer new experiences all the time.

Opportunities are arising, things are falling in place,

and you can't count the time now the same way you did then,

but it's not worse or better,

it's just different.

Allow yourself moments to feel fear, embrace the results.

Stop to appreciate beauty of all types, big and small.

Celebrate small victories,

stop trying to create happiness and keep practicing love.

Because it all matters.

"I've given everyone I know a good reason to go. I was surprised you stuck around long enough to figure out... That it's all alright. I guess it's all alright. I got nothing left inside of my chest but it's all alright..."

"Some people say I'm a workaholic, and I don't think that's what it is. I think I just love it so much and, for me, it doesn't feel like work. And this has been a dream of mine for so long, and it's taken longer than I had hoped it would. That when it finally has come to me I've been so scared that it's going to go away..."

 "And something really beautiful has happened in the past ten days, where I'm starting to feel like, okay I can breathe. It's okay. You've found a place. No matter what, you will always be okay..."

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

-Harriet Tubman

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

-Henry David Thoreau

A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.

-Oscar Wilde

"...I wish I could go back to Jessica Chastain in December 2003, and say,'it's okay. Calm down, it's alright, you will be heard at some point.' But also, I do know the nature of this business and I know there is ebbs and flows. And as wonderful and exciting as all this is, this is my dream come true. Some people say I'm a workaholic, and I don't think that's what it is. I think I just love it so much and, for me, it doesn't feel like work. And this has been a dream of mine for so long, and it's taken longer than I had hoped it would. That when it finally has come to me I've been so scared that it's going to go away. So there's this kinda like grasping at it and working all the time. And something really beautiful has happened in the past ten days, where I'm starting to feel like, okay I can breathe. It's okay. You've found a place. No matter what, you will always be okay. It doesn't mean you will be number 1 and number 2 in the box office but you've found a little wedge in this community, and you can just relax." -Jessica Chastain The HOLLYWOOD Reporter  3:00 PM PST 2/16/2013 by Scott Feinberg

I know this is not my typical rambling,

but I'm oozing with thoughts and inspiration.

See above, the lengthy paragraph, transcript from an interview done in 2013.

And I'm mulling it over and over in my mind.

No matter about the source, although it adds to its impressiveness,

but look deeper into the content.

And I just know I haven't heard anything that inspiring in a long long time.

So its been dominating my thoughts.

And it's a perfect illustration for how I feel.

This "old as time" romantic idea of dreaming big,

chasing those dreams down,

and watching them come to fruition.

The most painstakingly beautiful experience.

And what's impressed me so much,

never mind the context,

but it's the heart that's behind the words.

Its encouragement for anyone who has ever fought for what they really wanted.

It's for anyone who has allowed themselves to be misunderstood to remain honest.

It's hopefulness for our selves, past and present that sometimes,

there's an end or a middle to our story that is so unpredictable,

and so amazing.

It's for anyone who has ever realized they are living their dream.

And sometimes, its hard to dream big.

It feels like you are purposefully isolating yourself

as you are beaten again and again.

But there is something beautiful about not giving up.

Because amazing things can happen with perseverance.

And I know that not all dreamers can reach that point,

where you're standing in the midst of success,

looking all around you,

 pouring out gratitude and thankfulness 

that you're exactly where you want to be.

But perhaps its that we pass through these moments,

too quickly.

Because this interview really made me think,

what would I say to myself if I went back ten years ago.

It such an honest and personal answer to a question,

asked of someone who has stood surrounded by success.

And it was an incredibly relate able answer.

And I felt almost as if someone had looked deep into my own thoughts.

And it caused an outpouring of appreciation for my own journey,

and a gratitude for my past,

and a blind passionate hopefulness for a future.

So much change, so much work has happened.

So much heartache, bravery, fearfulness, celebration.

And the results have been indescribable.

The feelings and lessons along the way,

fantasies dreamed into reality.

And to be one of the lucky ones,

who reached out and grabbed tightly to a huge dream.

To have taken large risks, and been the recipient of such high reward.

To have been the places I've been,

to have met the people I've met,

to have learned the lessons I've learned...

A real sacred and gracious way to appreciate life.

And though my dreams are different,

I have been in that moment,

where I'm grasping, because I'm terrified that it's going to be taken away.

And sometimes working too hard to preserve that

can actually take away from it all.

I've stood in my city,

alone, triumphant, living out a life long dream.

And I know, if I could go back to myself then,

I would say to her,

"It's okay.

You can breathe.

You've found a place.

No matter what, you will always be okay."

"I've been picking up the pieces of the mess you made People like you always want back the love they pushed aside But people like me are gone forever when you say goodbye..."

I think I want you more than want. And no I need you more than need. I want to hold you more than hold. When you stood in front of me. I think you know me more than know. And you see me more than see. I could die now more than die. Every time you look at me.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieve it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night. 

"I have always known I wanted to be an actress, but my New York experience made me realize that my desire had nothing to do with becoming famous or making money, I was interested in exploring the human soul, its complexity, I wanted to work to understand something about life and myself. Being an actress means being in another person's shoes and therefore understanding what the person whose role you play feels; but also connecting with other human beings, as a mark of profound professional intimacy, that often touches the soul."

My head, my head is full of things that I should've done
My heart, my heart is heavy, and it sinks like a stone

She said, "Is this the life you've been dreaming of
Spending half the day away from the things you love?
It's not too late to do something new."

She said, "It's hard enough trying to live your life.
But not following your dreams made you dead inside.
If you don't love what you do."

“Do you ever feel that way?"
"Lonely?"
I search for the words. "Restless. As if you haven't really met yourself yet. As is you'd passed yourself once in the fog, and your heart leapt - 'Ah! There I Am! I've been missing that piece!' But it happens too fast, and then that part of you disappears into the fog again. And you spend the rest of your days looking for it."

People always try to explain and rationalize everything.

We do this in order to relate and connect with various moments in time,

but I wonder if that's us doing a disservice to ourselves.

I wonder about how life would transform if we decided to live bravely,

with an open mind and an accepting heart.

Throwing ourselves into each and ever opportunity that crosses our path.

Not worrying about tomorrow or yesterday.

But simply holding the right now.

It's hard for us to "let things go."

We are so attached to our things, possessions, control.

It becomes an issue of humility and generosity to give things up.

We congratulate ourselves for giving instead of receiving.

We want to create our own destiny and build our future.

We want to be happily surprised in arenas where we create and control an inevitable outcome.

We hope to gain experience, we make wish lists,

but then we never take action because its outside of the comfort zone.

It does feel safe,

and as much as we say we are gamblers,

we simply don't want to expose ourselves to risk.

I've found that opportunity is not something we create,

but it's a fleeting moment in time where we make a decision to journey into the unknown.

I've found bravery isn't a feeling we can master,

but rather it's a way of living we can practice.

You will never be absent from fear,

there are will always be parts of life and living that are unknown,

where things lie deep out of reach,

uncontrollable.

And what is most sensible thing to fear but the unknown.

If the unknown is  a deep dark bottomless pit,

then opportunity is the entrance.

It lies just on the surface between what we can see and control

and what we cannot predict.

Don't let it pass by quickly, recognize that fear makes bravery possible,

being brave is not the absence of fear,

but instead it's creating experiences in the midst of the things we are afraid of.

It's hard to explain to you.

But I say this in preparation for what is to come.

And I've reached the point where backwards actually feels like the past,

and every moment is a step in the future.

Transformation, change, the unknown, bravery, patience, love.

It's all happening again,

I feel like i'm standing on the surface of the known,

surrounded by opportunity,

peering down into the deep dark bottomless pit.

And I cringe to admit this,

but yes, I feel older, worn my past experiences of what was.

And although I saturate myself in reminders of my city,

it has settled as an epic moment in the history of who I am,

and it feels as comfortable as seeing an older friend.

I never thought I would be at that point,

but I'm okay with that.

I'm keeping in mind what I was told once,

That leaving my city was not the end of an adventure,

but rather the beginning of many.

And I'm on a count,

the clock ticks away and I'm savoring each moment this time.

I'm appreciating beauty and experience,

not in the quiet moments, but the loud ones.

I''m celebrating love instead of questioning it,

I'm saying two yes's for every no.

I"m being patient and strategic,

but I'm also being spontaneous.

I'm allowing my dreams to grow bigger than I can imagine,

and throwing them into the bottomless pit of the unknown.

Its okay to ask questions that don't have answers,

it's okay to let yourself live spontaneously,

it's okay to search in new places for connection.

Don't discount any moment,

don't get discourage.

This is you transforming into a better version.

Life may be short, or life may be long.

In the end it doesn't matter because we don't choose this for ourselves.

Remember how hard it is to "let things go..."

Well try,

because if you loosen the reigns of all the things you are trying to control,

then your hands will be free to explore,

experience,

and just be present.

That way you can maximize the here and now.

And you can be ready to snatch up the opportunities as they fly past.

There are things in life you don't want to be true that are,

spending your time and energy fighting to change that is useless,

Remember that being misunderstood is okay.

It does not prevent us from connectedness,

so stop trying to explain away the in explainable and just live.

And lastly a little bit about love.

At the core of human connectedness we have this thing call love.

And even though it has an endless variety,

never reappearing in the same way..

it also creates this universal connection among every person.

And it's okay to celebrate alongside others,

but don't discount the value it has for you personally.

Its the reason to experience each moment fairly,

its the reason we strive to explore and adventure,

it the reason we thirst for connections, and desire to be understood,

its the reason we appreciate beauty,

it's the greatest part of the legacy.

I've stopped trying to create happiness,

and instead have put my energy into practicing love.

This has changed my life in a profound way.

But its okay,

just do you best,

and don't forget it all matters.