"Call me Ishmael. Some years ago — never mind how long precisely — having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world."

The changes in our life must come from the impossibility to live otherwise than according to the demands of our conscience not from our mental resolution to try a new form of life. - Leo Tolstoy

“He was unheeded, happy, and near to the wild heart of life. He was alone and young and wilful and wildhearted, alone amid a waste of wildair and brackish waters and the seaharvest of shells and tangle and veiled grey sunlight.” 

― Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

In the morning it comes, heaven sent a hurricane
Not a trace of the sun but I don't even run from rain
Beating out of my chest, my heart is holding on to you
From the moment I knew
From the moment I knew

You are the air in my breath filling up my love soaked lungs
Such a beautiful mess intertwined and overrun
Nothing better than this, oh, and then the storm can come
You feel just like the sun
Just like the sun

"So I punched a hole in the roof. Let the flood carry away all my pictures of you. The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing.” -Taylor Swift

“Cities were always like people, showing their varying personalities to the traveler. Depending on the city and on the traveler, there might begin a mutual love, or dislike, friendship, or enmity. Where one city will rise a certain individual to glory, it will destroy another who is not suited to its personality. Only through travel can we know where we belong or not, where we are loved and where we are rejected.” 
― Roman Payne, Cities & Countries

It's interesting to see how it all looks,

as more and more pieces begin to fall into place.

The moment feels like reaching the top of a roller-coaster,

teetering on the edge just before your stomach leaps into your chest.

Its a pure rush of adrenaline and is over so quickly.

Change sets about undeniable forward motion.

I'm excited for what lies right ahead of me,

within my grasp finally.

The west is the best and my home is the road.

Adventures pave the roads untraveled.

Self-discovery and growth inevitable outcomes to the future.

I can't wait to have the ocean a permanent part of my landscape.

A dream I have hoped for and called upon finally becoming a reality.

But everything has a specific time and place,

and it's all happening as it should.

Using the tools of patience, bravery, hopefulness, and perpetual self-transformation,

I'm creating the life I want the most.

Living fiercely with no regrets,

soaking up all the gifts the universe provides,

endless grateful to the people who have given me opportunities.

I never thought it would be this easy,

and life would have such a fluid motion,

but maybe it's the calm before the storm,

or perhaps it's the calm after it.

The waters have been choppy and change was a natural part of every day...

with consistency came satisfaction and an appreciation for all the little things.

Quiet moments of reflection on the past and present.

Never taking a single thing foregranted in the process.

Because it's all about learning as you go about it.

Having the understanding that nothing happens exactly the way you want,

being ready to change direction in an instant.

Knowing that unexpected surprises can bring good and bad,

but either way it's a chance for character building.

Separately, but of equal importance,

it's a good practice to never leave things unsaid.

The easiest way of self-expression is by speaking up,

and people will never be able to read your thoughts,

and human connectedness is essential to life.

Celebrate relationships that challenge you,

because those are the ones that grow you,

and those people are people that will stand behind you at your weakness,

because they care enough to help you see what's often right in front of our face.

Value those that are here and now,

and know they will reappear in your future if it's meant to be that way.

Love.

I may never really understand love in all it's forms,

but I understand it as it pertains to me.

Love has always been synonymous to sacrifice.

Which others might find a bit odd,

but know that I don't mean it the way it sounds.

When love truly manifests itself,

it will be worth the sacrifice of self.

The path will be widened to walk alongside another.

A pureness not peppered with resentment,

eager compromises.

It will all make sense the way it should.

I don't worry about not finding or having love,

because it's not something that is created from hard work,

or a treasure you find,

or a formula you follow.

Rather love exists all on it's own.

Its something to recognize, appreciate, admire,

but it stands on its own.

I cannot see the future as it lies ahead,

but I do not fear it.

I hope in some way, there is a slight possibility of you.

For now we walk in separate directions,

and you remain a quiet voice of inspiration.

Infrequent but powerful,

reminding me about the importance of love.

A distant afterthought locked away deep in my subconscious.

My heart is my own,

and I have been a keeper of it for such a short time,

I'm still learning how to transform into the most honest version of who I'm meant to be.

But maybe,

once this skill is fined tuned,

and I'm confident that I've traveled through the path I'm meant to journey,

we will meet again,

in a familiar place in a familiar time.

Fireworks and full moons overhead,

and I will allow another to guard the most important thing I have.

There's no one I have met more worthy of this task then you.

But I'm playing by the rules,

and being the most fair I can be.

The timing is just not quite right for the right now.

And I've learned to have patience and hopefulness that the pieces will fall into place as they are meant too.

They always have before.

I don't doubt they will continue to do so,

if I walk the truest journey,

and I continue to practice being a better version of myself.

But I don't think I"ll soon forget about how the winters became the summers,

quiet snowfall replaced with the twinkle of lightening bugs in the night sky.

I lived in the moment with you,

and enjoyed every second,

making the present dominate all thoughts of past and future.

Just as you told me I should.

So realize this,

perfect moments are not so rare,

keep yourself open to all possibilities.

Appreciate yourself in its entirety: mind, body, spirit.

Exercise your heart and build connections with others.

Keep pursuing your dreams,

because when you feel the most lost it might just mean everything is starting to fit together.

This may sound a bit corny,

but you really do create your reality.

Choose to live a life that brings you joy,

does not harm others,

and reach higher for an understanding that leads to self-actualization.

It's such a crazy wild beautiful journey,

and you may only have each opportunity once.

Don't waste a minute of it,

because life and time happens no matter what.

It all matters.

And finally.

Don't forget to love.

"Like a small boat On the ocean Sending big waves Into motion Like how a single word Can make a heart open..."

All of the lights land on you

The rest of the world fades from view
And all of the love I see
Please please say you feel it too
And all of the noise I hear inside
Restless and loud, unspoken and wild
And all that you need to say
To make it all go away
It's that you feel the same way too

And I know
The scariest part is letting go
'Cause love is a ghost you can't control
I promise you the truth can't hurt us now
So let the words slip out of your mouth

And all of the steps that led me to you

And all of the hell I had you walk through

But I wouldn't trade a day for the chance to say

My love, I'm in love with you

I know that we're both afraid
We both made the same mistakes

An open heart is an open wound to you

And in the wind there's a heavy choice

Love has a quiet voice
Still you mind, now I'm yours to choose

And I know

The scariest part is letting go

Let my love be the light that guides you home

And I know

The scariest part is letting go

'Cause love is a ghost you can't control

I promise you the truth can't hurt us now

So let the words slip out of your mouth

The journey is a constantly evolving adventure,

and it's never the same way as your progress along the windy path.

And I am not the same.

When it all began a long time ago,

what was uncertainty, fear, blind optimism, and a naiive courageousness

has fallen away.

Instead, what is now, looks a little more worn,

a quiet strength

and an older soul.

Of course days months and years has passed...

and with the passing of time is the passing of experience.

The new becomes a familiar,

the fear is replaced by comfort,

"displaced" sounds more like "home".

And life adjusts it's purpose,

an experienced traveler moving along through this amazing journey.

She said, "you always land on your feet."

But I'm not sure I've landed yet.

And for a brief moment I feel something that is less frequent nowadays.

The sounds of a bustling city, the noises of the concrete jungle...

a flash of homesickness.

Because before was the beginning,

starting out on the journey of self-discovery...

eager, and ambitious-holding tightly to absolutes.

I would ask my past self what it was like to live in a world that was made of black and white.

And tell her that my future self will be found in a world of brilliant grays.

But it's all as it should be,

and everything in sequences creates the perfect path to the present.

And confidence of the future that is paved ahead.

No, I am not the same as I was,

and it will not be the same as it was.

Treasure the brief flashes of the past,

the smell of a crowded city in the summer...

the most beautiful melting pot of humans,

the twinkling lights that replaced the stars,

The Atlantic.

On your way out of the middle,

make sure you appreciate every moment,

remember that it won't always be this way,

and each event is preparation to carry along with you on the journey.

Celebrate family and friends and strengthen relationships.

Practice finding beauty in the familiar,

then stop to appreciate it.

Because maybe we get only one shot at life,

mine as well enjoy all of it.

Know that struggles and challenges help create a better version of self.

Transformation is so important,

never settle,

feed curiosities,

allow yourself to dream without limits.

There is so much perfection everywhere.

I cannot fathom how much beauty there is...

when I look and reflect back on the sunsets and the landscapes of my past,

I can help but remain in awe.

Use these moments of inspiration to create something new,

and give back to others what you have received,

Because selflessness leads to self-actualization.

And its important to live in world where people bring goodness.

I know I say this often,

but as I grow older I realize it only becomes more relevant.

Take nothing for-granted,

because life really does change in an instant,

Appreciate the people in your life and tell them so,

appreciate your health and your well-being.

You never know when something may alter this.

And you must live without regret.

It seems like things are lining up and falling into place.

An opportunity for a magnificent trek approaches.

Another reminder...

do not be afraid of success.

Don't get over confident either,

but realize that maybe more pieces of the puzzle are coming together,

and you have a better grasp on the bigger picture now.

Continue to make goals and add to your bucket list,

allow yourself to take risks,

but don't be stupid.

Realize that there will be things that happen,

some in your control,

some out of your control,

unexpected or unpredictable...

Use them to create a smarter future,

and add to the wealth of knowledge you acquire by simply living.

And go easy on yourself.

Count your blessings and accomplishments.

Don;t live in the past,

but don't forget to acknowledge that the past has created the person you are now.

Its impossible to know how far you have come,

if you fail to know where you started.

You are not better than anyone,

we are all equals,

and similar at the core.

Respect the others around you...

be slow to pass judgement and quick to lend a helping hand.

You recognize the people in your past that have shown unexpected kindness,

pay it forward.

The ocean is calling and I'm teetering on the edge of change.

I foresee a changing landscape and many new roads to travel.

The great Pacific.

The West.

Many many more sunsets.

There's a quiet eagerness building,

and while I cannot wait to see what the future brings,

I will stop to appreciate the here and now,

and the present.

And I will send my gratitude to the girl who only saw black and whites,

and salute the bravery and hopefulness in my past,

when everything started.

And practice love,

and open-mindedness, and kindness. 

Because really it all matters.

And these are the things that are the most important.

"And now, in this time and place, I realize simply that long ago is just a phrase... it sits on a dusty self, just out of reach and taunting me as I go about things. Second chances are past and all that's left is the nitty gritty present of my existence. And I add tiny sticks to keep the fire of hope alive. Because great adventures live on through anything." 8.19.2013

"Creativity itself doesn't care at all about results - the only thing it craves is the process. Learn to love the process and let whatever happens next happen, without fussing too much about it. Work like a monk, or a mule, or some other representative metaphor for diligence. Love the work. Destiny will do what it wants with you, regardless." 

-Elizabeth Gilbert

The sun is filling up the room
And I can hear you dreaming
Do you feel the way I do right now?
I wish we would just give up
Cause the best part is falling
Call it anything but love

And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say, "I love you," when you're not listening

Christina. Perri.

“I've apparently been the victim of growing up, which apparently happens to all of us at one point or another. It's been going on for quite some time now, without me knowing it. I've found that growing up can mean a lot of things. For me, it doesn't mean I should become somebody completely new and stop loving the things I used to love. It means I've just added more things to my list."

-Taylor Swift

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow.

I came along,
I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do,
And it was called "Yellow".

So then I took my turn,
Oh what a thing to have done,
And it was all yellow.

So therefore I dedicate myself, to my art, my sleep, my dreams, my labors, my suffrances, my loneliness, my unique madness, my endless absorption and hunger because I cannot dedicate myself to any fellow being.

Jack.Kerouac

It's hardest to understand truths when everything seems to be perfect.

When the past fits neatly into a box,

packaged up and packed away nicely.

And the present feels like a peaceful reality,

and the future stretches ahead patiently before you.

You forget the path that you wandered down that brought you to an inevitable outcome,

because its all exactly how you imagined it to be.

In a way none of it surprises me,

and all the same I'm completely taken off guard.

And i'm doused in love and hopefulness.

It feels as though this was everything before and everything ahead of me always,

and blessing seem too numerous to count.

Constantly gracious and grateful for every day and every moment,

opportunity dancing before me,

and everything is just within my grasp.

What a change from the flailing impatience of the past.

The disorienting unknowns that made up each day...

but here I am nonetheless,

and it is hardest to remember the truths.

This all started years ago,

and I worried about bravery,

and I worried about patience,

and I worried I would never understand love.

Transform anonymously,

tiny adjustments to perspective,

and a hearty helping of triumphs and challenges.

But here I am.

With no resistance in a perfect idea of how life should be.

And the only thing stretching before me is the West,

and the ocean,

and complete freedom.

Unspeakably fortunate for this part,

the here and now.

So thankful for the choices in the past that brought me exactly to where I am.

I never thought it would really be like this,

and it's fully liberating to be in this much control,

and yet maintaining a lifestyle of whimsical dream chasing.

I'm hopeful because it's easy,

I'm grateful because the blessings are numerous,

I'm brave because I'm surrounded by an army,

I appreciate beauty.

I practice love.

When I look back at it,

I don't wonder...

I know for absolute certain this was the point of it all.

To find this harmonious balance,

to grasp this wanderlust and build a life towering with adventures,

and new beginnings,

and unexplored places.

To learn and to love the people in it,

and to live each day making everything count,

because really it all matters.

Someday I'll understand the journey,

or maybe I wont...

But I'll know it was all supposed to fall into place in this moment in time,

just the way it has.

And tonight I thought about Escapism.

All the parts previous,

and I wonder what I was running from,

and I think about how home always builds itself int he most surprising places,

and how much I carry with me,

and all the adventures and the streets that taught me about life.

The people along the way,

and how beautiful and perfect it can be to laugh

and laugh.

Always when you think it might not be this way again,

it recreates itself and the list of things to be grateful for lengthens.

I think about the greats that traveled down this road before me,

and I'm closer to understanding it all.

I wonder if it was like this for them too,

and when they saw the gold sunrise on an open road,

if they felt the sense of peace that I have.

And the good company they maintained,

and the stories they told,

and the new experiences they had along the way.

What a perfect life of a wanderer.

Never taking anything foregranted,

because everything changes so quickly.

And how some things will never change,

and they will remain with me,

carried close to my heart.

A harsh reminder of reality,

and how the easy choices are not always the most fruitful ones.

And it's the hard decisions that create beautiful transformations.

I wouldn't have done it differently,

and I realize this now.

But always there's a time when my mind wanders back.

And I know the "what could have been" doesn't matter anymore.

Because what's done is done and its put me here.

I hope that you understand what I mean.

I hope you truly realize what i'm saying about it all.

It may never be the same for you,

because each person creates a unique experience.

I will never know how it would have played out,

but I had to be where I'm at.

Because even in perfect there is truth.

And that is the most powerful things to understand.

Easy when you're battling demons,

and up against impossible situations.

Harder when everything is in it's right place.

You must continue to go the direction you are going,

and I will continue along my own way.

Maybe down the road the paths will cross again,

but for now I hope that your truths remain relevant.

I hope you can  see through all the parts in the past,

and dig around for your own memories to hold close.

I will choose to remember you the way it was,

and allow myself room to grow on my own.

It has to be this way,

even if you don't understand it.

Because it all matters so greatly,

and everything builds on itself and happens for the right reasons.

Its ironic to surrounded with so much love,

and to be so void of it.

But there is perfection in imperfection,

and I have no complaints.

I'm carrying on down the path west,

with the hopefulness, and bravery, and patience that I learned in the East.

I will appreciate every speck of beauty,

and keep the past in the past.

Because those things that have disappeared will reappear if that is what is meant to be.

Gratitude.

Adventure.

Transformation.

It all matters,

So maintain the peacefulness in your present,

and find solace in knowing that you're exactly where you need to be.