“There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something greater.
But sometimes it doesn't.
Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of every day, the slow walk toward a better life.
That is the sort of bravery I must have now.”
In the morning it comes, heaven sent a hurricane
Not a trace of the sun but I don't even run from rain
Beating out of my chest, my heart is holding on to you
From the moment I knew
Not a trace of the sun but I don't even run from rain
Beating out of my chest, my heart is holding on to you
From the moment I knew
“I fell in love with him. But I don't just stay with him by default as if there's no one else available to me. I stay with him because I choose to, every day that I wake up, every day that we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other. I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me.”
veronica roth.
You know what I've been wondering lately...
if you reach this point in life where you have been around and around and around,
in the same sort of ways as before,
and you begin to grow emotional calluses.
Where there was once an uncomfortable ache and pain,
layers grown on layers,
and it stops being painful.
Is this strength?
Is it better to be numb or is it better to feel?
Do we even have a choice in the matter?
Part of living with no regrets is learning how to look forward instead of in the past.
Its taking the experiences from before and using them to shape the future.
But never wishing it was any different than the way it is.
I hope this isn't masked by the disguise of self-transformation.
I hope this isn't giving up, or giving in, or settling.
I hope at some point those feelings return.
I believe you owe it yourself to be allowed to feel.
We want to choose in life,
to be happy but not sad,
to be brave but not to fear,
to be hopeful but to ignore discouragement,
to love without hurt,
to gain without sacrifice.
But it doesn't work that way,
at least I've never seen it look like this.
We have these opposing emotions that force us into wanted feelings,
but never regard the painful parts.
We grow impatient and frustrated during the hard parts,
and begin to feel entitled to the rewards and the joy.
But it's always work.
Nothing just happens,
it's always the action/reaction...choices that have consequences.
I've been wondering lately when it became like this.
Why everything is bland and tasteless,
where to go to summon joy,
where to go to find the darkness before the light.
It's better to feel than to be void of feelings.
To be so good at building protective walls,
that you're sacrificing the hard parts of life,
in order to avoid inevitable pain,
and then losing the joy and the happiness.
Emotions are the symptoms of life,
it's how you know you're alive and living and experiencing and growing and changing.
Numbness is the absence of living.
The absence of change and self-transformation.
Recently I had a conversation with an old friend,
about I explained that I have no interest in ordinary.
That i choose to see the past as a beginning and not as an end.
This was not an isolated event,
but rather the trial run for what lies ahead.
Before I didn't do it alone,
I had the support and company of another individual.
And that provided an unimaginable strength.
But I think about it now, and I wonder if maybe I go about it in a different way.
Use my past experience to grow my future,
because you can't wait for that support.
You can't hope that someone will go about it with you,
because you have the sole responsibility for creating your own story.
And I lived it every day again and again for a year.
The places, the people, the streets, the sounds, the lights,
all of the lights.
But just like that it all feels like a different lifetime.
A fantasy world separated from the here and now,
the inns and outs of what life has morphed into.
And i'm sure that it's my responsibility to remember the experiences,
to grow on the past into my future.
Whether you're there or I'm void of you,
whether it happens the same way or a different way.
And i know it's all okay,
because this is the journey I'm on,
and this is way I've gone about it all.
As I said before...
the loneliest feeling is manifested from knowing you're misunderstood.
But you can spend your whole life trying to present a self that's understood.
You can spend your whole life conforming to connect,'
craving a sameness.
This may not be a good use of time and energy.
This may not further the cause,
this may not create a newness,
and this may suffocate your individualism.
Eventually leading to the emotional callus,
protection from the familiar wave of feelings,
crashing down and smoothing out the roughness,
rounding out the edges,
and making it easier to ignore what cannot be ignored.
You cannot possibly imagine what you are capable of,
because it's all circumstantial.
If I knew what I know now,
then I never would have survived any of it.
We are constantly growing and stretching and reaching into the farthest parts,
in order to adapt.
It's a beautiful thing, simply surviving the trials of life.
It's created everything I know to be true,
its created every essence of who I am,
its allowed a journey of expression where I'm free to celebrate individualism.
Sometimes you have things that you deal with,
and you work on it,
piecing it together, trying to make some sense of it.
And you work as hard as you can,
but then it becomes overwhelming-
so you put it back on the shelf to return to later.
It's okay that you don't have all the answers,
i don't expect you too.
Its okay that things don't happen in an instant.
The parts that you want to rush always take forever,
the the things that happen in an instant are always unexpected.
Its okay to have your own timeline,
create your own expectations.
It's okay to be misunderstood.
I said this is okay,
I did not say this was easy.
Remember there is not joy without sadness.
There is not bravery without overcoming fear.
There is not hopefulness without learning disappointment.
There is not love without pain,
there is not growth without sacrifice.
Don't be greedy about the good parts,
give attention to the hard parts too.
Because at the end of the day, you owe it yourself to let you feel.
To grow through the hard times,
to make the good times that much sweeter.
It's part of being, living, feeling alive.
Its actively participating in the here and now,
it's living without regrets.
Be honest with yourself when you make decisions,
do not do something because its easy,
do not do something because it's hard,
just realize that the actions you take reflect the integrity of the self as an individual.
And those choices are honest.
And it all matters.
Don't forget it that everything happens so quickly,
so don't rush it too much,
but don't be complacent.
Allow those moments you want to hurry to pass as they are supposed to.
Don't be too caught off guard by the moments that happen in an instant.
Practice love,
because even if you don't understand it,
it's still important.
