"I have died everyday waiting for you Darling don't be afraid I have loved you For a thousand years I'll love you for a thousand more And all along I believed I would find you Time has brought your heart to me I have loved you for a thousand years I'll love you for a thousand more"

"The attacks of September 11th were intended to break our spirit. Instead we have emerged stronger and more unified. We feel renewed devotion to the principles of political, economic, and religious freedom, the rule of law and respect for human life. We are more determined than ever to live our lives in freedom." -Giuliani

“Now, we have inscribed a new memory alongside those others. It’s a memory of tragedy and shock, of loss and mourning. But not only of loss and mourning. It’s also a memory of bravery and self-sacrifice, and the love that lays down its life for a friend–even a friend whose name it never knew. “ -G. Bush

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
One step closer

-Christina Perri

“Early on a difficult climb, especially a solo climb, you’re hyper-aware of the abyss pulling at your back, constantly feeling its call, its immense hunger. To resist takes tremendous conscious effort, you don’t dare let your guard down for an instant. The void puts you on edge, makes your movements tentative and clumsy. But as the climb continues, you grow accustomed to the exposure, you get used to rubbing shoulders with doom, you come to believe in the reliability of your hands and feet and head. You learn to trust your self-control.” -Jon Krakauer

"Here is the deepest secret nobody knows. Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide. And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart... I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart." -E.E.Cummings

ONE STEP CLOSER...

I want to tell you, I have never loved anyone as much as I have love this city.

Its brought me to my knees, and stripped me of everything, bare essentials...

And then it rebuilt me into a better version of myself.

It's the adventure that lies in simply taking the steps to begin the journey.

FOREVER GRATEFUL.

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin-real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

***** Re-posting my favorite NYC pictures***********

"Manhattan. Sometimes from beyond the skyscrapers, across the hundreds of thousands of high walls, the cry of a tugboat finds you in your insomnia in the middle of the night, and you remember that this desert of iron and cement is an island."

Empire State Building, from Top of the Rock

Manhattan at Night, Empire State and Metlife Building

Glow of Times Square

Washington Square Park- Arch

Statue of Liberty

Times Square

"A poem compresses much in a small space and adds music, thus heightening its meaning. The city is like poetry: it compresses all life, all races and breeds into a small island and adds music and the accompaniment of internal engines. The island of Manhattan is without any doubt the greatest human concentrate on earth, the poem whose magic is comprehensible to millions of permanent residents but whose full meaning will always remain elusive."

Brooklyn Bridge

" Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb."

Lower Manhattan from Brooklyn Bridge Park

Lower Manhattan at Night

Manhattan from the Hudson River

Coney Island 

Atlantic  Ocean

"Remember that imagination is the faculty of the soul and that when it suggests new pathways to us we are being invited to explore the territory of the soul in ways that will certainly change and re enchant us."

My Beautiful City of Manhattan

LOVE LETTER TO THE PLACE CLOSEST TO MY HEART
DEAR NEW YORK CITY,
IN THE LAST 8 MONTHS I'VE COME TO LOVE YOU FOR ALL THE WONDERFUL YOU ARE.
THE SPRAWLING CONCRETE IN ALL THE GIGANTIC MAGNIFICENCE STRUCTURES
THE MELTING POT OF UNIQUE INTERESTING PEOPLE FROM ALL PARTS OF THE WORLD.
YOUR HISTORY AND YOUR STRENGTH.
THE GRIT AND GRIM OF YOUR WELL WALKED STREETS.
YOUR BRIGHT LIGHTS THAT SHINE THROUGH THE NIGHT.
FOR WHAT YOU REPRESENT, THE TOWERS THAT ONCE STOOD TALL.
FOR LADY LIBERTY AND THE IDEALS OF FREEDOM AND OPPORTUNITY.
FOR THE MULTITUDES OF PEOPLE THAT INHABIT YOU.
FOR THE FIGHT TO SURVIVE THE DAILY GRIND.
THE FLASHING GLOW OF TIMES SQUARE AT NIGHT, THE SPRAWLING SKYLINE.
THE QUIET STREETS OF BROOKLYN TO THE CROWDED SIDEWALKS OF MANHATTAN.
I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.
I'VE GROWN AND BEEN CHALLENGED IN WAYS I NEVER KNEW POSSIBLE.
I'VE WALKED QUIET PATHS OF CENTRAL PARK IN SPRING AND STROLLED CROWDED BEACHES OF CONEY ISLAND IN SUMMER.
I'VE WATCHED THE SUNSET FROM THE TOP OF ROCK AND EMPIRE STATE.
I'VE CROSSED THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE IN THE POURING RAIN AT MIDNIGHT, WITH NOT A SINGLE PERSON IN SIGHT.
i'VE MARVELED THE STATUE OF LIBERTY.
I'VE DRIVEN THE STREETS OF MIDTOWN.
I'VE EXPLORED YOU ABOVE GROUND AND BELOW.
THERE IS NO PLACE I'VE EVER BEEN QUITE LIKE YOU,
AND NO PLACE I COULD EVER GO THAT WOULD COME CLOSE TO COMPARISON.
IT'S BEEN A TRUE LOVE AFFAIR,
JUST ME AND YOU.
YOU WILL BE MISSED.
BUT DON'T WORRY, I SEE THE POSSIBILITIES OF A FUTURE WITH YOU.
I'LL BE BACK SOMEDAY.
UNTIL THEN, THANKS FOR THE GREATEST ADVENTURE OF MY LIFE.
-SARAH

"I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s like all I can do is keep writing this gibberish to keep from breaking apart." -Perks Of Being a WALLFLOWER

On the first page of our story
the future seemed so bright
then this thing turned out so evil
I don’t know why I’m still surprised
even angels have their wicked schemes
and you take that to new extremes

but you’ll always be my hero. even though you’ve lost your mind.

Now there’s gravel in our voices
glass is shattered from the fight
in this tug of war, you’ll always win
even when I’m right ‘cause you feed me fables from your hand
with violent words and empty threats

and it’s sick that all these battles are what keeps me satisfied

So maybe I’m a masochist
I try to run but I don’t wanna ever leave
til the walls are goin’ up
in smoke with all our memories

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
but that’s all right because I like the way it hurts
just gonna stand there and hear me cry

but that’s all right because I love the way you lie.

but you’ll always be my hero. even though you’ve lost your mind.

Heartbreak, hopeless, drowning, know this.

Melodies, melancholy. endings .

Destructive destruction with no one to answer too.

Caught in the endless loop of answering to you.

Faint, exhaustion, the cycle continues.

I want to quit you.

Weakness, weary, wandering, wasted.

Endless possibility lost in helpless confusion.

Broken down and vacant.

Addicted  to this feeling.

I tried.

"but you'll always  be my hero, even though you've lost your mind."

"I'm finding every reason to be gone There's nothing here to hold on to Could i hold you? Calling out somebody save me i feel like i'm fading away Am i gone?"

"It's the loneliest feeling in the world - to find yourself standing up when everyone else is sitting down. To have everybody look at you and say "what's the matter with her?" I know what it feels like. Walking down an empty street, listening to the sound of your own footsteps. Shutters closed, blinds drawn, doors locked against you. And you aren't sure whether you're walking toward something, or if you're just walking away." -Anonymous 

"It's like I realized that way down inside, I've always been lonely for something. But I don't know what for. It's like everybody in the world wants something. Only they never really know exactly what it is - they just keep finding out what it's not. You know how, when you turn off the TV or you come out of some concert, and everything just feels empty? Like you thought that would be what you wanted, and then it wasn't?" -Anonymous

"Did it surprise you that I am not who you thought I was? Did it surprise you to find that I don't exactly stand for what you thought I stood for all along? Did it surprise you to find that I'm not exactly how I played myself out to be? That the person you thought I was is actually nothing to what I am." -Anonymous

"I believe in whatever gets you through the night. Night is the hardest time to be alive. For me, anyway. It lasts so long, and four am knows all my secrets. Four am is when my dreams die." -Anonymous

"It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live." -Anonymous

Lately, recently in my life, I have discovered a passion for photography.

I love taking pictures of beautiful things, things that just happen-like sunsets, flowers, ocean waves, clouds...

Things we see every day, just to remind myself that beauty happens all the time, and should be valued and appreciated.

I don't like to take pictures of people. The most beautiful things  about people is usually something that cannot be spotted by a camera lens. That kind  of beauty is internal.

But I love taking pictures of things...things that  just happen.

Such a perspective, a moment captured and preserved.

It reminds me of a mood, a smell, a feeling, a person, a song, a dream...

Even when everything else seems overwhelming, or hopeless, impossible, unforgiving, insensitive, desperate,

you can look and   remember-

beauty.

Things that just happen.

Even when nothing feels right.

When it feels like nothing is going to be okay again.

Beauty.

And it brings me back to what was.

And it reminds me of what may come.

Things that just happen. 

"I undress my mind and dare you to follow Paint a portrait of my mystery Only close my eyes and you are here with me A nameless face to think i see To sit and watch the waves with me 'til they're gone A heart i'd swear i'd recognize Is made out of my own devices..."

"You have to put up with the risk of being misunderstood if you are going to try to communicate. You have to put up with people projecting their own ideas, attitudes, misunderstanding you. But it's worth being a public fool if that's all you can be in order to communicate yourself."

“We are all longing to go home to some place we have never been — a place half-remembered and half-envisioned we can only catch glimpses of from time to time. Community. Somewhere, there are people to whom we can speak with passion without having the words catch in our throats. Somewhere a circle of hands will open to receive us, eyes will light up as we enter, voices will celebrate with us whenever we come into our own power. Community means strength that joins our strength to do the work that needs to be done. Arms to hold us when”

“Change is a funny thing. We never are quite sure what we are becoming or even why. Then one day we look at ourselves and wonder who we are and how we got that way. Only one thing about change remains constant...it is always painful.”

Because I have to be fought on every decision to justify my actions, I'm misunderstood.

Because you think that you know what I want, when you don't, I'm misunderstood.

Because when I don't do what you want, how you want it done, I'm misunderstood.

Because I had all the opportunities you didn't and you think it just "fell into my lap", I am misunderstood.

Because I only vocalize the thoughts and feelings I want you to know, I am misunderstood.

Because the smile never leaves my face, I'm misunderstood.

Because going about this alone has been the hardest things I've ever done, but I've done it, I'm misunderstood.

Because what you want has always come first, and what I want has always come second, I am misunderstood.

You don't know me, you know the me I want you to know. 

Try and understand.

To whom it may concern:

Thank you for making me always realize my potential. For giving me second chances. For believing in the choices I have made. For offering encouragement and enthusiasm. For taking the time and making the lists of reasons why. For helping me to remember that people are inherently good, despite bad choices. For helping me feel like my voice is heard. For reminding me of all the things I love about myself. That's you, whatever I become and wherever I go, know that you played a part in that, and are responsible for part of what got me there.

TO SECOND CHANCES AND NEW BEGINNINGS

"So you want me to tell you something about myself? I don't have anything to say. Even if I did you'd be wrong to believe me. Trust is a lie. Nobody ever knows any more."

You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage - pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically - to say 'no' to other things.  And the way to do that is by having a bigger 'yes' burning inside.  The enemy of the 'best' is often the 'good.'

I just want to say, you're the one who abandoned me. I NEVER gave up on you...I never left you. Even now I wait.

Backbeat the word was on the street 
That the fire in your heart is out 
I'm sure you've heard it all before 
But you never really had a doubt 
I don't believe that anybody feels 
The way I do about you now 

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding 
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding 
There are many things that I would 
Like to say to you 
I don't know how 

Because maybe 
You're gonna be the one who saves me ? 
And after all 
You're my wonderwall 

"I miss you when something really good happens, because your the one i want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because your the one who understands me so well. I miss you when i laugh and cry, because i know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and tears dissapear. I miss you all the time, but i miss you the most when i lie awake at night, and think of all the wonderful times that we spent with each other" (Morgan Nicol)

THE BEST PART OF EVERY MORNING. THE WORST PART OF EVERY NIGHT.

One time I looked into the eyes of a stranger and found the comfort of an old friend, like a silhouette in the sunset. (ALL LYRICS ARE BRETT DENNEN)

Your gonna fall apart. It's gonna break your heart
Your gonna know that you were wrong. Down to the boatyard you'll run
Like you did at your graduation
Your gonna miss her when she's gone Who you trying to fool?These are the wounds that heal you. It's the pain that reveals you

Where are all my old friends? It's been a long time gone

We've been drifting apart for so many years I hope they're still marching on
Some are probably happy with families, working hard to get ahead
Some of them are lost, some are wandering, and some of them are already dead

I sit through the trickery
The jealousy and vanity
The potency of your prophesy
Because I long to be...
Closer to you

"mermaids waltzing through a fleet of fisherman

chattering children lift their ears to the sky

skeptics stare in fascination

i have seen so much beauty if could make you cry

tears are fallin'

tears are fallin'

women flock with flames under their noses

i have seen so much beauty if could make you cry"

"damsels dressed in old stylish fashion

trees in the city all strung with lights

broken hearts meet with uncontrollable fashion

i have seen so much beauty it could make you cry"

I am a lover, and I am a dreamer
I've been that down, and I've loved, and I've lost
I've been alone, been far from home
Follow your heart

And I've been cheated, I've been defeated
I've played the game and I've been double crossed
Every friend of mine has been in hard times

The most obvious of all things is beauty, in it's most natural and purest form. The least predictable of all things is time, seemingly simple but remaining immeasurable...the most honest of all things is vulnerability, the best way to live is passionately.

make sure when it's all over with, you look back and you see that everything you ever wanted you fought like hell to get, and that once you got it-you appreciated every second

in the sky nothing matters. everything else comes to a complete pause. the air is still, the clouds are beneath you and the sky stretches endless in every direction. it's infinite. you are forced into timeless beauty. prisoner of your surroundings. helpless.

all that matters in life is finding something to believe in. The lyrics in a song, the words in a book, the person in the photo, a presence, a force, an ideal...find what matters and stand for it, let it become your anthem and let it consume you. because really, when it comes down to it-nothing else matters.

I thought love mattered. I thought that I needed freedom, truth, and beauty and everything else would become apparent. I thought I believed in karma. I thought I was unshakable. Nothing that I thought...its what I thought it would be. What I know, what I need is passion-throwing caution to the wind and breathing it in like air. This is what's important.

Perfection lies not in integrity or time or beauty...but perfection is found in the imperfections of you.

to know perfection is to find peace.

"In the space between yes and no, there's a lifetime. It's the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it's the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; its the legroom for the lies you'll tell yourself in the future."

"...and that's when I get to wondering, what would happen if I told her she something good, ever day?" -THE HELP

A dreams a dream
And all this livings so much harder than it seems
But girl don't let your dreams be dreams
You know this livings not so hard as it seems
Don't let your dreams dreams

Someday, god knows when, I will stop this absurd, self-pitying, idle, futile despair. I will begin to think again, and to act according to the way I think.
 –Sylvia Plath

"No matter who you are, there is always some part of you that wishes you were someone else, and when, for a millisecond, you get that wish, it's a miracle." -Jodi Picoult

"It's not about what you say, its about what you do. You don't like the person you've become then do something about it, because no one's gonna do it for you"

"People are going to disappoint you. I get that, I kinda expect that. But, I don't know what if you wake up one day and realize you're the disappointment?"

-OTH H.B.

Not much to say today...

Earthquake, Hurricane... you know that saying... "calm before the storm?"

Lately the weather has been a direct reflection about how I am feeling about my life.

When did it get so difficult? Frustrated by a feelings of despair.

Exhausted, stressed, feeling like I'm just barely keeping my head above the water...

But things will get easier.

Definitely in a time of transition.

Just didn't expect it would happen so quickly.

Things currently that might life bearable right now...

ON and ON -Jack Johnson Album

Cooler weather

Working at Starbucks

This certain boy...he makes me feel like a $1,000,000.

An unstoppable force with a strong opinion.

A relaxing visit with a friend.

Quiet walk on the beach at sunset (see above pictures)