" Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won't know for twenty years. And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out..."

Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it's what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved. And the truth is I feel so angry, and the truth is I feel so fucking sad, and the truth is I've felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long I've been pretending I'm OK, just to get along, just for, I don't know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own. Well, fuck everybody. Amen. 

Synecdoche, New York

Of whom I most admire: And I Love You (top)  Swan Dive (bottom)

Artist: Laurel Holloman

I feel so displaced in every way. Uprooted. Uplifted. Reality shifted. I need to get this off my chest. But i can't explain the way I feel, as I have never felt these feelings before. To be totally alone is to be totally honest with oneself. I am learning about myself for the first time it seems and surprisingly I really like what I find. Not under the layers of suppressed individualism do i find scared uncertainty, but rather a bold idealistic young spirit that knows exactly what to do.  Deepest satisfaction in the survival and preservation of an essence. It's beauty in a raw form and honesty served 3xs a day. I never expected results to yield this, but here I am . It feels fucking fantastic. To love myself in the rawest form and to answer to no one. I stand alone and each passing minute gives me confidence that tomorrow will be a better day.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both-And be one traveler, long I stood and looked down one as far as I could... To where it bent in the undergrowth..."

Words are flying out like 
endless rain into a paper cup 
They slither while they pass 
They slip away across the universe 
Pools of sorrow waves of joy 
are drifting thorough my open mind 
Possessing and caressing me 

Images of broken light which 
dance before me like a million eyes 
That call me on and on across the universe 
Thoughts meander like a 
restless wind inside a letter box
they tumble blindly as
they make their way across the universe 

Salvation Mountain

Sounds of laughter shades of life 
are ringing through my open ears 
exciting and inviting me 
Limitless undying love which
shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe 

Our frustration is greater when we have much and want more than when we have nothing and want some. We are less dissatisfied when we lack many things than when we seem to lack but one thing.

"She wondered if all the firsts in her life would go by so quickly, and be forgotten just as quickly." 

"Love conquers all." "Every cloud has a silver lining." "Faith can move mountains." "Love will always find a way." "Everything happens for a reason." "Where there is life, there is hope."
Oh, well... They gotta tell you somethin'...

Charlize Theron Monster

Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is... Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. They were not perfect, but they were my friends and by the '70s most of them were out living lives. Some I've seen, some never again, but there isn't a day my heart doesn't find them.

Winona Ryder Girl Interrupted

It's a lie. It's a bunch of sad strangers photographed beautifully, and... all the glittering assholes who appreciate art say it's beautiful 'cause that's what they wanna see. But the people in the photos are sad, and alone... But the pictures make the world seem beautiful, so... the exhibition is reassuring which makes it a lie, and everyone loves a big fat lie. 

(Natalie Portman, Closer)

"I'm looking for a book... something that can help me deal with what might be an awkward situation. Something funny might be nice, but not necessarily big, 'ha, ha, ha,' 'laugh, laugh, laugh' funny, and certainly not make-fun-of-other-people funny but rather something human-funny. And, uh, if it could uh, sneak up on you, surprise you, and at the same time make you think that what you thought wasn't only right, in a wrong kind of way, but when you're wrong, there's a certain rightness in your wrongness... Well, what I mean is, more importantly, I'm looking to be swept up! And at the same time, not. " -(Emily Blunt, Dan in Real Life)