"I wouldn't want them to feel lonely or outcast ever in any way. And no matter where they were in the world, I'd want them to always feel incredibly confident about who they were and proud." (J. Beals)
For some reason tonight I feel compelled to actually write and blog a little bit about myself. It's been a while and I'm sure I'm way past due to post something other then a quote, picture, or song lyric...but I tend to get carried away when I do this...So we will see if this post actually gets published. Well officially (for anyone who might not already know) I made it to NYC. Officially living my dream here...flying totally solo, in a brand new place, the best city ever, and making it on my own. After a stressful 3 weeks I find myself settling in nicely to this "new life," as I will call it. What a grand adventure I am on...despite all the trials I have encountered thus far-not a single day goes by where I don't think about how incredibly grateful I am to be here and how much of a blessing it truly is. On the other hand, I can tell that I've barely begun to scratch the surface of how much this experience is going to change me. Really, I'm going to end this year as a totally different person then when I began. Perhaps this is a life turning point and inevitable...2 years out of college now-just entering the real world after living at home with my parents for an entire year...yea-maybe it's time I became my own person. I feel like this experience is my debut into the real world and I'm quite proud of the things I've learned so far and excited for the new things I will get to learn. The biggest challenge for me right now is that I can't plan, for-see, imagine, worry, idealize what life looks like anymore...everything from the job to the place to the events in my days are totally new...and therefore I'm forced into living completely in the present and in the moment of what is happening to me and around me. This is the blessing of this experience-the pure enjoyment of living. As someone who is used to having everything under control and living with much predictability its pushed me out of my comfort zone. But I can't help but enjoy it...instead of analyzing I am observing, instead of worrying I am creating. It's a marvel that everything I do in my day I'm 100% responsible for and at the end of the day I have this new satisfaction where I am just so proud of myself for making it. Now I realize this can swing in the opposite direction...I am also responsible for the mistakes, lack of productivity, bad choices, etc...but hey-everything is a learning process right now and I'm trying also to be nicer to myself. Because right now...right here...it's just me and only me. I have myself to look after and take care of and no one else to deal with. It's nice at times, lonely at others...but what a satisfying check-mark to put on my life to-do list...a few checks actually-living alone, living in NYC, exploring the East Coast. My head is reeling with plans to explore this region of my country. I've always want to see New England, DC, Boston, etc...This weekend will be my first encounter with the Hamptons (Sag Harbor) and mark the farthest East I've ever traveled in the US. Anyways, the point of it all...is that it really just feels different. I can't pinpoint what is different...but I have this weird sense of calm that I can't say I've ever experienced before. I feel like right now...this...is what I've always wanted to be doing and it's made that antsy, dissatisfied, slightly depressed, dreamer side of me disappear. I feel at ease and more importantly I feel free. It's a beautiful thing. Again, first time for everything... I just can't believe that it took 23 years to feel like this. All the hard work and enduring has paid off. The only thing I'm missing is someone to share it with, although that may ruin the magic of being independent. We will see what happens in the days to come. But for now, I'm living in the moment and happier then I've ever been before.
Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.JOHN WOODEN