Let me just preface this by saying...some things are just fucked up. They always have been and they always will be.
And then on another note... thank you for meeting me, it's like suddenly I have inspiration again.
In the morning it comes, heaven sent a hurricane
Not a trace of the sun but I don't even run from rain
Beating out of my chest, my heart is holding on to you
Not a trace of the sun but I don't even run from rain
Beating out of my chest, my heart is holding on to you
-Sara Bareilles
Such a beautiful mess, intertwined and overrun.
And it all comes back...
and I remember it all.
And it all compounds on itself and it all matters.
“If one advances confidently in the direction of one's dreams, and endeavors to live the life which one has imagined, one will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”
-HENRY DAVID THOREAU
If you say it will be alright,
I'll follow you into the light...
and I told myself that this was the beginning of something beautiful.
My greatest and only adventure,
in search of only one thing.
Purpose
I feel like there’s nothing that I can’t try
And if you with me put your hands high
If you ever lost a light before, this ones for you
And you, the dreams are for you.
And if you with me put your hands high
If you ever lost a light before, this ones for you
And you, the dreams are for you.
"I'm coming home"
To dream and imagine the dreams as reality.
To search and find hope.
To love and be loved in return.
I thought you were my home, I thought I found peace and safety. But the storm came and took my home away.
I went searching for a new place to find belonging,
only to lose the rest of what I had.
So I started over and I met you, and everything changed...
I started to regain what I had lost.
I started to believe in it all again.
"I think the only way you can find out is to have the feeling. You're a good person. You have the right to say I do trust. I do trust myself."
-Blue Valentine (2010)
Then I heard the sounds of hearts breaking, the debris of brokenness flying into the atmosphere.
None of it was supposed to happen like this.
Once again, My peaceful place I called home, crumbling around me into a million tiny parts.
And I realized just then, the simplicity.
An overarching pattern of the forces in the atmosphere.
Everything was just like before and I knew it.
But this time, I knew I was a better person.
Because of what I did and what I didn't do.
The way I took charge,
my adventure my exploration.
My belief that everything was going to be okay.
Because of forward movement.
Something no one will ever understand, so stop trying.
This is who I am, and I owe no explanation for it.
I am so fucking proud to be me.
And really nothing else matters.
Keep away from me the brokenness and let me not be a casualty in the game.
"But I took your matches before fire could catch me
So don't look now
I'm shining like fireworks over
Your sad, empty town"
-Taylor Swift
Because they say, home is where the heart is, but I keep my heart held close.
I am home, and it's not the structural parts of the architecture,
but rather its the strength of heart and peace of mind.
I own and create my own destiny.
Stay away from what I created it's mine.
Let me live in whatever fantasy I choose.
Forget what makes sense.
Only realize the beauty of the moment,
the passion of the adventure,
the excitement of the unknown.
Avoid becoming a victim of the brokenness.
Guard your heart.
Live outside of reality.
A chance encounter, not so much by chance.
And I realized it's possible to live in a fantasy world, just for a minute.
A mental escape when things become unbearable.
And I don't mind spending some time with you.
It's all perception anyways,
but I think you know what I'm talking about.
It seemed like it made sense to you,
but either way it was how I imaged it to be,
instead...
better.