“So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains.”

“I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people's lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life.” 

“The most intriguing people you will encounter in this life are the people who had insights about you, that you didn't know about yourself.” 

Nothing better than this

Ooh, and then the storm can come

You feels just like the sun

Just like the sun

And if you say, "Be alright"

I'm gonna trust you, babe

I'm gonna look in your eyes

And if you say, "Be alright"

I'll follow you into the light

“It should not be denied... that being footloose has always exhilarated us. It is associated in our minds with escape from history and oppression and law and irksome obligations, with absolute freedom, and the road has always led West.”

Four years ago I decided to start a journey,

where I traded in the self I was, the self I was supposed to be,

in order to transform into a new version.

10.10.10 I began this journey by documenting here,

the hard stuff, the life lessons, the realizations and the transformation.

My first post was an edit of an essay I wrote in college,

which has since become my life philosophy.

A perfect explanation of self, and a building block for the many adventures ahead.

Influenced by the life story of Christopher McCandless and the writing of Jack Kerouac,

I set about to become my own version of the American Adventurer.

And over the years the blog has changed slightly...

what started out as pictures and lyrics,

turned into reminders to my future self,

and an emotional scrapbook of my adventures in the great city of New York.

In order to embark on this journey,

to really push myself above and beyond what was "normal"

and to step outside of the box into a place of discomfort and self-realization 

I knew I had to face my fears.

In August of 2010 I decided to face my fears of both flying and falling by jumping out of an airplane.

It was both terrifying and exhilarating.

However,

once this happened,

other things started happening.

And everything changed.

So I jumped out of an airplane,

started blogging,

and with some negotiating,

was offered a job that allowed me to leave my current situation and move to NYC.

In December of 2010 I was to go to NYC for a week solo,

to experience the city and decide if this truly was the place I belonged.

Considering I had been to NYC on only one other occasion for a work trip,

and had only been in the 12 block radius of Midtown,

I knew I had a lot of learn about this magical destination.

What happened next...was a giant snow storm.

This epic snowstorm shut down all flights in or out of NYC for weeks.

And I was trapped in Illinois and faced with making a major decision with very little information.

Towards the end of January I flew out for a day to interview,

and was offered the job on the spot.

So after three painful months of stressing, planning, purging, and packing.

I threw everything I owned into five suitcases and bought a one way ticket.

On February 14th, 2011, I did the bravest thing I've ever done,

and faced my second fear.

I lived in NYC for 9 short months.

I had never been to Brooklyn before,

and after a three weeks of unsuccessful apartment hunting,

and a week and half of being homeless and living on the floor of an unfinished loft space,

I found a home.

Everything was new.

Every day was an adventure.

I was learning how to live and survive in a city where I knew no one,

and adapting to my new world at lightening speed.

I was more responsible for myself then I had ever been in my entire life,

and I was given more responsibility for other people that I had ever been in my entire life.

I explored every nook and cranny of Manhattan,

spending days just wandering around with my Ipod and a camera.

I met a lot of people who told me stories about their lives and where they came from.

I experienced a life of a Brooklyn-ite their 20s during the week,

and I spent my weekends on 5th ave and in the Hamptons,

being an observer of the other side.

Each day taught me something new about myself,

and each day grew me as a person.

I blogged a lot.

I felt like I was running fast, chasing after myself, trying to catch up and adapt.

And I felt like I left the old version of myself in the distance,

so far behind I didn't even recognize her anymore.

And while there were moments of ecstasy where I conquered,

there were moments of fear and loneliness.

One day I met someone and she became my guardian angel.

And after I met her,

there wasn't another time during my residency in NY where I was truly scared.

And although we were not very close,

I felt protected and safe.

When I left the city on 11.1.11,

packing all my possessions into a rented car to relocate to Boston,

I chose her as the last face I would see when leaving my great city.

And she gave something that I hold close today.

It was her good luck charm,

and she told me that it would keep me safe.

And it has.

So after some time in Boston,

recovering in a safe structured environment,

I finally caught up with myself.

I spent 5 months reintroducing myself to the person I had become,

after a life changing 9 months.

And eventually, after a brief but meaningful relationship with the East Coast,

In March of 2012, I made my way back to the middle.

I floated around for a few months,

but in October I settled somewhere more permanent,

and began to sprout some roots.

And for the last two years I have remained,

and I have spent a lot of time recounting my experiences.

On February 27th, 2014 I made my way back to my city,

for the first time since I had left 818 days prior.

Being back was an emotional catharsis,

and I was finally able to add some closure to my experiences in 2011.

Of course,

in true poetic fashion,

the first person I saw when landing was none other than my guardian angel.

Recently,

I decided in light of upcoming changes that may lie ahead,

I really wanted to feel invincible.

I really wanted to master a third fear,

that had been on the list for so long,

long before I packed everything I owned into five suitcases,

back to when I first started adventuring and had my great free fall.

In honor of this time of year,

and celebrating the anniversary of the move,

I finally got my tattoo.

Now the tattoo itself is not that elaborate or extravagant.

But the quiet meaning behind it,

to me,

is epic.

The inspiration behind this permanent work of art are the pictures above.

I have always known I wanted a compass on the inside of my right foot,

A symbol to celebrate my life as a an adventurer.

with the compass pointing to the west of my future,

and pointing to the east of my past.

In the center,

the all seeing eye,

as on the same charm given to me by a stronger who become a protector,

But more important than the actual tattoo,

was the act of overcoming a fear and embracing a feeling of being invincible.

Finally checking a box on a list,

as I slingshot ahead into an unknown future.

I can draw on the bravery from my past,

and the strength of facing fears.

I can't help but know that it all matters,

and I can't wait to see what comes next.

Change as a Commonality: The Mark of Being Human (EDIT 10.10.2010)

Human beings are creatures that are very similar to each other. Every single individual wandering around the earth shares a commonality. All of us are creations, made from the personal nature of human experience. Each one of us is fully engaged in playing the game of life: fighting the challenges and reaping the rewards. Sometimes we are accompanied by others and other times it becomes an individual effort. Few things are ever certain, even fewer things come easy. However, there is an unstoppable constant among everyone engaged in this ongoing process of life.

In all walks of life we experience change, starting at conception and continuing until one passes on. It is important in our lives. Big changes may leave an impact on us, but little ones are equally memorable. Change can come in all forms. It can be hard for us to fully understand change. The cause for this is not always obvious and the results can be unclear. Yet it’s a contagious force that acts as a catalyst for character building. There are no restrictions on change.

Dangerously, change is often accompanied by pain. It becomes confusing because humans tend to feel an unstoppable craving for change, but yet we strongly reject pain. It hurts, it’s uncomfortable, and it prohibits us from functioning normally. As much as pain can bring utter devastation to our lives, it’s necessary. Not without a price, pain takes from us.

Pain causes us to blame ourselves for problems we have no control over. It brings perpetual thoughts of merciless guilt. We require this ache in order to survive. This may seem extremely cynical. The most painful parts of life are when we are in our weakest states, but the magic of this time is that this is where the greatest, strongest changes are actually occurring. Defeat and deterioration are symptoms of change, the change that works to shape character the most.

It’s the aspect of pain accompanying change that makes us fear it. This can be a daunting idea. Perhaps we are convinced by ignoring change we can avoid pain as well. But it is impossible to ignore change. Without change we don’t evolve and adapt to the fast paced life that is constantly moving around us. This makes us pathetic and helpless, our own worst enemy. We constantly build walls just to learn to break them down again.

We desire earth shaking experiences but cling to every day consistencies.

It’s vital to recognize there is a way to overcome this fear of pain. The best way to digest difficult change is by remembering our blessings. Blessings are gifts that we acquire without the feeling of pain. We have so many blessings that it’s nearly impossible to count them all. Once we can learn how to use change as food for the soul, an opportunity to live, and the mark of being human, and once we realize how many blessings we really have, we can begin the process of self-transformation.

Self-transformation is a beautiful display of complete cleansing and re-creation of mind, body, and soul.This is the most vital part of change.

It is the key to understanding ourselves, and the key of surviving.

Change is our common denominator. Each time we undergo change we are more able to relate to other human beings. We are able to cope with the relationships and circumstances in our lives. We are more able to handle whatever life brings. So the solution is this: welcome changes, recognize change, and endure change. Remember that even though we may not be able to understand it right away, transformation is the result of change. It marks the personal evolution of self that each one of us strives to achieve.

A beautiful strength is found in simply surviving the trials of life.