"I'm an artist, and the need to get inside myself and be creative and be other people is a part of who I am. I don't imagine I'll abandon that completely..."

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

Baby, I think we both know 
It's gone wrong, wrong, wrong 
And I know you don't think we can carry it on 
Baby, I think we both know 
It's gone bad, bad, bad 
Think of all the good times we had 

Driving to your house 
'Member when we first met 
Dancing on a friday night 
Under the moonlight 
Talking 'til the night was gone 
In the back of my truck with the radio on 

"The problem with time, I've learned, whether it's those first two weeks I got to spend with you, or the final two months I got to spend with him, eventually time always runs out. I have no idea where you are out there in the world, John. But I understand that I lost the right to know these things long ago. No matter how many years go by, I know one thing to be as true as ever was - I'll see you soon then."

"Hard to break...Like the ground I grew up on! You may fool me, and I’ll fall. But I won’t stay down long..."

They say you get stronger in the broken places
when you lean into the crisis that your facing
In your weakness your made strong

I could back down and fall to pieces
Just to fire with a million reasons
You know that's what I used to do
Ohh but I believe we can go the distance
Not take the path of least resistance

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

"Don't be afraid to fall in love, It's the only thing that matters in life. Fall in love with as many things as possible."

"I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong."

I can't stop thinking about STRENGTH. What it means to be a strong person, or to live with strong convictions...to be someone who can weather the storm, even through the worst times. Really it relates to everything currently that has been running through my mind...the tragedy in Japan, dealing with being brave, what it means to be a person with strong convictions, strength in parenting, having the strength to endure the hard lessons, and to keep going even on those days you wake up and feel totally hopeless. It's such an interesting idea because it is visible in so many different arenas of life. Everyone shows their strengths in the ways that they know how to portray them and it's so individual. If you can figure that out, then it's a beautiful thing.

Specifically, I watched Country Strong today...the main character...was obsessed with this idea of being strong...making this comeback to return to a place where she could feel strong about her life. She was trying to overcome a dying marriage, failing career, and struggle with addiction. And basically the entire film showcased this great struggle for her to be "country strong." Which the message as I understood it, was to be able to overcome her struggles in a way that shows to everyone else she was "country strong." Anyways, in this journey to find her inner strength she pretty much unravels completely after being pulled out of rehab too early...and she has this huge redeeming moment towards the end of the film where it seems as everything is going to be okay. But in the end she realizes that love and fame cannot exist in the same place and she takes her life. Which seems totally opposite, to me, of everything she was trying to be. 

I have a special place for characters who are fighting internal battles like that...I guess I relate, because so often I feel that internal struggle...but I love seeing it portrayed in film. Other examples I can list of the top of my head...characters that have adjusted my perspective on "strength" as a general concept...Emile Hursch in Into the Wild, Natalie Portman in Black Swan, Charlize Theron in Monster...to name a few. There are so many though...basically in general it forces me to think about how hard life can be and how important it is to find that strength. Whatever that may look like-and live with that strength. Because frankly life is hard.

 Lately I've been trying to find what my own "strength" looks like to me. This idea that I can wake up and live each day without feeling "weak." Weakness to me is fear, insecurity, not having personal convictions. So strength, to me, seems to be bravery, self-accomplishment, honest living, and fearless decision making. I find this in a song, in a conversation, in other people, in so many little things...an article I read, a story I hear, random acts of kindness...I find all these reminders to live with strength. People do it all the time, every day...they overcome trials, the achieve their dreams, they take chances. I want so badly to have that for myself. So I'm thankful for any reminder that I have to be strong, or to feel strong.

I believe it can be transforming and eye-opening. It's a lifestyle, an attitude, a specific mindset to push onward and carve a path...which hopefully won't end in untimely death (as previously mentioned). But I believe this may be the most important key to success. I just think about the people in my life that I admire as "strong" and I hope that I can set that example for someone else...This is a total scramble of all my thoughts and pretty much incoherent but I wanted to get it out...so there it is...how I feel. If you read this far-good job. 

A beautiful strength is found in simply surviving the trials of life.